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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Office 'collections'

73 replies

GreenApples1977 · 28/10/2021 07:53

I work in an office of around 16, all women.
There's always a collection going round, someone leaving, birthdays etc however this has recently been including those on long term sick leave, moving house, wedding anniversaries and new babies and almost anything really.
Whilst I don't mind contributing to birthdays, all these collections for a card and gifts are starting to bite into my limited income.

Some of us are on much lower salaries, some are single, whilst many have a partner on a generous salary so this doesn't impact them. I think what's got to me now is the suggestion of buying a senior manager (think on over £100K) a present because he's been feeling down, so we've all been asked to give £2.

How do others deal with this? Obviously you only need to give as much as you can afford, but this is costing quite a lot per year and I'm starting to resent it.

AIBU to ask for an overhaul on this generosity?

OP posts:
TurquoiseDragon · 28/10/2021 12:20

We've never done birthday collections, although we occasionally do a birthday card with people signing.

Big events like leaving, weddings and babies get a collection set up, but it's voluntary.

I would question being asked to contribute to a collection for someone who is feeling down, when they are on 5 times my salary, and, (in my case) when I'm also getting UC as a single parent.

Williamshatnershorses · 28/10/2021 12:21

I would genuinely seek out a sympathetic manager or someone who you know has influence and say you have been asked to have a quiet word because a few people are feeling a bit stressed about the expectation to donate as things are getting tight as the £5 donation (or whatever) is - for example - equivalent to their bus fare for the week or their kids school dinners and if they donate, they need to cut something elsewhere from their budget and so can we come up with a way of doing it that doesn’t embarrass these people or cause them hardship because you are sure no-one being gifted would feel comfortable with the situation.

Basically shame them into being more thoughtful about other people’s situations.

Gonnagetgoing · 28/10/2021 12:22

@Whereismumhiding3

Maybe suggest to your manager that these constant money collections are getting out of hand. And suggest alternatives like those suggested already on this thread. Work shouldn't be making these things cause financial hardship nor expected contributions. It is and always should be voluntary.
This.
Mary46 · 28/10/2021 12:37

I did lots temping and yes op its a racket isnt it. I dont mind odd thing giving money but its constant. I got stung few times paying for Managers sandwiches too she had no petty cash and my temping wage is average.

itsallgoingpearshaped · 28/10/2021 12:46

I think what's got to me now is the suggestion of buying a senior manager (think on over £100K) a present because he's been feeling down, so we've all been asked to give £2.

that is frankly ridiculous.

I would definitely say I wouldn't be participating in any office collections going forward after being asked for that! And I'd be clear why.

I work in a school, and it's gotten ridiculous there, too.

Paintyourpaletteblueandgrey · 28/10/2021 13:00

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

Perhaps you need to make it known to the chief collector that you’re felling down and anxious about money.
Why should anyone have to discuss their financial situation with their colleagues.
Technosaurus · 28/10/2021 13:00

I used to hate collections too... until I was having a rough time.

There was one place I worked at, I was only there two years but in that time I: got married, had 2x bereavements, had a big birthday, then left.

My colleagues had a whipround on each of those occasions and I was frankly astonished at the generosity, it was really touching. I was certainly one of the well paid members of staff but certainly the birthday present and flowers at the funeral were a complete surprise, I was genuinely moved.

Having said all that, totally agree with the advice that if it's impacting your personal circumstances, a quiet word should go a long way.

Charlotte0284 · 28/10/2021 13:07

We do a card for birthdays, leaving, new babies and bereavements here but it is organised by one person and is paid for by the company. I prefer this as I don't feel forced into contributing when I don't really know the person

Brefugee · 28/10/2021 13:08

we have cut it down to weddings (first only), babies, leaving and significant birthdays (so-called "round" ones)

Werehamster · 28/10/2021 13:10

I don't even tell my coworkers when my birthday is. I really don't need a card or collection from them.

Is it always the same person organising it? maybe time to have a word that it's getting to be too much.

itsallgoingpearshaped · 28/10/2021 13:26

@Lalastepmum

When i worked in a school, we would give a token amount each academic year to go in any collections for that year. TAs were generally better at paying than teachers I found on collections prior to this.

