To not want to freeze my eggs?

[Goodvibes12]

I'm 35 (nearly 36) and have just got out of a horrible relationship. I'm enjoying being free of it and single again but worried about the future. I feel really ambivalent about children, and swing between really wanting them to feeling pretty OK or even happy about the idea of not having them.

Lots of my single friends of similar ages are thinking about freezing their eggs. I hate the idea: the expense, the low chances of success, the indignity of basically having to go through the first stage of IVF alone and without the hope of it leading to a baby at least until I meet someone that I would like to have children with. I am in a position where I could quite easily save up to afford it, but feel that it could quite easily end up being a massive waste of money.

My feeling now is that I want to start dating again when I'm ready, enjoy my life and my freedom again after my last bad experience and not give egg freezing another thought, letting life just take its course and basing my decision on being in the right relationship at the right time.

But I'm concerned that I will regret it, that not having children might be fine now but when I'm 40 I will see that I've made a huge mistake and missed the boat, and will kick myself for not having frozen when I have the chance.

This is all complicated by the fact that I don't understand why I don't have a stronger desire for children - I seem to be the odd one out in that respect, even though I do have some friends who are firmly in the childfree by choice camp. I feel a bit like there is something wrong with me and worry that I will one day "see the light" like everyone else, but only when it's too late.

Any thoughts welcome!

I’ve got 53 eggs in the freezer - done while I was going through a period of health issues for some years - and I can’t tell you how much pressure it has taken off me. My health issues are now
Resolved and I now have a not guaranteed but quite feasible possibility of pregnancy in my mid late 40s. This is not what I wanted in terms of age - but that is how my life went. Still might not work out but I’ve given myself the best chance I could.

The process itself I found totally manageable and obviously I did a few rounds. Cost me a bucket load but drop in the ocean of cost of a child over a lifetime.

[quote SleepingBunnies21]@palavah

"If it's easy then I'll feel i made the right decision. If it's difficult /impossible (including having a 2nd child, as i will likely be 43/44)"

Your statement above made me wonder if you were well aware of the issues re fertility. "Discussing" ttc suggested a lack of urgency.

My post was meant in good faith; if I didn't want to help.someone I simply wouldn't have bothered posting

There is no need for the sarcasm and antagonism.[/quote]
I repeat: I know how old I am, I know the implications of my age, and yes I am pissed off that you are being so patronising in your second reply to me as well as your first. You don't know my situation and why I'm not frantically procreating this minute.

My post said I had been for a fertility MOT so why on earth would I not be aware of fertility declining with age?

And if you'd seen my reply to the second patronising poster why did you feel the need to double-down? Leave me alone.

Statistically I understand that I have a 97% chance of having one child and 75% chance of two. Obviously that’s not guaranteed and there are different studies with different results. But the technology now is amazing….

@Cocomarine thank you. I do have one child, born through ICSI (and he's the best child in the world, I struck lucky after all the heartache!). Thank you for your very reasonable response, and for your good wishes too

Many people want children and a partner, others want just one of the two or even none. All of the options are more than okay!

The tricky thing is to make a decision, for which I believe you need time and help. For me, a few therapy sessions helped, and a few self help books.

I'm here if you want to talk about it x

You say you can easily save to afford it

So I would say do the ivf and freeze eggs

Gives you options in a few years time

Yes embryos defrost better then eggs so you could use donor sperm

Or just freeze eggs

As someone said earlier, fets are given better % then fresh

often clinics will know freeze cycle and give body a rest and then fet following month

Or how do you feel about donor eggs if got to say 42 and body clock ticks

Took 5 ivf , using 9 embryos to get my one and only bfp

You're having an imaginary argument with someone who wants you to freeze your eggs. This has escalated to the point where you're asking strangers on the internet if you're being unreasonable not to do it, as if this was genuinely a thing that anyone might think the reasonable person had to do.

You're having the conversation with yourself. No one else cares or knows if you should freeze your eggs. You don't want to, fine. No one is making you.

And now other posters are telling you to do it! So you can say no I don't want to and feel you are making your mind up in the face of adversity when in fact the voice suggesting you might regret freezing your eggs is your own which is much harder to acknowledge and argue with.

The games we play.