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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel awkward around kids?

100 replies

donemeover · 28/10/2021 21:18

Just that really. I feel very, very awkward around children.

I don't know what to say to them or what to do - and find it quite dull keeping up pretend conversations and laughter out of politeness.

I don't mind babies, when they are just present and not talking but once they reach 2 years and older, I just find it awkward until they're 10 and older. Ages 2-10 I find communication real difficult! And dull.

Is this a sign I shouldn't be a parent because I keep being told it's different when they're you're own.

Is that true, Or is it equally awkward and boring even when they're your own?

OP posts:
Thepennysjustdropped · 28/10/2021 21:44

So no, you sound quite normal Grin

Original poster
donemeover · 28/10/2021 21:45

@Thepennysjustdropped

So no, you sound quite normal Grin
Phew, 🤣
OP posts:
celestebellman · 28/10/2021 21:47

I never liked children much and always felt awkward around them. I did want my own though - I have 3 and I have felt many things around then (ranging from delighted to infuriated) but awkward is never one of them. I do still feel somewhat awkward with other people's children, and with my kids' friends - I'm just not a natural 'child' person. I think that it is completely different what you feel around your own kids, and how interesting you find them.

Original poster
donemeover · 28/10/2021 21:48

@celestebellman

I never liked children much and always felt awkward around them. I did want my own though - I have 3 and I have felt many things around then (ranging from delighted to infuriated) but awkward is never one of them. I do still feel somewhat awkward with other people's children, and with my kids' friends - I'm just not a natural 'child' person. I think that it is completely different what you feel around your own kids, and how interesting you find them.
Music to my ears!! I really was panicking thinking wanting kids may not be a good idea lol. But these comments are reassuring for me.
OP posts:
pinkgin85 · 28/10/2021 21:49

This is me, I don't enjoy being around any children, except my own (most of the time!)

Xwvhtsghyf · 28/10/2021 21:49

I felt completely the same I was so uncomfortable talking to kids. I now have two of my own (2 and 4). I am still awkward around other children but with your own it’s just like talking to another member of the family and just seems to flow naturally you don’t have any awkwardness as you made them x

MassiveHoard · 28/10/2021 21:52

This was me with bells on. I was absolutely awkward around kids. Still am a little, but it's got an awful lot better since I had my own. It's definitely not a reason not to have them. Other people's kids can be so tedious Grin

Reptar · 28/10/2021 21:53

I used to feel like that, and also didn't believe I had any maternal instinct at all. Which I didn't until I had my own. My biggest fear when I was pregnant was 'what if I don't like my own child'.

Original poster
donemeover · 28/10/2021 21:53

@Reptar

I used to feel like that, and also didn't believe I had any maternal instinct at all. Which I didn't until I had my own. My biggest fear when I was pregnant was 'what if I don't like my own child'.
This is me all over. Worrying if I'm doing the right think choosing to have them.
OP posts:
EnidFrighten · 28/10/2021 21:57

It's hard to choose whether to have kids and you understandably frame it largely in terms of how it impacts your own happiness. Once you have them, it's not about your happiness any more, it's just your state of existence and some of it is awful and some of it is marvellous.

Like a passion for anything - sport, gardening, model railways etc - you become absorbed in the tiny details and can't give up even if it's tough going. So a small child doing something annoying will also be annoying to its parent but at the same time framed in a continuum of development, just like a garden might look like weeds and flowers at first sight but the gardener sees layers of complexity, plans and tasks and tiny worlds.

Minniem2020 · 28/10/2021 21:58

Don't worry op. Im really not that keen on other people's children and I have baby number 3 on the wayGrin Totally different when it's your own

TheMoth · 28/10/2021 21:59

It's really, really boring with your own until they get to about 5. Then it's boring again around 9, when they know it all, then they turn mute at 12.

I'm best with kids when I have a nice bit of professional distance.

Original poster
donemeover · 28/10/2021 22:01

@TheMoth

It's really, really boring with your own until they get to about 5. Then it's boring again around 9, when they know it all, then they turn mute at 12.

I'm best with kids when I have a nice bit of professional distance.

Lol, see I quite like babies, aside from lack of sleep I would quite look forward to 0-2 years I think it's not that that puts me off.

It's when they get to the interaction stage!

