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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sick of the expectation to work extra hours?

45 replies

Burnt0utMum · 28/10/2021 17:46

My job is a typical 9-5.30 Mon-Fri and WFH. I don't mind being a bit flexible sometimes but also I'm quite limited by my kids' schedules for clubs in the evenings and just generally being there to do dinner etc. and I'm studying part time too so time is limited. I log off on time but other people seem happy to stay hours extra. We've now been told that once a month we'll have to go on a rota to stay til 9pm. The time can then be taken back in the next working day. I said this is going to be really difficult for me to accommodate but was pretty much ignored. AIBU to say I don't mind staying an extra hour or so if it's paid as overtime but not something set in stone til 9pm? It'll be a different day of the week each month too and will definitely clash with my kids clubs.

OP posts:
Sunseeker90 · 28/10/2021 17:48

In your contract what does it say about your hours of work? Eg does it say monday-friday 9-5:30 or does it say any hours dictated by the needs of the buosness or similar?

If your contract states hours they need to start a consultation period to make a change

VanillaPip · 28/10/2021 17:49

What does your contract say? Have a look at that

In the meantime you say 'no I'm sorry, I can't.' No need to give reasons as to why. You're happy to work your contracted hours but you're unable to work extra going into the evening

tiredanddangerous · 28/10/2021 17:50

What does your contract say? If you're contracted for 9-5 they can't suddenly announce that you'll be staying til 9pm without following a proper procedure for changing your contract.

ScrumptiousBears · 28/10/2021 17:56

My contract covers this with a "needs of the business" clause. I combat this with a worklife balance agreement to cover the days my DCs have clubs so they can make me work extra on those days.

Original poster
Burnt0utMum · 28/10/2021 17:59

My hours are in my contract but unfortunately it also says they can vary them if they give notice. So does that mean they can make me work any hours they like as long as they tell me beforehand?

OP posts:
2020isnotbehaving · 28/10/2021 18:02

Once a month isn’t to bad if you have it in work contract but are they expecting you to do 12h that day? Could you take break and take kids to club and then carry on working? Any parents you could car share with so one drops one pick up? If you have every Tuesday and Wednesday with no clubs or friend who could help you could suggest on your day per month it’s on one those days?

Original poster
Burnt0utMum · 28/10/2021 18:08

Yeah it's a 12 hour day with an hour break somewhere in the middle (which I use for school run). Their clubs will be right in the middle of the extra hours so couldn't pick up or drop off and there's no other parents I could ask. We can't pick the day as it has to be a specific day each month. I'm not available this month and won't be next month or the month after. They probably think I'm just being difficult but honestly I feel so much pressure from every angle and I just can't fit it in.

OP posts:
gogohm · 28/10/2021 18:10

Starting 3.5 hours late that day is a reasonable request, once a month to cover the phones or whatever is common.

DeepaBeesKit · 28/10/2021 18:11

Can the childrens dad not help? It's only one day per month.

OnlyGin · 28/10/2021 18:11

I hate this whole live to work society we have. YANBU. Let me guess they aren't going to increase your pay to cover for the inconvenience either?

Crazycrazylady · 28/10/2021 18:13

Honestly yes you are coming across as difficult.
One evening per month with time back the following day isn't a bonkers request.
I'd just ask your partner to do it or ask a favour from other parents on that day.
A half day once a month is very handy for loads of reason like dentist appointment etc that are hard to fit in during the week. I'd focus on that.

Toottootdrive · 28/10/2021 18:17

Children’s Dad can do one club per month. Or share lifts with friends.

You are being awkward.

Original poster
Burnt0utMum · 28/10/2021 18:18

DH would have to leave work early to accommodate it and would mean we lose money so no way are we doing that.

OP posts:
Foolsrule · 28/10/2021 18:24

Fuck that noise. You weren’t employed to keep evenings free indefinitely at the whim of an employer who didn’t state this upfront. Surely this could be seen as discriminatory, in that parents will find this much harder to facilitate than those without children?

moanymyrtle · 28/10/2021 18:28

Are you in a union?

