To feel awkward around kids?

[donemeover]

Just that really. I feel very, very awkward around children.

I don't know what to say to them or what to do - and find it quite dull keeping up pretend conversations and laughter out of politeness.

I don't mind babies, when they are just present and not talking but once they reach 2 years and older, I just find it awkward until they're 10 and older. Ages 2-10 I find communication real difficult! And dull.

Is this a sign I shouldn't be a parent because I keep being told it's different when they're you're own.

Is that true, Or is it equally awkward and boring even when they're your own?

It's not really something people can tell you to do and it doesn't sound like you're that keen. Children need 'interaction' under 2 so the 0-2 you refer to as being non-interactive is definitely not the right idea about bringing up babies. I would say that being self conscious is not great with DC as when they are young you will have to get over that as they will be embarrassing if you care what people think about you.

I think if you want children you have to have a positive outlook, I have adored every stage, I have one teenager now and we have really interesting conversations but I respect him and don't infantalise him so it works well and we are very close. I absolutely adored all ages with both of mine but I loved doing things with them like mini performances and Julia Donaldson song book puppet plays. It was definitely the best thing I ever did and I had a very stimulating job that held alot of kudos etc. I didn't return to it as I wanted to be near to my babies. I do have a very supportive husband though and a good job now that is a professional 'gold dust' part time good job but I still feel my best life choice was DC.

Gahhh I hate talking to kids. I try my best with mine and at least I can be myself but she can talk absolute bobbins. Play dates are one of my worst nightmares and most recently DD slept over at a neighbour’s and by 8.30am had brought all 3 of neighbour’s kids back to ours like the fucking Pied Piper. I wasn’t up properly yet as it was a weekend and found myself trapped in the toilet with the kids all giggling outside the door, listening to me pee. I’m ashamed to say after a tough week at work and being horribly precious about my privacy I had a meltdown at DH and told him to deal with it and just went out in my pyjamas. I’m not very good at adulting some days and really forward kids who think they own every space they walk into really intimidate me. Always have since I was young.

Oh and youngest DC has friends over form 7-10 and they are very funny. I have one little sibling come over that loves my DD and wants to come over but then will say to me he's bored as the girls are doing a dance routine or something he's not keen. In all honesty I find his response hilarious it has become an in joke between DH and I as he is actually very funny to talk to.

Am now in my 50s .. My sister is not a Mum and loves her niece and nephews but she was really out of her comfort zone when they were very young.

I'm not the most maternal person, I'm just not overly fussed on children or babies and find it dull trying to hold a conversation with them BUT that only goes for children that I'm not close to. I never thought I'd adore any child but my 2 nephews are brilliant, they are 6 and 10 and probably my two favourite people in the world. I'm also 37 weeks pregnant with my first so I'm glad to know that it's totally different when it's your own or like your own like my 2 nephews are to me. It'll be a total different kettle of fish when you have your own

I’m the same, no natural rapport with children at all, just as well I never had any!

I love my 12 year old nephew dearly but still don’t really know what to say to him!

I can totally relate to this. The dread when the nieces and nephews were to visit or one of my siblings putting one of their kids on the phone ' chat to Auntie River'. No, don't!!!
I had nothing to say and no entertainment to offer.

If I was visiting, then I'd only relax when the kids were in bed. 😆.

Now I have my own it's completely different. I

And I'm a childminder and practically Mary Poppins!

It's just a sign you haven't spent much time with dc and don't know how to engage in a way that is pleasant for both of you.

I felt awkward with dc before I had my own. I'm much better now. Practice makes perfect!

But if you really feel you don't enjoy being around dc then it is OK to choose not to have any.

Before having kids I was definitely very awkward around them and found I had little to say or do with them. But my own are adorable. Tiring yes but never tiresome. And now actually I find my nieces and nephews and my kids little friends quite adorable too - but I also spend a lot of time around them so probably have more to chat about rather than seeing them once in six months and having nothing to say.

I quite like other people's kids usually.
But their babies, god no.
I've never much liked babies, colleagues found the idea of me with babies pretty funny.

Sometimes you will be very bored of your own dc, sometimes totally enthralled I suspect like most parents.

I have teens, and I've loved being around my kids every step of the way. They're great!

But I have zero interest in other people's children. Very awkward conversation because a) I don't know their interests and communication style, and b) I really don't care what they're saying, it's usually boring. And there's also c), that I spend enough time and energy around my own kids, if I'm catching up with a friend I want to spend time talking to my friend, not spend more time talking to kids!

Totally different when it’s your own. Don’t sweat it! I think for me it is partly that when I interacted with another child the parent would always be there and I’d feel observed and judged. I still feel that now, despite having my own child.

When it’s just you and you are in charge and nobody is judging you, you can relax into it. To be honest even now I probably feel more relaxed hanging out just me and DS than I do when DH is also there.

I’m the same as you, OP.

I wasn’t particularly keen on children even when I was one myself. As an adult I don’t feel at all comfortable around them. I don’t find them endearing or cute in any way, even if I’m related to them. I only ever held my nephew once and I couldn’t wait to hand him back to his mum. (He’s now 6’3 & plays rugby so I’m unlikely to do so again….).

This is one of the many reasons why I’m very happily childfree by choice. Being a parent isn’t for everyone.

You are not weird,but probably best not have chikdren.Get a dog,its easier and more rewarding.

I feel awkward around children I don't know well, and I have one of my own. I think if you see a child grow up and get to know them, it's much easier to engage with them and be silly/play games. Obviously when it's your own that's super easy because you're with them 24/7.

But if you don't want children don't have them. It's damn hard work, I wouldn't recommended it to anyone who isn't keen.

Yes, I'm like this. I don't have children of my own. I don't dislike children but I don't know how to talk to them. In fairness, I'm not great at talking to adults either! Adults, though, respond to my tried and tested albeit dull small talk gambits. Young children can't pretend an interest in 'What terrible weather we've been having lately'.

It's really noticeable if I'm with someone else - they'll swoop in with an age-appropriate remark such as 'What lovely pink wellies!' which would just never occur to me.

I have little interest in other people's kids. It can be awkward engaging with an adult you have nothing in common with, let alone a child where the common ground is non existent.

I feel like this too. I’m a mum and a teacher - I love being around my own kids and I love my class. But I’m not keen on being around kids outside of that.

@HaveringWavering

Totally different when it’s your own. Don’t sweat it! I think for me it is partly that when I interacted with another child the parent would always be there and I’d feel observed and judged. I still feel that now, despite having my own child.

When it’s just you and you are in charge and nobody is judging you, you can relax into it. To be honest even now I probably feel more relaxed hanging out just me and DS than I do when DH is also there.

This is exactly it, because the parent is there I feel judged as if they think I'm not talking to their child good enough or incase they're thinking - blimey, she hasn't got a clue!

Sounds ridiculous but true

I've had kids and had no problems talking to them or playing with them but I'm still quite shy and awkward with other peoples DC.

Children are undividuals. You don't automatically expect to like all adults before you get to know know them do you?

You need to do things with dc rather than talk to them! If you want a practical way out of this, the next time you are invited to a gathering where DC are present, take an age appropriate sticker book or similar with you, or a simple game like matchsticks or jacks, or simple origami or something, and do the activity together. The conversation will follow after that.

Most DC thrive on a bit of attention and having an adult seem genuinely interested in them. The same as adults really!

OP I used to feel like that before I had DS. I never wanted to make the polite, awkward kid talk with a child. It didn't interest me.

Fast forward and my DS has a rare chromosome disorder which means he is non-verbal, very unlikely to ever speak. However, even though I have never built verbal communication with my child, I find it much easier with other people's children now. There is a switch that goes on when you have a child.

Same here OP.
I had three children and absolutely adore them and find them easy to be with. They were just so cute and funny and lovable. Adults now and better still. Great company!
I don't particularly enjoy the company of other people's children. I find them a bit boring if I'm honest. Particularly ages 5-12.
I generally leave them alone but I'll listen if they want to chat. I never do that performance thing of trying to be funny or getting them to like me. Basically I treat them like mini adults, so if they can hold a conversation (I even talk to two years old like adults, just keeping it simpler)
They either get bored with me or they start following me everywhere.
Actually, thinking about it, it worked similarly with my own, although I used a lot more nonsense words!

It seems you would like to have children and are apprehensive about being awkward around them? In which case I say, do it, you'll be fine.
If you don't want them, no shame in that either!

Also OP remember that when you are with your own child your conversations will have a purpose- helping them get dressed, what they want for tea, telling them about something in the world, later on talking about their day at school and helping with homework etc etc. there will be fun playful ones but also serious ones. There will be ones where they drive you mad trying to extract an extra biscuit or time on the iPad, or you need to devise a complex bargaining strategy to get them to do something. It’s a million miles from making “small talk” with someone else’s child or trying to be fun with them and the best part is that you can do it entirely your way.

And of course with your own child you can pepper every interaction with as much cuddling and kissing as you want (my son is 5, sure there is a cutoff for this but it hasn’t come yet ) and the dynamic is different because, generally, young children do want to be with their Mum and chat to her whereas another child is likely to be wary of you to begin with.