55, Domestic Abuse and Soon to be Homeless

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I hate having to write out my problem, but I have no one, and I truly mean no one in my life to turn to.
I will try to keep this short. Please don't be too hard on me, as I am not in a great place mentally.
Partner of 15 years. Moved into his mortgaged house 13 years ago, when I was unwell with a breakdown. He asked me to stay permanently, so I gave up my rented house, and moved in fully.
I had a good job but due to my mental health issues, had to leave.
I used my own money to support myself.
I often asked if I could contribute to the mortgage and it be made a joint one, but he refused. He drew up and signed documents that said should he die, I would get the house, pension and his insurances.
I am so stupid for putting my faith in him, thinking he would not ever ask me to leave.
Found out a few years ago, partner cheated, through finding pics of my partner on a laptop of his, of him in various sexual positions with a pair of Swingers. It devastated me, and since then I have never felt the same about him.
I could not leave due to having nowhere to live that I could afford.
Years passed, but over the years he sometimes has lashed out at me and hit me, and it hurt. I would go mad at him for doing what he did, and again I wanted to leave but had nowhere or no one to turn to.
The mental health team knew, and my GP. I could not get help with housing because I had no children.
Partner hit me again a couple of days ago. I am bruised and sore. I stood up to him. He screamed that he wants me out of his house.
This time I have to go.
I have barely any money and cannot afford any of the rentals in my area or in fact any area!
He has said he will give me some money but it will not cover more than a few months rent.
I am now late 50s. I have applied for so many properties over the past 48 hours, but I cannot afford them to be honest, and the criteria for so many is so strict, that there is no way I would get one.
The Council told me as I am single with no children that I am not a priority.
I dont want to turn to Refuge and charities like that. I am not hit constantly, just every so many months, maybe once a year.
My mental health is quite bad, and I take anti depressants which help, but I have to monitor my stress carefully or I spiral.
I cannot let him hit me again. I dont want to be homeless however.
Please can anyone suggest alternatives which I may not have thought of? I dont have anyone at all in my life, which was my decision but due to my mental health, i pushed people away, plus people think I am odd when they get to know me.
Thank you in advance.

You are bruised
Go to police now
Report.
Go to a refuge
He deserves to be arrested for his assault
Or Go to a and e to be checked and tell them now

Once a year hitting is too much.

Call women’s aid for your options which will include hostels; you need to be safe above everything else

Sorry, not late but mid 50's!

See a solicitor, if you are not in imminent danger and don’t want to go to a hostel.
Once you leave, it’s complicated.
You should notify the police though, there has to proof of what he’s done to you.
You may not be a ‘priority’ but you should still get your name on the housing list, contact women’s aid- for advice you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.

I dont want to go to a refuge. Those places are struggling to accept women who are hit a lot, and have children with them.
I dont want to report to the Police. He gets arrested, charged, and then that is it. Nothing will change for me.
Right now, my priority is just getting accomodation for myself, and then I can work to try and get some money. Due to having mental health issues I know for a fact, that I will be passed over, plus my age now goes against me.
I used to be so independent, have a good job, had friends, and be so lively and outgoing, and then I had a breakdown, turn into an agoraphobic recluse who is always anxious, and now I am 55, and I feel like what happened to me?

Call Women’s Aid. They will have expertise and relevant information and advice.

Maybe you are in shock from being physically assaulted?
You can move past this, with the right support

That sounds incredibly tough but it's good you have to go. Years of being his punchbag will just wear you down and down. Doesnt matter if its once a year, the threat is always there.

If your priority is finding somewhere safe, could you look at being a lodger to start you off? It's not secure in the sense that you can be given a few weeks notice but, then again, you can give a few weeks notice if you dont like it or find something better.

Once you are put and safe you can start thinking a bit longer term. Would moving areas help you afford somewhere of your own, maybe? Wherabouts in the country are you? Do you have family you might like to be close to? Are you clear about what financial support might be available to you?

Something else you might like to consider is reporting the bastard to the police for hurting you. You could get your injuries recorded by your gp then make a complaint to the police when you have moved out.

Go back to housing. Tell them You are suffering from domestic abuse. Get yourself on their radar. Housing is in short supply. But with your current situation and health you should be a high priority. And you have more scope as you can access the over 55 schemes. Social housing will be more affordable and you will be entitled to benefits to support you.

Google housing charities in your area. Speak to shelter for advice.

Anything will be better than living with someone you’re scared of. You sound like you’re martyring yourself because you’re child free. Don’t do that. You deserve to feel happy and safe just like anyone else - good luck

How often does he have to hit you before you think you are worthy of help?

