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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Office 'collections'

73 replies

GreenApples1977 · 28/10/2021 07:53

I work in an office of around 16, all women.
There's always a collection going round, someone leaving, birthdays etc however this has recently been including those on long term sick leave, moving house, wedding anniversaries and new babies and almost anything really.
Whilst I don't mind contributing to birthdays, all these collections for a card and gifts are starting to bite into my limited income.

Some of us are on much lower salaries, some are single, whilst many have a partner on a generous salary so this doesn't impact them. I think what's got to me now is the suggestion of buying a senior manager (think on over £100K) a present because he's been feeling down, so we've all been asked to give £2.

How do others deal with this? Obviously you only need to give as much as you can afford, but this is costing quite a lot per year and I'm starting to resent it.

AIBU to ask for an overhaul on this generosity?

OP posts:

BigYellowHat · 28/10/2021 08:42

I forgot to say that people only got a present on a 0 birthday (30, 40 etc) and their 18th, 21st if they were a spring chicken. To be fair that definitely cut down on the amount of money requests. Could you suggest that? Plus a list of acceptable things to collect for. You won’t be the only one feeling like this I promise.

CounsellorTroi · 28/10/2021 08:46

What do you mean by “feeling down” is he actually off with depression?

sageandbasil · 28/10/2021 08:48

There's a couple of collections going round atm for people doing retire and return. They are going off for a month and then coming back on a Pt Basis- they're having presents and leaving lunches and I just don't get it!!? Birthdays/weddings/babies I can get on board with but wedding anniversary! No chance

Cascascascas · 28/10/2021 08:52

@GreenApples1977

Talk to HR to stop this

Eleganz · 28/10/2021 08:56

Collections are fine, making them effectively compulsory and telling people they must give a certain amount is not.

RonaKnob · 28/10/2021 09:09

Yes! I'll gladly buy a card for a few pence from card warehouse and let anyone who wants to sign it do so if it's someone I want to celebrate at work. But I have to physically stop people turning it into a collection sometimes because people then feel obligated and lots of us don't earn much and when there's multiple collections in a month it gets too much.

As a rule, I don't give money to people who earn more than me (NHS so we all know what bands we're in). Nor for frivolous 'theyre a bit sad' type reasons'. Only for leavers and babies really as no one celebrates my birthday so why should I fund theirs?

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 28/10/2021 09:09

I agree with you OP. We recently had a whip round as someone's mother died. I wasn't sure that chocolates would actually be welcome at that point (I'd have hated them at that point as it just puts an onus on you to respond when I wanted to just hide away). A card with thoughtful messages is much more meaningful IMHO - plus does not thoughtlessly push the finances of people who have less.

missbunnyrabbit · 28/10/2021 10:07

Oh gosh I conoletely agree. I know I sound awful but I have never once contributed to one of these funds. There's usually one a month, and the office lady knows how much everyone gives in, so I felt like giving under a fiver would be seen as not good enough, but I don't want to pay a fiver a month. It adds up. So I don't give anything. :(

But, I have told people that I never want a collection for me. My birthday is in the easter hols so gets forgotten about anyway.

starrynight87 · 28/10/2021 10:12

I would resent this too.

Also, I am a firm believer in that gifts should go down the chain, not up.

PearlAsylum · 28/10/2021 10:16

We've changed the dreaded Secret Santa to spending the £5 on food bank items instead. Way less stressful (and disappointing).

missbunnyrabbit · 28/10/2021 10:28

@PearlAsylum

We've changed the dreaded Secret Santa to spending the £5 on food bank items instead. Way less stressful (and disappointing).

I love this idea. I'd much rather someone gave to charity that buy me something I don't need.

LittleGwyneth · 28/10/2021 11:22

Cannot agree more. Why on earth can't it just be a card, bought with petty cash, and leave it at that?

