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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was he being controlling?

51 replies

winterforming · 27/10/2021 12:51

I'm aware I may be being sensitive and reading into this too much. Have name changed too.

The first message I woke up to from my DP was "good morning, whatever happened to the necklace my mum bought you for your birthday?"

I told him I still had it but that I don't wear jewellery. I said I would dig it out and send him a photo.

(I don't wear jewellery, I'll wear earrings for an occasion but that's it. I wear nothing else, ever.)

He said "I'd like you to wear it please" I asked why and he said "it would make me and my mum happy". I got a little irritated by him telling me to wear it, it just seemed little bossy. I moved the conversation on as I don't like being told by him what to do.

I sent him a photo of the necklace and he said "put it on please" (baring in mind I am busy WFH today) I responded to the other messages he sent but not that. He then asked me to show me him wearing it.

I asked him what the sudden deal with the necklace was, he said "I want you to wear it" and that it will make him happy. He said he didn't know why I was fighting it so much. And said "if you don't want to wear it, don't." Then said "it's turning something nice into me feeling weird for asking".

I then said I don't think we should text and should wait until our nightly phone calls because he seems to be so irritable over text and start arguments more. I said that it is draining. We are now arguing because he's upset I've said this. And said not to phone him if he's so annoying and draining.

AIBU? I'm prepared to be told I am, but I'm just so frustrated with him at the moment.

OP posts:
Reptar · 27/10/2021 12:53

WTAF. That's an awful way to talk to someone, let alone as the first message of the day.
You shouldn't have to send him a photo, your word should be enough.

Do you remember when he started causing you to walk on eggshells?

ToastCrumbsOnAPlate · 27/10/2021 12:53

That does seem odd and controlling , you're not wrong op. Is he like this in general or just about this necklace?

SweetMaryHell · 27/10/2021 12:54

YANBU - he doesn’t get to tell you what to wear. He sounds really irritating

Shoxfordian · 27/10/2021 12:56

Yanbu

He shouldn’t be telling you what to wear

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 27/10/2021 12:56

Wtf. Definitely controlling and bizarre.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/10/2021 12:58

Yes he was. Totally inappropriate, weird and controlling.. yuck

DPotter · 27/10/2021 12:59

This is just plain weird.

BrimfulOfBaba · 27/10/2021 13:05

He's being controlling and is showing signs of being a mummy's boy to boot. The way I read the texts, he was ordering, not asking (adding 'please' doesn't make it less of a demand). If he can't see or admit that I'd be wary.

Afflecksbungalow · 27/10/2021 13:08

Sounds like his mums pestering him about it. Weird of him to carry it on so far though

zanzaa · 27/10/2021 13:10

Maybe his mum has been going on about it to him, so he just wanted to send her a photo - “She says thanks for the necklace...”

My mum is like this. If she’s bought you something as a gift, she goes on and on about it for years..,,

Cuntness · 27/10/2021 13:11

Sell the necklace.

Original poster
winterforming · 27/10/2021 13:12

The necklace was bought over a year ago, we separated for a period of time and since we've been back together, his parents didn't know. He's only just told them.

Sorry, I really should've added that!

OP posts:
Original poster
winterforming · 27/10/2021 13:12

His mum also really isn't the type to hound him, or anyone, about something like that. She isn't pushy at all

OP posts:
zanzaa · 27/10/2021 13:14

Well maybe he thinks you sold it while you were separated?

Original poster
winterforming · 27/10/2021 13:16

zanzaa

But he didn't just ask me once. He brought it up over and over, even after I'd sent a photo of it. And told me to wear it more than once.

OP posts:
Original poster
winterforming · 27/10/2021 13:17

I also stayed in good contact with his parents and would occasionally go to their home for dinner. I used to live with them and we were close. We also still exchanged birthday and Christmas presents. So he knows I wouldn't sell it

OP posts:
ToastCrumbsOnAPlate · 27/10/2021 13:17

I'm beginning to wonder why you got back with him op. He sounds suffocating.

askingforafriend86 · 27/10/2021 13:20

Bizarre is this a new behaviour?

zanzaa · 27/10/2021 13:21

Maybe he (or his mum) now want to buy you the bracelet to match? Grin So they’re checking if you liked the necklace enough to wear it?

It does sound a bit odd OP. But it’s only a necklace, I suppose. Was it very expensive or something?

Original poster
winterforming · 27/10/2021 13:22

is this a new behaviour?

He's never been controlling, but can be "bossy".

OP posts:
Original poster
winterforming · 27/10/2021 13:23

*Maybe he (or his mum) now want to buy you the bracelet to match? So they’re checking if you liked the necklace enough to wear it?

It does sound a bit odd OP. But it’s only a necklace, I suppose. Was it very expensive or something?*

Maybe!

It isn't an expensive necklace, no. Less than £50.

OP posts:
askingforafriend86 · 27/10/2021 13:26

Bossy… it’s not sounding good to me. Unless he is an absolutely amazing partner I’d be reconsidering the future to be honest.
I don’t wear jewellery and get pissed off when we’ll meaning family get me something I then feel I have to remember to wear Grin Dh knows me better and knows not to bother with jewellery seems weird your dh is trying to make you wear a necklace while you wfh I could almost get it if you were going out with his family but this scenario is weird

Triffid1 · 27/10/2021 13:45

That was all v odd. I could sort of understand if he wanted you to wear it at some point eg, "I'd really love it if you wore it at some point as it would mean a lot to me". Having said that, I still wouldn't like it, I just would find that less weird and controlling.

At the end of the day, if you buy someone a gift and it's not something they would ever wear, it's not on them to wear it just to please you. In this case, x 1000 seeing as he wasn't even the person who purchased the gift.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 27/10/2021 14:05

There must have been a reason you separated from this wanker previously.

And bossy? I'd call my DD a little bit bossy sometimes. Bossy in a grown man = controlling.

Chloemol · 27/10/2021 14:10

Hand the necklace to him, tell him he can wear it if he wishes and dump him

Yes he is weird and controlling