Hitting you once is too often, never mind once a year!

Go to a refuge. Please. You're not taking a place away from someone else; you absolutely need one yourself.

I have bruises, but there were no witnesses. Surely the Police need more than that to go on, that he hit me.
I cannot go to A&E for a few bruises and stiffness.
He is a calm person for most of the time, too calm almost, and then he just loses it and goes crazy. He hisses and spits, clenches his fingers and screams. It is scary to witness.
He will say things and then says he did not say it, and he lies so much. I cannot believe a word of what he says. He will constantly change what he has said. Sometimes I think is it me imagining it but it is not.
Ex has said he wants me out soon. Legally he can too, as it is house, and if I don't go, I can be classed as 'trespassing'
I cant wait for a Housing Association to offer me a place in a years time or later.
I honestly don't know what I will do.

There is a witness, you are a witness. You can go show the gp your bruises and you should.

You need to move quickly because you are not safe. Have you looked for lodgings or shared housing? Or you can report as homeless to the council because of domestic abuse and they should put you in temporary accommodation to start with.

The police do not need witnesses.

In particular if you have bruises this is evidence.

The protocol when they came out in response to my call was that they were in a pair and split up, to get the stories separately.

Calling them can get this on record which may help you.

I suggest calling women's aid, they will have good advice.

I don't have family. I honestly have no one. That does not bother me as I am used to it, and I prefer to be alone mostly. I have social anxiety as well as all the other mental health issues, so how I am suits me, as I enjoy my own company.
Thank you for your replies. I truly mean that. You have given me some other options to think of.

dont want to report to the Police. He gets arrested, charged, and then that is it. Nothing will change for me.
Right now, my priority is just getting accomodation for myself, and then I can work to try and get some money

You are a victim of assault
That gives you priority
Call police now

I used to be so independent, have a good job, had friends, and be so lively and outgoing, and then I had a breakdown, turn into an agoraphobic recluse who is always anxious, and now I am 55, and I feel like what happened to me?

What happened to you is him. Don't for one second underestimate the devastating impact on mental health that living with someone abusive has. Yes, you had the breakdown first, but truly, what chance did you have of properly healing when you live with someone who beats you up randomly and makes you doubt yourself own mind.

I'm afraid I don't have anything useful to add on the housing/money front, but I do think it's important that you don't put yourself down even inadvertently. The fact you survived all this time is actually quite incredible.

My e x gaslight so much I thought I was seriously ill. It was my children that pointed out he was doing this. He was arrested for controlling and coercive behaviour. You don’t have to be hit to be abused, his lying is abusive behaviour.
If you tell housing association you are trying to escape abuse you are put at the top of the list. It won’t take months, they can find you somewhere within a couple of weeks, I’ve just helped someone do exactly this. 💐

I have bruises, but there were no witnesses. Surely the Police need more than that to go on, that he hit me. -No they don’t.

“Ex has said he wants me out soon. Legally he can too, as it is house, and if I don't go, I can be classed as 'trespassing'”
No, this isn’t right. See a solicitor or ring one if you can’t leave the house and it’s safe to do so. You would be entitled to a share of the house etc. If you don’t want to go down that route, then you are effectively homeless.

You need to get advice regarding housing, benefits, pip for agoraphobia etc but you sound like you may need support and a hand hold to do so. That’s where shelter and women’s aid come in. Mental health issues will add points to your housing priority need, as will fleeing violence.

Sorry to hear this. You should be entitled to some money off him if lived together more than 2 years although obv wont be immediate. If you have it on record re domestic abuse you should get free legal advice. Def go to a womans refuge you have suffered abuse mental as well as physical. Good luck x

Would you qualify for temporary / B&B accommodation? Shelter could tell you what you're entitled to

Or if you work in hospitality, is there some live in accommodation eg work in a hotel

Please don't minimise the abuse you endure. You are as worthy of help as other women and children in abusive homes

What I find crazy is that after he hits me, when I confront him about what he has just done, then he denies hitting me! Does he truly not think he did it?
Why did I waste 15 years of my life on him?

You might not require a hostel place but there are lots of support services that it sounds as if you would benefit from including legal advice and support navigating the housing system that you could access through contacting women’s aid, part of this may be reporting the incidents of abuse to the police so there is evidence that you have been attacked. Your statement and physical and mental condition are part of that evidence. You deserve to be safe and be supported at this hard time.

OP - have a look at some of these options on Age UK - there are some charities mentioned with over 55 housing options.

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/housing-options/specialist-housing-options/

Do you feel you could do live in companion/carer work?

The sort of thing this company provides?

mylifehomecare.co.uk/terms-of-use/