SteakExpectations · 28/10/2021 11:29

At my work, we put £10 in a card for birthdays, and everyone gives their fair share towards that (no more than £1). Then when it’s your birthday, you get the tenner so it all works out. It’s just a little something nice.

For anything else, we’ll send a card round but no collections. Cards are paid for out of company petty cash.

Secret Santa, budget is £5. Some people have multiple Secret Santa’s to buy for for different hobby groups, so £5 is quite enough.

MrsClatterbuck · 28/10/2021 11:30

When I was working the only collections were for someone leaving or retiring from the whole department but no pressure to put anything in the envelope. Birthdays were the responsibility of the person whose birthday it was by them bringing in sweets or cake or both for the team. Baby presents were maybe bought by the team. And that was it. Most certainly not for moving house, wedding anniversaries. Anyone on long term sick leave may have got flowers from their team and a card. I was on long term sick leave a few times and don't remember receiving anything apart from a card. Milestone birthdays would have got a bit more recognition from the team they were in.

mrstea301 · 28/10/2021 11:33

We keep it to birthdays only in my office, and we're a tiny office, there were only 5 of us for ages! Just keep it to £5 a time, person gets a card and a wee present.

Matilda15 · 28/10/2021 11:41

This is mad! Where I work we only do collections for big birthdays, wedding or baby. Anything else is a card organized by the line manager. It’s far easier.

RedCarsGoFaster · 28/10/2021 11:44

Ugh, that's ridiculous!

I upset my new team last year by refusing to put £20(!!!) in PER BIRTHDAY for the team of 20.... Not only were there 4 birthdays in one month, but I don't even spend £20 on my mates each year.

The lady organising it pouted and said I should think of it as a savings account as I'd get the money back on my bday?!

Nutter.

TotallySuper · 28/10/2021 11:46

I used to work in a place where I covered multiple locations I.e every day I could be in a different office. Each office had around 20 staff. After a very short time I realised I was making myself totally skint every month adding to these various collections. In the end I had to opt out of it all and therefore opted out of people collecting for my birthday etc which i was fine with. Saved me a bloody fortune and once I explained why I'd opted out everyone understood and agreed with me.

Lalastepmum · 28/10/2021 11:48

When i worked in a school, we would give a token amount each academic year to go in any collections for that year.
TAs were generally better at paying than teachers I found on collections prior to this.

Bit like yourself we had a disparity in wages among staff

Standstheclockattentothree · 28/10/2021 11:49

I've managed to get this stopped in most places I've worked. It's just not fair on lower paid colleagues.

For birthdays this is what I implemented: everyone got allocated another person and they just had to sort a cake - bought, homemade, whatever, on their birthday, and buy the card. That was it. Worked really well and was a small cost once a year.

Echofallen · 28/10/2021 11:57

I've stopped doing this completely becauseit was getting out of hand. Our company gives a gift card for significant occasions like weddings and new babies which is great. But there was also the occasional birthday collection going around certain groups of popular people. I just decided to stop, it should be entirely voluntary.

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 28/10/2021 12:01

That’s ridiculous. It would drive me mad.

marilynmason · 28/10/2021 12:06

If it’s a big birthday or someone leaving, going on maternity then fine

even at that, I think no anymore. I recall a clique at my last job I would chat to but was not in their circle asked me to donate a tenner to a girl that was leaving. I knew the girl but we weren't close. I felt I had to and thought a tenner each was extortionate especially as I wasn't close to her.
Anyway a year later I left and the clique bought me fcuk all.

KatherineJaneway · 28/10/2021 12:08

At my old workplace they sent a message out to stop this as people were feeling pressured to give when they didn't want to. I used to have to pretend to grab some change and pop it in the envelope as someone stood over use and waited for us to add our contribution.

marilynmason · 28/10/2021 12:10

We recently had a whip round as someone's mother died. I wasn't sure that chocolates would actually be welcome at that point

eh for a death any present other than a card would be inappropriate. Giving chocolates or any gift to somebody for a death is just bonkers.

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