2020isnotbehaving · 28/10/2021 18:30

If it’s genuinely can’t find childcare from 5.30-9 may have point to argue. If kids are usually on own while you work till 5.30 and “just” missing swimming club once a month that’s just pain but one those things.

Plenty non parents have clubs or commitments on regular evenings a week too that they would have to miss. It’s not really fair just make non parents pick up slack for next 5years or so. Is it worth finding new job over this?

Gladioli23 · 28/10/2021 18:34

Could you get them to agree for you it was the same day each month? E.g. always the first Thursday or whatever? I would find that much easier to manage than a rotating rosta.

Tabitha005 · 28/10/2021 18:34

@Crazycrazylady

Honestly yes you are coming across as difficult. One evening per month with time back the following day isn't a bonkers request. I'd just ask your partner to do it or ask a favour from other parents on that day. A half day once a month is very handy for loads of reason like dentist appointment etc that are hard to fit in during the week. I'd focus on that.
What if the employer then decides they want employees to work until 9pm twice a month? Or once a week? I'd definitely be questioning this with my employer and would want to understand if this is the start of a wider plan to change working hours and contracts.
DeepaBeesKit · 28/10/2021 18:35

Does DH do any "normal" time pick ups eg 5.30, 6pm? Or do you do all of them, facilitating him working a little later?

Alpinechalet · 28/10/2021 18:38

You are being asked to work one “late” night a month with compensatory time off the next day. This means it’s not extra hours, just working your standard hours at a different time.

To put it another way you are being asked to work 12 late nights each year. You will know in advance what dates are, so can plan ahead.

This is not an unreasonable request from your employer to meet a business need. It appears to be fair as everyone is being asked to work this, the week days will be rotated and you are being given plenty of notice so you can make arrangements for child care.

Honestly, you either need to accept that this is a business need and look at childcare options or find another job.

OnlyGin · 28/10/2021 18:43

You are being asked to work one “late” night a month with compensatory time off the next day. This means it’s not extra hours, just working your standard hours at a different time.

It may not be extra hours but it is an inconvenience, especially to people with a young family. Starting 3 hours late the next day is of no use to OP.

People should be allowed to plan their family life around their standard working hours. Is everyone just supposed to scramble to rearrange things now whenever their employer says you have to work 3 hours longer in the evening? What if like a PP said, they decide they need this once every fortnight or once a week etc...

OP could go to bagpipe lessons at 6pm every night after work if she wanted to, she should be allowed to plan her life outside of her normal working hours however she sees fit.

girlmom21 · 28/10/2021 18:43

Why are people acting as though OP is being unreasonable here? Presumably she picked a 9-5 because that's what suits her family.

What happens when people call in sick on their late finishes and OP is expected to cover last minute or when one day a month becomes one day a week?

Stick to your guns here OP.

OnlyGin · 28/10/2021 18:45

@girlmom21

Why are people acting as though OP is being unreasonable here? Presumably she picked a 9-5 because that's what suits her family.

What happens when people call in sick on their late finishes and OP is expected to cover last minute or when one day a month becomes one day a week?

Stick to your guns here OP.

I agree. All the questioning about why OP can't do X Y or X... Because that's not how they have arranged their family life, which they are perfectly entitled to do however best suits them. If it doesn't suit their family for her husband to leave work early why should they?
HouseOfFire · 28/10/2021 18:46

@Burnt0utMum

DH would have to leave work early to accommodate it and would mean we lose money so no way are we doing that.
1 day a month?
Original poster
Burnt0utMum · 28/10/2021 18:54

Glad some people are seeing my point. I've chosen this sort of job because the hours fit around my life. Even if DH could take the kids to their clubs, is it so bad that I actually want to do it? I enjoy that time watching them do their activities. I want that time in the evenings to be with them instead of working, or I would've chosen a different job with different hours. Clubs are also paid for in advance so whether they miss them or DH leaves work early, we'd be out of pocket. The late stays are only because some people in the business can't get their act together to be done on time so insist we stay open that late. It's entirely possible to finish on time if the culture would allow it.

OP posts: