To feel sick of the expectation to work extra hours?

[Burnt0utMum]

My job is a typical 9-5.30 Mon-Fri and WFH. I don't mind being a bit flexible sometimes but also I'm quite limited by my kids' schedules for clubs in the evenings and just generally being there to do dinner etc. and I'm studying part time too so time is limited. I log off on time but other people seem happy to stay hours extra. We've now been told that once a month we'll have to go on a rota to stay til 9pm. The time can then be taken back in the next working day. I said this is going to be really difficult for me to accommodate but was pretty much ignored. AIBU to say I don't mind staying an extra hour or so if it's paid as overtime but not something set in stone til 9pm? It'll be a different day of the week each month too and will definitely clash with my kids clubs.

It's a pain but I would do it. Kids miss club or dh does it that day. I'm a teacher, we have parents evening 2 nights a years, school plays, twilight meetings etc. If I know the dates we move or miss kids clubs.

Sounds like a rubbish company. But I guess if you’re not willing to do the 1 day a month, then sounds like it is better to look for another job?

It’s in your contract. So yes the6 can do this

It’s one day a month, and you get the hours back the next day

If you can’t do then speak to them. Although it’s one day a month s9 8 dont see why your dh can’t help out

I would just look for a other job.
First it's once a month then it'll be once a week.

I absolutely know that it's not ideal but your contract allows for them to do this so you can absolutely go to war on this if you want but it sounds to me that you'll lose.
All that will achieve is damage your relationship with your employers abs your colleagues who will be annoyed that you're not willing to do your share.
It also sounds that your work are being semi flexible by allowing you schedule lunch around your school pick up time. You also didn't mention childcare so are your children at home in the afternoon which I know not all employers allow.
I just think pick your battles here and if it's one you can't win, there is no point in damaging relationships all over the place.

All that will achieve is damage your relationship with your employers abs your colleagues who will be annoyed that you're not willing to do your share.

Alternatively, a large proportion of employees refuse and the business needs to reassess how to manage the additional workload.

Can you not share lifts with someone else at the clubs?

They are a flexible employer in general but I was reassured of this when I interviewed for the job and I emphasised how important it was to me and I wouldn't have accepted the offer otherwise. Honestly, my colleagues seem more than happy to work extra on a regular basis and make a point of saying what time they worked til the night before. It makes me feel like I'm slacking by logging off on time even though I've worked hard all day. I have done extra in the mornings or evenings here and there but only when it suits me to do it without other aspects of my life suffering. I'd never stay til 9pm even without considering clubs. I'm in bed by 10pm every night exhausted anyway.

I’d go back with a compromise. You can do one evening every two months or so, but explain it means your kids missing their clubs so it’s very inconvenient (and I’d find missing 1 out of every 4 club sessions unacceptable). Or just say no, or look for another job. I do think they’re being unreasonable, despite what other posters think!

@girlmom21

All that will achieve is damage your relationship with your employers abs your colleagues who will be annoyed that you're not willing to do your share.

Alternatively, a large proportion of employees refuse and the business needs to reassess how to manage the additional workload.

But the op has said her colleagues appear happy to do it so that's not the case here??

Can you take your laptop with you and work while they're at their club?

I could take the laptop with me but I doubt I'd get much done. Need to give them dinner before we leave and make sure they're ready. Then driving there and going in and the same on the way back all while trying to keep working without a break up to 9pm. I don't think I'd cope.

From ACAS

Indirect discrimination
Indirect discrimination can happen when there are rules or arrangements that apply to a group of employees or job applicants, but in practice are less fair to a certain protected characteristic.

The employee or applicant must be able to prove both of the following about the rule or arrangement:

it's unfair to them and to others with the same protected characteristic, for example a woman believes she's experiencing sex discrimination against women
it's unfair compared with those who do not have the protected characteristic, for example, it's unfair to employees who are women, but not to men

I chose a part-time role, but regularly have to work over evenings and weekends, to the point I don't even want to go out Sat nights in case there is an early morning Sunday phonecall.

I am on an average UK salary. My colleagues are all on double my FT salary and on a higher grade, yet we are all treated the same in terms of expectations. They don't seem to mind working anti social hours though, but they don't have kids.

After eight years it grates. My personal time is not my own and if they doubled my salary too then maybe I wouldn't mind.

For one day a month though I could probably hack it.

Honestly, my colleagues seem more than happy to work extra on a regular basis and make a point of saying what time they worked til the night before
That sounds like a really toxic presenteeist work culture of the kind I loathe, and I do sympathise.
However, if they're otherwise quite flexible and good then I do think you need to suck this one up.
is it not at all possible for your DH to do it at least sometimes? Or for the kids to share lifts, as others have suggested?

I don't really think it's unreasonable for your husband to do one night a month - surely he can make up for it the other twenty nights? It may not be fair, but I don't think refusing will do you any favours in work - no matter hi unreasonable the request is.

Hmm I'm on the fence. I think for me it would depend on whether it's a well paid salaried job with otherwise good T&Cs. If so then I would probably just suck it up. Many professional jobs require you to do what needs doing to get the job done outside of the core hours. Me & DH often sit on our laptops of an evening when the kids are in bed but we have well paid jobs, good pensions etc so swings & roundabouts.
Minimum wage or a job with low hourly pay then I'd tell them to get stuffed!

I think it's awful and yanbu.

It's hard enough with you working till 1730 and I don't blame you for wanting to leave in time

I’d start looking for another job, OP. Why can’t they just employ someone to work the later hours on a permanent basis? Or, if not in the position to hire another person, why not ask if anyone wants to change their working hours?

Everyone working one late a month is fine if everyone has no other commitments but having children with no extra or easy childcare means it isn’t easy for you.

Like I said, look for another post. In the meantime, suck up the one late a month as this shows you are willing to be flexible and it won’t damage a potential reference.

If they aren't willing to flex on this, you won't be the only one who cannot do this.

Put in a flex working request to have your hours officially made permanent. They will need to justify why they need you to cover to 9pm. Unless you have clients/customers requiring assistance until 9pm, I think that they may find it hard to reject your request.