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AIBU?

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Original poster

Moving our of parents home. Homesick!

28 replies

Jbs93 · 24/10/2021 20:14

Been living with my dad (in my own connected flat) and my grandad next door for past 4 years. Just moved into my first house on my own and haven’t stopped crying! Miss them so much. To the point I’m considering selling my house and moving back home!

Anyone else felt like this? Will it pass?

OP posts:
MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 24/10/2021 20:17

It is perfectly normal and it will pass! Have you moved far away from them?

Blurp · 24/10/2021 20:21

Are you living alone or do you have a lodger? How far away have you moved? Will you still be seeing your dad and grandad often?

It's always a big change to move house, but enjoy the chance to get to know a new area, maybe do some decorating and enjoy making the place your own.

It's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed when things change, but try to make the most of it and the sadness will pass. Maybe it would help to have a friend staying for a while at least?

Definitely don't sell up and move back!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 24/10/2021 20:21

I felt the same. Although it was almost 20 years ago, I still remember feeling homesick after two weeks. It was a bit like we'd gone on holiday for a fortnight and then I was ready to go home to my own bed! It passed quickly though.

Are you living alone?

Original poster
Jbs93 · 24/10/2021 20:51

Yes just me and my dog! I was super excited when I first decided to move. Now I just can stop crying!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jbs93 · 24/10/2021 20:53

Only 10mins down the road! So not far at all. Just can’t shake the feeling that I’ve done something wrong 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Jbs93 · 24/10/2021 20:56

@Blurp

Are you living alone or do you have a lodger? How far away have you moved? Will you still be seeing your dad and grandad often?

It's always a big change to move house, but enjoy the chance to get to know a new area, maybe do some decorating and enjoy making the place your own.

It's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed when things change, but try to make the most of it and the sadness will pass. Maybe it would help to have a friend staying for a while at least?

Definitely don't sell up and move back!

@Blurp Living by myself with my dog. It’s only 10 mins down the road and I can still see them every day. I can easily pop in on my way home from work or in the evenings. I just get a knot in my stomach and have to fight back the tears every time I’m there because of how much I’m missing them. Then the minute I get in the car to leave I cry all the way home.

Currently been home 3 hours and haven’t stopped crying yet!

I’ve had a couple of friends over this afternoon. But then the minute they left I felt horrible again.

OP posts:
FrownedUpon · 24/10/2021 20:58

You’re 10 minutes away? Sounds like you need to develop your independence. Don’t move back in with them!

ivykaty44 · 24/10/2021 21:02

why did you move and how old are you?

Blurp · 24/10/2021 21:03

I agree with @FrownedUpon... you need to develop your independence. I would suggest not seeing them every day, but concentrate on building your own life for a while.

What age are you? Do you work? Do you have any hobbies - if not, could you take something up?

Original poster
Jbs93 · 24/10/2021 21:05

@FrownedUpon

You’re 10 minutes away? Sounds like you need to develop your independence. Don’t move back in with them!
@FrownedUpon I’ve lived by myself (or with an ex) for the past 8 years. So not sure why moving away this time has hit me so hard.

It’s the ‘missing them’ and only being next door which I’m struggling with. In the evenings I would be in my grandads watching tv with him and my dad. And would go round my dads every morning before I went to work. 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Jbs93 · 24/10/2021 21:07

@ivykaty44
I’m 28. I moved for a few reasons. I wanted somewhere bigger. And it was hard having people over. My family would always ask who it was. And when I went out I’d always get a message asking where I was, or when I would be back.

OP posts:
132orbust · 24/10/2021 21:09

It is hard. I moved country when I graduated from University and went to a new city that I hadn't even visited previously. First graduate job and knew not a person. It was difficult and of course I missed all my friends and family but honestly in 6 months I was fully settled.
I'm guessing you are very young but be proud of your independence and carve your niche.

Original poster
Jbs93 · 24/10/2021 21:10

@Blurp
I feel bad not seeing them everyday as that’s what I’m used to. First night away last night and my grandad rang me early this morning asking if I’m ready to come home yet. I couldnt tell him I hate it already.

