Has anyone never felt a pang of jealousy, ever?

[Romantique]

Over their partner and other women. I do occasionally get pangs when he talks about coworkers and compliments them, or when he’s texting a female friend and asking to meet up, or comments on an attractive woman, or talks about an ex.

I don’t ever tell him not to do or speak to x person etc. But I do get these feelings inside and I’d say every several months I might share how I feel with him.

I feel horrible for it even though I trust him, it doesn’t happen often but I feel like some sort of psycho after.

I’m probably being too hard on myself. Once I know the friend or the person I stop caring whatsoever and he always invites me along so there’s no problem.

Is there anyone on here who has never felt the slightest bit of jealousy and is 100% secure in themselves.

I don’t feel like this every time, I’d say every so often

Honestly, no. I never have in all the years we've been together. He's never done or said anything to make me feel insecure, and I guess I'm fairly confident in my own skin anyway.

Remember, he's with you because he wants to be.

I admire you, I wish I could be that way.
You’re right, he is. I know I am a nice person and have stuff going for me, but I always think never say never, people can have their head turned and decide someone is a better fit for them, it’s happened to me a few times in the past.

I meant it’s happened to me that the men have met someone else whilst being with me*

No, I can’t say I do to be honest. He’s with me, the end. He doesn’t really ‘clock’ people though, I don’t think he would notice if Angelina Jolie walked in a bar naked…. Until I pointed it out. I think it’s normal to find other people attractive, I wouldn’t like him gawping at another woman though.

DH can get a little insecure (for want if words), if I receive attention when we are out. Not in an angry or possessive way, but he will comment on it if it happens. He never strops about it and we never argue, it’s more of an observation and he will make a joke about it.
Men do gawp more than women (in my opinion!)

No me either, not with my husband. It’s just not the way I’m programmed. I don’t see the point - either he’ll cheat or he won’t but my being jealous will have zero to do with it.

I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want me completely so if I felt he liked someone else seriously then it would be done.

He’s the same and we’ve been together 16 years.

I wish I could be 100% relaxed.
I think it’s just as I saw him texting this colleague a lot lately, they haven’t worked together that long and I’m sure it’s just platonic but I do get occasional feelings, though there’s nothing I can do about it

I agree that being jealous or not won’t have any impact.
I have been cheated on before, I used to believe in karma and all that but I think most people don’t give a stuff anymore, your friends will say “he’s a dick”, but mostly nothing will happen and he’ll just move on happily with the new person

“or when he’s texting a female friend and asking to meet up, or comments on an attractive woman, or talks about an ex.”

Yanbu. Maybe I’m in the mn minority but I have no past bf (married now) that did either of these things, commenting on attractive women is out of line really.

Like I may think it but I wouldn’t gush over another man in front of him. I just think it’s disrespectful

I do occasionally get pangs when he talks about coworkers and compliments them, or when he’s texting a female friend and asking to meet up, or comments on an attractive woman, or talks about an ex.

My husband has never done any of these things, I wouldn’t accept it if he did. And not because I’d be jealous. There’s a difference between feeling jealous and feeling disrespected.

OP, if your DH does comment on other women, then perhaps comment on other men. See how he likes it.

Nope , never felt a pang of jealousy at all . My wife is gorgeous and has a very fanciable personality (in my opinion) but I totally trust her . I think it’s to do with confidence in your relationship and also how your partner behaves towards others . There have been a few times when we’ve been out together (when we were younger ) when someone has flirted with one of us , but we tended to have a giggle together about it .

Agree that if your partner does nothing to make you jealous then you’re much less likely to be.

I think it’s just as by circumstances I don’t have any male friends anymore, all of my colleagues are women (work in care) and I did have a couple of male friends but they either moved away or just don’t bother replying to messages lol so yeah.. I have 1/2 I might speak to once a year but that’s it

Pressed send too early, and it’s just not really in my nature to talk about other men as in talk about them being attractive, it’s just not something I’d do.

When I was madly in love with my dp I got occasional pangs of jealousy if I thought he looked too long at someone I considered attractive.
Now that I can barely stand him I no longer get these pangs. The only pang I get is disappointment that he hasn't ran off with her.

Feeling secure in yourself and feeling jealous are not mutually exclusive. They are sometimes linked, but by no means always. Sometimes what we perceive as jealousy is a normal response to alert us to a situation where we are not being treated properly or getting what we are entitled to; or are under genuine threat of losing something. In your case, I don't think your partner is giving you the respect you are entitled to by commenting on the attractiveness of other women to you for example. Calling someone jealous can also be an excellent way to manipulate someone into relaxing their boundaries around what they find acceptable in a relationship.

I’d get pangs of jealousy from all the things you listed OP. I don’t think my DH would say another woman is attractive unless I asked him if he thinks she is.

@MiddleParking

I do occasionally get pangs when he talks about coworkers and compliments them, or when he’s texting a female friend and asking to meet up, or comments on an attractive woman, or talks about an ex.

My husband has never done any of these things, I wouldn’t accept it if he did. And not because I’d be jealous. There’s a difference between feeling jealous and feeling disrespected.

You wouldn't tolerate your husband having female friends?!

I think if I were asked I’d say yeah he’s handsome etc I wouldn’t say yeah he’s gorgeous/hot etc I just think it’s disrespectful

I'm single now ( and intend to remain so forever 😄 ) but none of my significant ex's ever talked about other women being attractive or talked about their own Ex's in the way I think you mean?🤔 ( We went here/did this/saw that etc )
They just didn't. As far as they were concerned, it was in their past and they very rarely referred to it. I think YANBU.

You wouldn't do it, so of course you think it's a little unnerving when you partner does it.

You wouldn't tolerate your husband having female friends?!

I skimmed that one to be honest as the other three things listed were so far outwith what I’d consider acceptable. But it would depend on the context as to whether I’d be okay with him ‘texting a female friend asking to meet up’. It sounds like the context for OP is that her boyfriend is a disrespectful letch who goes out his way to make her jealous, so I wouldn’t be okay with him having “female friends” if I were her, no.

Interesting how the pole doesn’t fit the responses by a long shot.

Jealousy is a normal human emotion, and it’s important to differentiate between jealousy and insecurity.

E.g. if a woman is constantly coming on to your husband for instance, or he’s spending a lot of time with a female friend/co worker and is mentioning her regularly it would be perfectly natural to be a bit jealous of that without it needing to lean towards thinking he’s going to leave you for her.

And you can apply jealousy to so many other situations. E.g. when the baby settles for daddy and not you. When the kids like granny’s cooking better than yours. When two friends are going out and you’ve not been invited.

It doesn’t mean you’re a lesser person or that you’re insecurely thinking the kids don’t love you or that you don’t have friends. It simply means that sometimes you would like to be in that position and if you’re not you may get a pang of “but why/I wish it was me.”

My eXH used to tell me regularly what a good shag his ex was. He even mentioned it in front of some friends once, until the woman told him he was an arsehole. I wasn’t jealous of her sexual abilities, neither did I wish I could live up to them. I just thought that he clearly had no respect for me and that I clearly wasn’t what he wanted…

I get jealous all the time about my dh’s ex wife. They divorced 25 years ago! I never vocalise it, but I always feel jealous that he loved her/married her, and she is very beautiful. Sometimes it really upsets me and I don’t know why I torture myself when dh and I have been totally happily married for nearly 20 years.

Couldn't you have put the full question in the thread title?