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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to move my young family abroad?

56 replies

BonVoyager · 28/10/2021 21:20

This is purely hypothetical at the moment.

Would you move a young family abroad for work? I have two preschool aged children. I'm at a point where I'd really like a change of job but a lot of the job openings are abroad.

I really love the idea of moving abroad for a bit. It feels like an adventure, I'd love the kids to learn a second language, I'd like to see the world a bit.

The logistics of it could be (relatively) simple as I work in an industry where it's a very international job market and normal to move around. So I'm not too worried about the practical side of things but I am worried about the emotional effect on my family. It's not a given that it would be easy for DH to find work in another country and it would be a big upheaval for the children.

So my question is, would it be mad to do this? Have you moved abroad with a young family, how was it?

OP posts:

Thehop · 28/10/2021 21:23

God I’d love to do this

shouldistop · 28/10/2021 21:24

How does your dh feel about it? Do the children have grandparents who are a big part of their lives at the moment?

Original poster

BonVoyager · 28/10/2021 21:26

thank you @Thehop, what's stopping you if you don't mind my asking?

OP posts:

CuteOrangeElephant · 28/10/2021 21:26

Do it now your children are preschoolers. We moved when my DD was almost 3 and she coped great with the international move. A year later and she really struggled with a house move 2 miles away.

Original poster

BonVoyager · 28/10/2021 21:30

Good questions @shouldistop. DH is kind of open minded at the moment, not a yes let's go for it but not a no ether. Grandparents is something I'm a bit worried about. We're not very close to either grandparents but problem see one set or the other about once a month or so. The children would obviously lose that. But I am not considering this a permanent move, maybe for a couple of years

OP posts:

altiara · 28/10/2021 21:30

Probably better to do it while they’re preschool age.
Not sure whether your DH would be on board.

WoolyMammoth55 · 28/10/2021 21:30

Not me OP but my sister did last year with her 4 and 5 yo's.
I am insanely jealous of her career that lets her do this and seriously considering re-training to copy!
It's so great for the children - they have moved to a bigger house, huge garden with pool, tropical climate, fantastic health resources for the family and amazing culture and wildlife.
I think it's a massive gift to give the children to expand their horizons like this, and to experience other cultures.
Like you her DH couldn't work initially, but he's now looking likely to get recruited into a local role after being a SAHP this past year. So the kids benefitted from that extra time with him too.
Financially the cost of living there is much cheaper, they are massively better off and when things open up again they will have many opportunities for adventurous travel that wouldn't have been financially possible from the UK.
It's been a huge life upgrade and the area I'm most sad for my kids in comparison is the physical activities piece - a bunch of classes are laid on for them in the complex where they live, incredibly easy to access and the weather is always pool-warm so they are swimming every day... They have never looked healthier or happier (compared to my pasty lockdown kids coming up for miserable winter weather where we can't even play in the garden - boo hoo!)
So from what I've seen there are really no downsides, only upsides.
BTW I'm sure the grandparents would disagree! But that's selfish when you consider how much the kids are thriving.

schmalex · 28/10/2021 21:30

I don't think preschoolers will find it a big upheaval, although your DH might.

We moved overseas when mine were 4 and 6, and have just moved back now they're 7 and 9. We had a great time, they saw a different way of life and learned a language.

We moved for my DH's job and I did find it difficult, so it's important that your partner is keen too.

altiara · 28/10/2021 21:34

Cross posted.
If DH is potentially be on board, then could be an exciting opportunity. Just remember to check school application dates etc if you’re coming back.
I would’ve loved to work abroad!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 28/10/2021 21:34

We did for four years. Eldest was 4-8, youngest 2-6. They did attend a British school (provided by DHs employer.

We moved back 6 months before Lockdown 1. I was very happy to be back in the UK during that.

shouldistop · 28/10/2021 21:35

@BonVoyager

Good questions *@shouldistop*. DH is kind of open minded at the moment, not a yes let's go for it but not a no ether. Grandparents is something I'm a bit worried about. We're not very close to either grandparents but problem see one set or the other about once a month or so. The children would obviously lose that. But I am not considering this a permanent move, maybe for a couple of years

Your dh obviously has to be on board fully, maybe he just needs time to think about it. I wouldn't worry too much about the grandparents then as it doesn't sound like you're very close. If the kids were being looked after by them every week then I'd probably think differently.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 28/10/2021 21:36

Forgot to say...we all had a great time, and it gave DDs a brilliant experience. We lived in two countries (Mediterranean and then North West Europe)

Original poster

BonVoyager · 28/10/2021 21:39

Thank you all for your thoughts, it's particularly nice to hear about other people's experiences. Agree that DH being on board is absolutely critical, I wouldn't want to turn his life upside down!

