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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Repeatedly pocket dialled by ex-boss - really?

35 replies

Glitterspy · 25/10/2021 13:30

Not sure if I’m imagining things or BU so after some experience/opinions please.

I worked for a small/medium company for several years, finishing late 2019. During that time I had a close working relationship with the MD, a man in his 60s (I am a mum of 2 aged late 30s). At the time I saw him as a mentor and “business dad”, nothing more. He became increasingly “friendly” and after a boozy work lunch one day, he tried to kiss me. I refused and went back to my life.

Since I quit, I have had a series of WhatsApp “pocket dials” from this man. I never answer - I don’t think it’s appropriate for a work contact to call without proper arrangement for one thing. I also have nothing to say to him. No voicemail ever left (surely if it was truly pocket dial you’d hear scuffling/background sounds on a voicemail? Or maybe not if it’s WhatsApp?)

Our last real conversation after I left the company was basically him trying to make me “promise” to “stay friends” with him (!) and me saying no, this is too intense and inappropriate and I don’t appreciate the pressure at all. But the calls continue - often nothing for weeks then two yesterday, two today.

A couple of weeks ago I texted him and asked whether he was actually trying to contact me or whether it was pocket dial. He said no they were pocket dials. However the calls have continued. This morning I texted him again saying I have received more calls and have had no response which is unusual - he would usually have text right back.

AIBU? I feel really unclear and uncomfortable but don’t really know what to do. I wish it would just stop.

OP posts:

notsure55 · 25/10/2021 13:31

Block the number.

User527294627 · 25/10/2021 13:32

Yeah, just block him.

amber763 · 25/10/2021 13:33

You are not being unreasonable and they're not pocket dials. Just block him.

Comedycook · 25/10/2021 13:33

Why don't you block him?

clockover · 25/10/2021 13:34

Blocking the number seems the most simple and logical way to proceed.

DdraigGoch · 25/10/2021 13:36

YABU for not just blocking him from the start.

Original poster

Glitterspy · 25/10/2021 13:37

There is a small chance I could get future freelance work from the company so I haven’t blocked him. It feels pretty rude to block him if it isn’t really nuisance calls - if it really is pocket dials? Am I being too soft?

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 25/10/2021 13:38

Have you remained in contact then?
You say you don’t answer the calls, but you mention that he usually texts straight back.
So it sounds like there is more than the unsolicited phone calls?

Still the same advice: Block!

But the reason I ask is that if you do have contact that you’ve accepted that isn’t the calls - text messaging, possibly? - then I would stop that too. Block completely.

I’m sorry you had that shit of him trying to kiss you. Arsehole.

Treifec · 25/10/2021 13:40

It feels pretty rude to block him if it isn’t really nuisance calls - if it really is pocket dials? Am I being too soft?
You know it's not pocket dials, block him.

SpangoDweller · 25/10/2021 13:40

Do you want to freelance for his company again? I wouldn’t, with that history.

Cocomarine · 25/10/2021 13:40

@Glitterspy

Ah cross posted.

It’s been 2 years - have you had any freelance work?
Would it only come directly from him? (so could you contact another senior manager periodically to tout for business so the contact would naturally come from them?)
Is that possibility worth the price you’re paying now, and would no doubt have to pay if it materialised? I’m thinking not.

Original poster

Glitterspy · 25/10/2021 13:41

Coco marine - thank you. It was shit and it has somewhat ruined my professional confidence tbh.

I have held off blocking because that seems like a total last resort with someone I (used to) know and enjoy working with. I had (as in, several months ago) some contact with him about a freelance project. That sparked the “friends” conversation, so after that I have had no contact with him apart from these calls.

OP posts:

Chloemol · 25/10/2021 13:42

@Glitterspy

Is the small chance of getting work really worth this hassle

And having been through this once with him would you really want to do it again?

Just block

Original poster

Glitterspy · 25/10/2021 13:42

God you guys are so right, of course I wouldn’t want work from that company again, no!

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 25/10/2021 13:42

As for pocket dials… unless you’re called Aaron… why would it be?

I have pocket dialled people in the past. But maybe 3x in my life (and yes, I do put my phone in my pocket not a bag, so high risk!) and those 3 have all been different, and my “last dialled” on that occasion.

You know this isn’t a mistake.

MusingOnStarlight · 25/10/2021 13:43

Why the F would you want freelance work from this creep?!?! The mind boggles

Draggondragon · 25/10/2021 13:44

What a peculiar post. Does his company not use email to issue freelance work? And if he is a perv and you don't like him, don't work with him again. If you qant to speak to him, speak to him. Are we back in year 8?

TreeSmuggler · 25/10/2021 13:45

If it really is pocket dials he wouldn't mind or even know that he is blocked. Because he doesn't know he is calling you so he won't know you didn't get the call, in fact you'd be doing him a favour if his phone is this troublesome.

If the company wants to contact you, wouldn't they do so via your email anyway?

maternitycoat · 25/10/2021 13:45

This is creepy!

Does your name begin with A? Pocket dialling is not impossible but not very common. Especially via WhatsApp. I never ever pocket dial anyone

Iheartbaby · 25/10/2021 13:47

I seem to pocket dial the same person all the time, it’s in my pocket and i don’t understand how I always ring the same person.

Original poster

Glitterspy · 25/10/2021 13:49

Maternity coat - this is exactly what I think. It’s not pocket dials is it. Ok. I’m going to block and put this whole sorry episode behind me.

Dragonanddragon - I guess human emotions are complex and shades of grey rather than black and white. That can make life peculiar. Hope you never have to experience this kind of thing and if you do I hope no one you ask for helps responds by calling your issues peculiar.

OP posts:

WonderfulYou · 25/10/2021 14:03

It’s very hard to say whether it’s pocket disks or not. I have pocket dialled the same person on WhatsApp a few times and it is embarrassing, it also doesn’t ring like a normal call so he may genuinely not know.

I would have thought if he was trying to contact you he’d follow up with a text to say something like ‘sorry didn’t mean to call you. How are you anyway,?’ To try and initiate a conversation but that doesn’t sound like he’s doing that.

But given the history it could easily be him doing it purposely.
I would either just ignore it and not let it bother me or just block him. If he made you feel uncomfortable before then I wouldn’t want to work with him anyway.

Gonnagetgoing · 25/10/2021 14:06

Block the nasty creep.

waltzingparrot · 25/10/2021 14:17

I actually managed to do this but they went to the first person on my contact list. Does your name start with A ?

My Aunty Ann was very understanding

Original poster

Glitterspy · 25/10/2021 14:22

No I’m a middle of the alphabet name - first and surname. That’s why I’m so suspicious. It’s just seems so unlikely to be in error, also as the calls are always via WhatsApp

OP posts:

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