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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ignore ‘What are you reading?’

79 replies

EmJay19 · 26/10/2021 22:13

Well I’m not bloody reading if I’m talking to you am I!

Over the last week been asked by:

A work colleague. I’d barely read two lines.
My husband when he got bored scrolling on his phone during a train journey
A salesman in a posh clothes shop while DH tried on clothes
Pretty sure there was one more…

YABU to want 5 mins peace and quiet and not to want to stop reading to discuss what you’ve just stopped reading
YANBU reading a book clearly means don’t talk to me and piss the piss off

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 27/10/2021 08:36

This is par for the course when you're reading (or doing anything, actually) in a public place. Just say it's nothing very interesting, and carry on. They're not interested in the book, but some people can't blank others even if it's clear they're preoccupied.

MeanWeedratStew · 27/10/2021 08:38

Being out in public does not mean that you owe a chat to anyone who wants one. Their desire for a chat does not automatically overrule your wish to not chat, whether you are reading or not.

Reading in public is a pretty good indication that someone doesn't want to chat. People who want s conversation should find a like-minded soul rather than trying to force a reader to disengage from the world of their book. No matter how "friendly" these chatty types think they are, the reader is silently hating them and wanting to get back into their book.

This is why I love London. Haven't been there in years, but I loved how people respect each other's personal bubbles there.

Dojacatpaws · 27/10/2021 08:40

I love reading but wouldn't call it a 'hobby' as such, and would be happy to talk about the book I'm reading cos books are interesting to talk about. Incidentally, are we allowed to 'interrupt' someone looking at a phone, magazine or newspaper, or is it just books that have this elevated status?

FlippinFedUp21 · 27/10/2021 08:42

It's the height of rudeness to interrupt someone who is reading. Same with someone who is listening to music with headphones. That person is clearly unavailable for conversation. If it's an emergency then fair enough but otherwise I wouldn't dream of trying to start up a conversation.

Itstheprinciple · 27/10/2021 08:42

I can't stand it when someone asks me about a book I'm reading. It's like an invasion of my private space.

hotmeatymilk · 27/10/2021 08:45

Incidentally, are we allowed to 'interrupt' someone looking at a phone, magazine or newspaper, or is it just books that have this elevated status?
No, you’re not. Why do you need to interrupt anyone who’s minding their own business? Unless they’re about to step in dog poo, back off.

Dojacatpaws · 27/10/2021 08:47

Hotmeaty, on a train? in a queue? there are plenty of times when strangers strike up small talk

LadyCleathStuart · 27/10/2021 08:47

I love reading, always have a book on the go but my god some people are such wankers when it comes to reading and think it gives them some sore of superiority.

Invasion of private space? Even if you are in the middle of a clothes shop? Peak wankery achieved.

LadyCleathStuart · 27/10/2021 08:47

*sort

Dojacatpaws · 27/10/2021 08:48

Hotmeat, you probably would step in dog poo if you are reading and walking at the same time

Kanaloa · 27/10/2021 08:53

@hotmeatymilk

Incidentally, are we allowed to 'interrupt' someone looking at a phone, magazine or newspaper, or is it just books that have this elevated status? No, you’re not. Why do you need to interrupt anyone who’s minding their own business? Unless they’re about to step in dog poo, back off.
Well if you’re minding your own business in the middle of someone else’s business…

Honestly have you ever worked retail? Would you stand behind the counter of a clothing shop looking affectionately at the woman who is standing aimlessly in the store deep in a good book? No. You go over and strike up conversation and presume if she wants to be left alone she wouldn’t be standing in your shop. And if she says she’s just waiting for someone, then you’ve satisfied that she isn’t a loiterer and will ignore her.

Sirzy · 27/10/2021 08:54

@LadyCleathStuart

I love reading, always have a book on the go but my god some people are such wankers when it comes to reading and think it gives them some sore of superiority.

Invasion of private space? Even if you are in the middle of a clothes shop? Peak wankery achieved.

As a fellow avid reader I fully agree with you!
Kanaloa · 27/10/2021 08:55

@LadyCleathStuart

I love reading, always have a book on the go but my god some people are such wankers when it comes to reading and think it gives them some sore of superiority.

Invasion of private space? Even if you are in the middle of a clothes shop? Peak wankery achieved.

You know it would be such a different thread if someone was posting on Instagram and a shop owner approached to ask what they’re doing/if they need help.
LubaLuca · 27/10/2021 08:56

@Itstheprinciple

I can't stand it when someone asks me about a book I'm reading. It's like an invasion of my private space.
If reading is really that sacred and private an activity to you, don't do it where you will be observed and interrupted. Keep it for at home where you are actually in your private space.