I’m 28 and work full time. See my friends a fair bit. They came over today but the minute they left I was back to balling like a baby!

OP posts:
FlorenceWintle · 24/10/2021 21:11

[quote Jbs93]@ivykaty44
I’m 28. I moved for a few reasons. I wanted somewhere bigger. And it was hard having people over. My family would always ask who it was. And when I went out I’d always get a message asking where I was, or when I would be back.[/quote]
Try and remember this. Much as you love and miss them, remind yourself daily of the reasons you moved out.

132orbust · 24/10/2021 21:12

Oh dear - I just saw you are 28 and moved 10 minutes away so ignore my moving country story GrinGrin

LouLou789 · 24/10/2021 21:35

It’s a big change for you. My eldest son was excited to get his first flat with a friend but as soon as he’d moved he came back a lot. I was always happy to see him but did eventually have a chat and suggested he give it a real chance by experiencing independent living properly. I hated doing it but knew it was right and healthy for him to give it a proper go.

Set yourself a target time for reviewing your decision (say two months) and in the meantime decide how often you will visit (not too often as you, too, need to get used to your new independence)

MacMahon · 24/10/2021 21:37

Do you have much DIY or decorating to do? That might be helpful to focus on.

Hoppinggreen · 24/10/2021 21:38

[quote Jbs93]@Blurp
I feel bad not seeing them everyday as that’s what I’m used to. First night away last night and my grandad rang me early this morning asking if I’m ready to come home yet. I couldnt tell him I hate it already.

I’m 28 and work full time. See my friends a fair bit. They came over today but the minute they left I was back to balling like a baby![/quote]
It’s nice that you love your family so much but to be honest it doesn’t sound entirely healthy. They sound a bit smothering and you sound a bit dependent

Blurp · 24/10/2021 21:48

I echo what @Hoppinggreen said - your relationship with your dad and grandad sounds a bit co-dependant and suffocating. It's not helpful for your grandad to be phoning you and suggesting you might be ready to move back.

Honestly, it will probably do you good to have a bit of distance from them, to find your own feet and get some confidence. In the long term it has potential to be a very positive thing for all of you and for your relationships as a family.

Polmuggle · 24/10/2021 21:51

Plan an evening tomorrow where you can do all the things you couldn't there.

Watch whatever telly you want, naked, eating junk food. Grin

ivykaty44 · 25/10/2021 12:36

And it was hard having people over. My family would always ask who it was. And when I went out I’d always get a message asking where I was, or when I would be back.

It’s change and even positive change can affect us

Why not invite some friends round for a night in and a takeaway, do this a couple of night this week and next. Have something to look forward to in your own place

But a small present for your home from now till Xmas, a candle or picture - look on market place for pre live inexpensive

Make it your home

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/10/2021 12:41

It’s natural you miss them but resist the temptation to go back. At 28 it’s right you are building up an independent life. Smile

GodspeedJune · 25/10/2021 12:43

Ah, bless you. It’s tough to go through a change but give it some time to settle. If you’re anything like me it takes a little while for the new place to feel like ‘home’ which makes it harder. It’s great that you’re close by so can pop in to see them easily.

dottiedodah · 25/10/2021 12:46

Well I admire you greatly as I never lived independently ever! Of the generation that lived at home and then got married. (Mid 50s) .What about just staying over at WE maybe? (If you dont have plans ) I do know what you mean about being asked who your friends are though .We lived round the corner from DP, and up the road from DGP! DSD would often say "I went by your house with the dog and the car wasnt there! Did you go out?! Meant kindly ,but got a bit claustrophobic after a while TBH. Maybe give it a while and see how you feel

thevassal · 25/10/2021 13:47

You just have to struggle through it! Any change can be hard at the start but it's amazing how quickly we become used to the 'new normal'! I bet in a month your new place will feel like home.

Ultimately if you moved back now when are you ever going to leave? The longer you leave it the harder it will be. You need to do this, and you can do it!

Spend more time out with friends, at the gym, doing a new hobby, at the shop, or whatever for the first few weeks if you need to keep yourself distracted and only go home to sleep.