Bit like yourself we had a disparity in wages among staff

Yep
Wife2b · 28/10/2021 13:30

I hate office collections, the shake of the envelope like you have no choice. Years ago myself and my partner struggled for money and I’d feel so awkward not contributing, what really annoyed me was the writing of your name on the bag to say you had contributed. Made me feel like it was a game of name and shame though obviously it’s just so those people can write in the card.

darkn · 28/10/2021 13:32

TAs were generally better at paying than teachers I found on collections prior to this

maybe cos the average teacher is bolloxed, exhausted, drained, and stressed to the eyeballs these days and too busy and overwhelmed to go around paying 2 pounds here and therefore every celebration. TAS doesn't have that stress. I know because I worked in both.

godmum56 · 28/10/2021 13:39

my experience is that when one (very brave) person speaks up, many others agree heartily.

NoDecentHandlesLeft · 28/10/2021 14:11

Oh gosh, they try this at my office. There is a Queen Bee who arranges them all. It started with a birthday club, I begrudgingly paid my £2 into it to get a card on my birthday.
Weddings, leaving gifts- fine.
But then it becomes a free for all with all kinds of shitty collections.
I just decline now for anything I don't ant to, not much they can do but bitch about you being stingy

FangsForTheMemory · 28/10/2021 14:16

There's usually a ringleader with stuff like this, and she's often queen bee. Does anyone see how much you put in? I've always been happy to shove 10p into the envelope if nobody's looking. In my last job the queen bee's wedding anniversary came round and we were all expected to cough up. Then it was my birthday two days after my team moved into a different room . . . and I got nothing. Not even a card. I think the longer you work in a place, the less time you have for this sort of situation.

Burnt0utMum · 28/10/2021 14:18

I never take part in collections. I go to work to earn money not lose it and I think the pressure to contribute it so wrong. Luckily, WFH means I can now just delete the emails and forget about it.

Harlequin1088 · 28/10/2021 14:23

I used to work in an office like this. There was literally a collection every couple of days for something or other - birthdays, retirement dos, leaving dos, engagements, weddings, new babies, bereavements, long-term sick, catastrophic life events, gay guy coming out, deaths of pets, the lot.

I used to contribute to every single collection as I didn't want to be "that guy" but when it came to me leaving for a new job, I got nothing. Zip. Nowt. Nada. No card, no present, not even a handshake.

Never again.

TheLeadbetterLife · 28/10/2021 14:28

Oh god, I bet the organiser of these collections just loves sucking up to that senior manager, doesn't she?

We had one like that at a former workplace of mine. She also organised the secret Santa, and somehow always got the manager as her recipient, even though it was supposedly pulled from a hat. So cringe-making.

Mary46 · 28/10/2021 14:47

The silliest one ever was the excel sheet of the site lads birthdays. !! Ffs. No end to it. I think anything is celebrated now ha

itsallgoingpearshaped · 28/10/2021 14:53

@darkn

TAs were generally better at paying than teachers I found on collections prior to this

maybe cos the average teacher is bolloxed, exhausted, drained, and stressed to the eyeballs these days and too busy and overwhelmed to go around paying 2 pounds here and therefore every celebration. TAS doesn't have that stress. I know because I worked in both.

Then you haven't worked in my school because TAs are exhausted, drained and stressed over all the covering we're having to do because of Covid, and paid like crap for the privilege.
TotallySuper · 28/10/2021 20:21

@darkn

TAs were generally better at paying than teachers I found on collections prior to this

maybe cos the average teacher is bolloxed, exhausted, drained, and stressed to the eyeballs these days and too busy and overwhelmed to go around paying 2 pounds here and therefore every celebration. TAS doesn't have that stress. I know because I worked in both.

What is it with mumsnet and teachers. They work hard yes, they have massive amounts of holiday per year and earn more than the average person. They are no hard done by than any other profession. Will somebody think of the poor mortgage advisers/accountants/window cleaners etc etc etc. Mumsnet is so defensive of teachers it's odd.
TotallySuper · 28/10/2021 20:23

@Burnt0utMum

I never take part in collections. I go to work to earn money not lose it and I think the pressure to contribute it so wrong. Luckily, WFH means I can now just delete the emails and forget about it.
I agree, this sort of stuff IS SO much better since WFH. Including declining work night out invites etc
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