AIBU summer hols gatecrashed

[DeflatedMummy]

I booked a caravan hol for me, hubby and 2 young children (5 & 2) for next year. I have invited both grandmothers along as I have such wonderful memories of similar holidays as a child. My BIL is also coming, he lives with my MIL and my FIL has recently passed so I can understand him wanting to come and feel included in a family trip. I feel this will also be fun for the children to have fun uncle come too.

My mum has a partner, they live separately and are going on 2 other holidays together next year, who has invited himself. I don’t really understand why he’d want to come as it’ll be very kid orientated. His 3 children are grown and he has no grandchildren as of yet although one is pregnant.

We get on mostly, so I don’t really mind but he often doesn’t understand my mum has other commitments other than him - grandchildren, pets, work. He’s works but can pretty much book holidays whenever he wants. He has also invited his 25 year old son along. Again I don’t understand why a 25 year old would want to come. We get on so again I suppose I don’t mind.

However I am worried this is going to turn into a big piss up for the adults and am feeling the holiday is being hijacked a little bit. My mum is already staying with partner in another caravan, makes sense, but she would have otherwise been in with us.

I don’t want to tell anyone they can’t come but I will get upset if they start doing their own thing while we’re away or make my mum split her time. May sound selfish but I want the grandmothers with me, hubby and the kids the whole time. AIBU? If the others want to go off somewhere or come with us, fine but don’t pull the grandmothers away.

We’re only going for 4 nights

I’m a very involved Grandma, regularly have them for 24 hrs at a weekend have them for a few days in the summer holidays to help with child care costs so I’m well used to spending extended times with them quite happily we have also been on multigenerational holidays in holiday apartments but it’s tiring and we do need a bit of separate time. But I still work full time so my annual leave is precious and there is no way at all I would spend a chunk of it with everyone crammed into a caravan. Me and DH would definitely need a separate caravan even though we would happily be together with everyone all day we need some quiet space and a separate loo. We did a boating holiday once with family, so restricted size wise similar to in a caravan, NEVER again.

@Blueberryflavour all fair enough, but I still see that as spending most of your holiday with the people you went with.

I think it was a bit off to invite your DM and not her partner. The current arrangement sounds fine, try and relax and enjoy the holiday rather than try and replicate your childhood holiday.

I have declined holidays with wider family knowing it would be very adult centric, and just not suitable for child - not the venue but the way everyone would approach things.

@DeflatedMummy I was just pointing out the issue of everyone sharing one caravan might be too much even for the most devoted grandma ( grandma and grandad in our case) which you said was the original plan. Maybe if they wanted to be in a separate caravan for space issues it then became a “oh well since we are paying for a separate caravan ourselves then we might as well make full use of it by bring a partner and a grown up son” as you pointed out yourself caravans are not exactly cheap to rent these days. I can totally see how limited leave and finance could lead to this scenario. Would it help if you thought of it as a practical arrangement and good compromise whereby you all get to spend some time together rather than seeing it as a rejection of your plan to spend most of the time together?

And it is perfectly natural to go on holiday with people but not spend every waking hour together

I would think this the norm when sharing a house/caravan with family or friends. People choose what they prefer to do. Some want to go swim. Others don't. Some want to sit and read. Others want to walk up a hill and back. All get together for dinner. Job done. I really need my own space some time in the day, and can't imagine that being possible in a caravan. I'd be tearing my hair out. We got a 6 berth just for me and dh.