Has anyone never felt a pang of jealousy, ever?

[Romantique]

Over their partner and other women. I do occasionally get pangs when he talks about coworkers and compliments them, or when he’s texting a female friend and asking to meet up, or comments on an attractive woman, or talks about an ex.

I don’t ever tell him not to do or speak to x person etc. But I do get these feelings inside and I’d say every several months I might share how I feel with him.

I feel horrible for it even though I trust him, it doesn’t happen often but I feel like some sort of psycho after.

I’m probably being too hard on myself. Once I know the friend or the person I stop caring whatsoever and he always invites me along so there’s no problem.

Is there anyone on here who has never felt the slightest bit of jealousy and is 100% secure in themselves.

I think it’s completely normal to comment on other people, you are both human and are going to find other people attractive but you choose to be together. I get pangs of jealousy occasionally yes, but as long as I trust the person I’m with, all good.

No, never.

My husband is someone that has remained good friends with about 50% of his ex-girlfriends and it has never bothered me a bit - we have been away on holiday with one of them.

He has never given me any cause to feel jealous or insecure, but I have never been that way inclined anyway.

Yeah I did. It was just after we got married. This was 21 years ago. It wasn't so much a pang but a visceral reaction. I hated her on sight and knew she was not what she portrayed. This woman was employed within my family. My Mum felt the same about her.

So here we are 21 years later and my husband is marrying her. So my pang was pretty accurate.

My DP sleeps at his ex wife's house every other weekend - no jealousy at all.

DP likes his last ex's picture on FB and I have a pang of jealousy. Then laugh at myself for being stupid and move on.

It's ridiculous to feel jealous. Firstly they are with you and secondly being jealous doesn't solve anything. End of the day someone will cheat or not. Worrying about it won't stop it from happening.

No, never. I suppose, like others say, I'm confident in myself and that he's chosen to be with me.

I have developed a friendship with an ex of his, since he met me. She's a nice person, they split on good terms and there was a shared dog involved.

A couple of my friends have admitted that that would never happen in their 'world' so I suppose it totally depends on the kind of person you are.

I can't be jealous about something I have that someone else doesn't.

I suppose it depends on the break up. If one person is still pining for the relationship and hopes they’ll get back together then it would be strange, if it was a mutual break up and no feelings anymore then that’s different, it’s nice if you can stay on good terms

Honestly how would people feel if their partner described a female colleague as ‘gorgeous’ or equivalent. Even if you know they chose to be with you

I'm interested in this thread. I'm quite a secure person in many ways. Im quite resilient, had a loving upbringing, great family, I used to get a lot of attention when younger so considered attractive, and generally think fairly positively about myself, but oh my god was I jealous!!!
And even now I probably still would be if a situation arose, but it doesn't anymore really.

I used to be jealous of my boyfriend even looking at someone. I couldn't watch ANY films with him as I'd think he fancied the actresses. I couldn't handle him looking at magazines or having female friends. It wasn't about fear either as he can't cheat with a Hollywood actress
I'd love to understand it. Over time it faded and now I think I'm relatively normal in that respect but my husband would never risk calling someone gorgeous in front of me after what I used to be like. I'd love to have that inner confidence where jealousy doesn't arise and Id like to fully understand where mine came/comes from.

@Romantique

Honestly how would people feel if their partner described a female colleague as ‘gorgeous’ or equivalent. Even if you know they chose to be with you

Yeah, I do think that’s weird and unnecessary. Can’t imagine saying that to DH, or he saying similar to me.

If I worked with men maybe it would be different but I don’t have a single male colleague, and I don’t really get a lot of free time anymore to meet new people etc. Whereas my partner works with and goes out often with colleagues.

@Merryoldgoat

No me either, not with my husband. It’s just not the way I’m programmed. I don’t see the point - either he’ll cheat or he won’t but my being jealous will have zero to do with it.

I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want me completely so if I felt he liked someone else seriously then it would be done.

He’s the same and we’ve been together 16 years.

This is how I feel too. I think alot of it has to do with the fact that we’ve been together for 17yrs. We’re just very very comfortable.

In fact, we’ve both just started to explore bringing others in to our relationship for a bit of fun. He’s been flirting with a couple of women and it’s not bothered me in the slightest… it’s quite exciting actually

I came on to post that I'd had the most awful pangs of jealousy, but then saw it was about DPs or DH's. So no, never over DH. My awful pang was when I was skint and LONGED for a convertible car with an aching heart and my bloody younger colleague got bought one by her rich dad for her birthday!!!