I don't care if someone asks if it's a good book, or tells me they've read it - it's something that doing a very popular activity in front of other people will invite.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 27/10/2021 08:59

It’s annoying. And being asked what you’re listening to when wearing headphones. I’m not looking to engage, people, I just want 10 minutes to do my own thing.
It’s usually men (in my experience) that ask and they go one to tell you what they’re/you should be reading or listening to instead.

TheAntiGardener · 27/10/2021 09:20

Of course it’s annoying. I wouldn’t ‘strike up conversation’ with someone reading, listening to music, watching something on a tablet or whatever. Striking up conversation with strangers is something you do when there’s nothing else going on, not when their attention is elsewhere. We don’t have rights to people’s time because they’re in public .

It might be a bit weird in a clothes shop and I can see why a salesperson would interrupt there, but not on your break at work or on a train. These are pretty standard reading opportunities, but not if people interrupt.

MeanWeedratStew · 27/10/2021 09:22

@SillyLittleBiscuit

Yep, in my youth, I found they either wanted to mansplain reading to me, or they were like Gaston in Beauty and the Beast: "It isn't right for a woman to read! Soon she starts getting ideas, and... thinking..?"

EishetChayil · 27/10/2021 09:23

If anyone asks me what I'm reading, they'll regret it. I can talk about books in punishing detail until the cows come home.

RollaCola84 · 27/10/2021 09:25

Oh fuck off with the "they're just being friendly" nonsense. Men demanding a woman's attention because what they want is more important than whatever the woman might be doing pisses me right off, and if you're anything otherwise than incredibly flattered by their attention you get the "well I only wanted a chat love".

I recommend the answer to what are you reading is "a book", and don't engage further. I also offer a response I have used several times to the question "what are you doing".... I'm minding my own business, what are you doing ?

TheAntiGardener · 27/10/2021 09:28

I’m happy to be interrupted if the person really has something to say, though. Years ago, when I was a student, I was on a train reading something in the language I was studying and a man interrupted to ask if I was from that country. He had lived there for work and studied the language, and we ended up having a really nice chat about it. He was genuinely pleased to meet someone to talk to about it. I have a lot less time for inane ‘what are you reading?’ questions though.

Original poster
EmJay19 · 27/10/2021 09:38

Ha ha these comments!!

To answer questions:

What I’m reading (just finished) is a completely mediocre novel that is barely comment worthy but thought I’d see it through. That’s probably one of the reasons why I don’t really want to discuss it, not a lot to say

Why make a point about being in a ‘posh’ clothes shop?
Take your point definitely. Think I probably added the detail to set the scene, quiet shop with a comfy chair I was sitting in while DH tried a couple of suits he’s trying to decide between a million times!!

This is meant to be lighthearted and I do like chatting to people a lot but if I’ve just 20 seconds earlier opened a book and started to read, gimme a chance…

OP posts:
LittleMysSister · 27/10/2021 09:40

I don't mind answering this when someone asks, I had another reading issue with my DP though!

He's not a reader so I think he just thinks I turn to reading out of boredom or just while waiting for him to finish doing something else. So anytime I pick up a book I get about 10 minutes before he goes "OK I'm done, shall we watch something? I can put on a film?" etc etc

Just let me reeeeeeeeead.

Luckily I did explain to him after it became a bit of a pattern that I actually enjoy reading so he's taken it on board and doesn't do this now!

oviraptor21 · 27/10/2021 09:45

Has it occurred to you that they'd genuinely like to know? Would that make a difference to you?

Sometimes I see someone reading something which looks interesting but I can't see what it is. Depending on the situation I mostly bite my tongue but I don't think it would be wholly unreasonable to ask.

Babdoc · 27/10/2021 09:49

Perhaps the staff member didn’t know you were with DH, and thought you were a CF using their shop as a reading room?! Their comment might have been barbed with the subtext “Wtf are you doing in my shop, you obv aren’t buying anything?”

hotmeatymilk · 27/10/2021 09:49

Honestly have you ever worked retail?
Yes.
Would you stand behind the counter of a clothing shop looking affectionately at the woman who is standing aimlessly in the store deep in a good book?
I never looked at any customer affectionately, they’re a necessary affliction to the trade. But why on earth would I approach anyone who’s reading a book, just to interrupt them?

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