OP posts:
PurpleOkapi · 28/10/2021 22:03

@donemeover

Yes I do have young children in my immediate family and admittedly it's much less awkward so you're right maybe it's that / how much time you spend around them that makes a difference?

But I am really unenthusiastic with others kids and it really worries me! I have zero interest in them and just find it so boring lol.

But I do want my own. Hope I'm not sounding crazy.

Why do you want your own? What about parenthood sounds appealing to you?

It's ok to not want children. It's ok to not like children. But if you know that about yourself, you shouldn't have children. As other posters have said, it's often different when they're your own. But not always. I've seen too many cases where someone relied on nature working its magic and making her happy to be a mother, and then it never happened. As bad as that is for the mother, it's worse for the child.

Original poster
donemeover · 28/10/2021 22:09

@PurpleOkapi I agree it's a risk isn't it. But it's equally a risk with people who 'gel' to kids - I've seen many of those people have their own and be in for a real shock. So I honestly think it can happen to anyone to be honest.

OP posts:
TheLeadbetterLife · 28/10/2021 22:14

I have zero interest in babies or children. Teens can be okay, but they’re kind of idiotic.

I cannot understand the cooing over prams or the crowding round when people bring their new babies into offices.

I am childfree by choice though, so probably a bad example.

TheLeadbetterLife · 28/10/2021 22:16

The really annoying thing is that kids seem to like me though, for god knows what reason. Then their parents expect me to reciprocate the interest.

Clarkey86 · 28/10/2021 22:17

I’m a primary teacher with a 4YO and one on the way…and even I feel awkward around other people’s kids Grin

For me it’s mostly because when I’m with my own, or kids in my class, I know them really well as individuals and can manage their behaviour etc.

When it’s other people’s I’m always a bit nervous about managing their behaviour with parents around - so if they’re being annoying and over the top, I don’t feel like I can tell them to pack it in and have to do the playing along thing.

It’s 300% different when it’s your own! Plus they’re just little miracles that you’ve created and moulded.

BeHappyAndSmile · 28/10/2021 22:22

I've always been awkward around kids, no young children in my close family and not many friends had young kids. I find a lot of them annoying and just a bit repetitive tbh.

But my kid....god he's just the best thing since sliced bread. I could (and do!) read the same book 20 times over at his request and it's fine because his little face lights up at his favourite bits and the smiles just melt me.

So yeah it's definitely different when it's your own Grin and as for the being in for a shock, fuck me was it a shock to suddenly have a baby despite wanting one for a long time. It was harder than I ever expected (and I expected bloody hard) but it gets easier and easier by the day. If you do want kids of your own don't let the awkwardness around other children put you off!

Lucythewonderdog · 28/10/2021 22:23

Really? You don’t have to have kids. Look how much the world’s population has increased in the last 50 odd years and then give it a think.

Life is very fulfilling without children.

Blurryeyedbeast · 28/10/2021 22:29

I'm exactly the same OP. No idea around them at all. And people seem to think I'm very weird for it.
No siblings
No kids younger than me in the family.
I've no experience whatsoever and it really stresses me out. Teens I'm fine with.

Lucythewonderdog · 28/10/2021 22:31

“Miracles” 🙄 really @Clarkey86?

Just read around here, even today long threads about how women are being left (by their perception) with the boring child rearing while the husband gets promoted to earning £70k from £28k. Still. Unhappy she throws out “any idiot can have children “ at people. Lol what a great life eh? Who needs that crap and stress, I know I’d rather be childfree ❤️

Thatswhatmamasaid · 28/10/2021 22:33

I was exactly the same until I had DS4. I think if you do need to interact with young kids, be playful and child like, that definitely helps.

Original poster
donemeover · 28/10/2021 22:34

@Thatswhatmamasaid

I was exactly the same until I had DS4. I think if you do need to interact with young kids, be playful and child like, that definitely helps.
That's what drives me mad, I feel stupid being childlike in public! I wouldn't mind if it was in my own home but other people's kids won't be in my home lol
OP posts:
misskatamari · 28/10/2021 22:36

Oh god no, it’s totally different when they’re your own. I’ve got two (6 and 7) and still don’t really like having to talk to other peoples kids. Mine are ace tho of course 😄 not liking general other children has absolutely no bearing on if you should have your own kids