We’ve only been together 1.5 years so it might fade with time. I’m mostly not bothered and once I know it’s just a friend and he introduces me etc. Then I completely stop caring.

I still think never say never, I know several people who have cheated and as I said have been cheated on before, but I know ultimately I can’t stop someone cheating

Me! I have a massively over-blown sense of my own self-importance/self-esteem...

Honestly, I am incredibly comfortable in myself and my OH is with me because he wants to be, and if he wasn't, then he wouldn't be.

I genuinely don't understand the strife, but I appreciate I'm a bit of an outlier here.

I remember seeing a security guard a few weeks back and I thought to myself wow he’s really good looking.. but I have absolutely zero intention of doing anything and so I imagine it’s just the same for him

Honestly how would people feel if their partner described a female colleague as ‘gorgeous’ or equivalent. Even if you know they chose to be with you

Mine wouldn't say that to me. I mean I think the actor Ben Alridge is gorgeous, but I'd never say it to my boyfriend, let alone someone that we know in real life.

Yeah I agree there is a difference between acknowledging someone is attractive and going out of your way to state that someone is

I remember a few weeks ago he told me himself and this female colleague of his liked pretty much all of the same books and I was a bit jealous inside, but I recognised after it was stupid

I did at one point and it was me being an actual loon tbh. My dad cheated on my mum and my brother cheated on his wife and left her and his tiny kids for the OW. These were the men I knew best and had most respect for. It made me a bit...weird for a short time. I got jealous over this random girl at dh work.

Now, it isn't the fact that I think dh would never cheat. I think that's not really something I can ever believe. I've just accepted that I can't control his interactions with other women and if I do I am a dick. So why even entertain it? I'm fairly relaxed about it. If he did cheat, I'd clearly be annoyed, but I know I would get over it.

Genuinely no. Even when I knew my husband found someone attractive, as in I could see how he reacted to someone he fancied her, I just found it a bit bemusing and comical. I tend to roll my eyes.

I don’t think he really does either, he has seen me being chatted up, from some bloke who doesn’t realise I’m with him Ie when out with friends, he just ignores it to be honest.

Jealousy really doesn’t figure in our relationship at all and never has.

For me there’s a huge difference between my partner commenting on an actress/celebrity being attractive and someone he is good friends/works closely with. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest if he thinks an actress is good looking, why would it? I find it odd when people say they wouldn’t comment on something like that to their partner because it’s something I wouldn’t think twice about saying.
However if he was coming home from work and constantly talking about a woman he worked with being gorgeous then I would definitely feel a bit funny about it.
I’m in a monogamous relationship and enjoy being in one but I think to spend a lifetime never finding other people attractive is completely unrealistic, however uncomfortable that makes us sometimes.

With my DH of almost 9 years, never. He has female friends who he knew from before he met me, who I am now friends with too. Most of his colleagues are female, and he has a good working relationship with them. Indeed, because I happen to like women as well as men, whilst we're out, I might say to him: "Ooh, I think that lady in the black overcoat at the bar is quite attractive" And he might say "You're not the only one!" Conversely, he might spot a man who he knows is probably my "type," and say to me: "I'll bet you like that dashing chap over there!"

With non-romantic relationships, yes I get jealous. I know that I shouldn't; it's not an attractive trait in a friend. I must say that it stings a little bit if a friend either gets a new friend or a romantic relationship. I (completely unconsciously) think: "Oh. Well you won't want to be friends with me any more, then." I've just always had a hard time trying to build up friendships. I don't have many good friends. I never had a hen night because I had no female friends to invite. I never had bridesmaids, either. There was no one. It is a different type of jealousy; but, like yours OP, it stems from my past. In my case, my childhood and teen years. People putting me down, moving on and forgetting me etc. I do understand, to a degree at least, where you are coming from.

No, he has never made me feel jealous at all. He never mentions colleagues much and they are mostly blokes as he is in a specialist area of IT which doesn't have a lot of women. I trust him completely.

Not with DH. He's the most straight down the middle, honest person I've ever met. (To the point that many people just can't deal with his frankness tbh.) I don't believe he has it in him to be deceitful.

Previous partners, yes. Definitely. But some of them were total bastards, so any insecurity I may have felt there was probably justified....

Is jealousy not a normal human emotion now? We feel it, rationalise it and move on... must have missed the Mumsnet memo