Really pleased to hear people say preschool is a good time to do it too. I feel like it's something I'd really like to do but certainly wouldn't want to do it when the children were older and it could be really unsettling for them and mess around with their education. So now feels like the opportune time in a way!

OP posts:

InTheLabyrinth · 28/10/2021 21:42

We did it for 4 years. Left with a 4 and 6 yr old. Came back for secondary school applications.
I became SAHM for the time.
It was brill for DHs career. Brill for the kids. Their breadth of education in term of how things are done elsewhere, and global geography is amazing (their English geography less so!). It wasnt great for my career (I'm now earning 1/3 of my old salary, more like half if it was FT hours).
As a family unit, it was absolutely a great thing to do.
As an individual, is hasnt been worthwhile for me.

Original poster

BonVoyager · 28/10/2021 21:43

With my DH I suspect I need to present him with the exact scenario for him to decide whether he is on board or not. E.g. we are going to move to this specific town in this country rather than just floating the idea of 'let's move abroad'. Which is fair enough, 'let's move abroad' is a bit of an open ended statement

OP posts:

NetballHoop · 28/10/2021 21:45

My parents did this, well they kept moving every few years. I often get asked what it was like to grow up like that, but it's the only childhood I know so I can't compare it.

We did lose contact with grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. We also don't have friends from school as we never stayed anywhere that long.

It was fabulous in many ways and I wouldn't change it, but I haven't done the same with my children.

Original poster

BonVoyager · 28/10/2021 21:45

@InTheLabyrinth I'm sorry to hear that your experience is that it hasn't been worthwhile for you as an individual. You've sort of summed up my thinking in a way. I think it would be great for us as a unit but I don't want DH to be collateral damage in that. Can I ask why you chose not work whilst you were away? Was it not possible for you?

OP posts:

Clown1 · 28/10/2021 21:49

I just returned from 5 years in Cyprus. My children were 1, 3, 6 and 9 when we moved. I put them into the local schools and the older 3 a pretty fluent in Greek now. It was a good move and we made some great memories. I'd have to say go for it.

YoungGiftedPlump · 28/10/2021 21:59

where too?

Have lived and worked abroad for 30 years- lots of places I would not take children

pjani · 28/10/2021 22:00

I would say pick somewhere your DH can work. My DH has nearly got a few jobs overseas and I was keen as long as I could get a decent job there. You read too many stories about the ‘trailing spouse’ suffering and marriages breaking down.

astoundedgoat · 28/10/2021 22:02

Do it. But do it somewhere your kids will get cultural benefits and language skills. Italy, not Dubai, for instance.

InTropicalTrumpsLand · 28/10/2021 22:10

I agree preschool is a great time to do it. Easier to find wrap around childcare, your children will pick up the language quicker, and it won't interfere with schooling. Don't do it when they're in sixth form, like my parents did, else they'll end up learning some modules twice and not learning some modules at all. Unfortunately, I speak from experience.

maddy68 · 28/10/2021 22:12

I moved aboad a couple of Years ago. I really wish I'd done it years ago so my children could go to a local school and become bilingual. They would have had a much better upbringing

GnomeDePlume · 28/10/2021 22:14

We did this, my company offered me a job in a European project team. DCs were 1, 3, 5. DH was already SAHP. 5 year old went into the local primary and the younger two followed in their turn. Within 6 months eldest was fully fluent in the local language. Younger 2 became fluent when they joined the school.

We were abroad for 5 years. We moved back in time for eldest to go to secondary school. Eldest took GCSE & A level in the language as a twilight subject (language not taught by the school). Still pretty good at the language now.

It wasnt the great career boost for me. When we moved back my employer didnt really know what to do with me (fairly common for returning expats). I was eventually made redundant.

No regrets, it was a great experience and it does look good on my CV to have that international experience.

TheSunIsStillShining · 28/10/2021 22:21

Just asked my kid did it cause any long lasting issues that we up and moved when he was 6.
Now, he is 16 and his reaction with a smirk, tone and everything you can imagine from a teen boy: muuuum, really???? Best thing ever.
:)

Go for it.

When I was 7 my parents took me to live in an arab county from europe. Loved our 5 years there, became bilingual.
Did hate going back to home country and wanted to leave from the day we got back.

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