Wedding beginning of December IS still going ahead AIBU?

[MollyMinniesMum]

DP and I are FINALLY getting married at the beginning of December having been forced to cancel twice in 2020 and once early 2021 due to Covid. It’s been really frustrating but hey ho it’s what we had to do.

When we set this date, we really felt this would be it and the wedding, as far as I’m concerned, will be going ahead.

The problem is, with rising cases and talk of ‘Plan B’ some friends and family have been in touch asking whether we will have to cancel again. We have some guests coming from abroad and some clinically vulnerable guests, it’s a big ish wedding, approx 80 guests, indoors obvs.

I understand that people are worried but my attitude is that it IS going ahead, come what may! I’ve waited long enough. Plan B doesn’t even mention weddings and that’s what I’m telling all these Debbie Downers, AIBU?

I don't think you can blame them for asking. But you just say we are going ahead.

We've just had three events planned for the next week cancelled as the hosts have covid.

YANBU. But some people may decide not to come. I am invited to a wedding next month, bride feels similar to you in that it's going ahead third time lucky whatever happens. I don't want to go because I'm still a bit too anxious about everything. Being among lots of people, indoors, no masks or distancing? No thanks.

I think they are wondering what you will do if indoor gatherings of that size are not allowed by the beginning of December. Not unreasonable to wonder.

Or wanting to do their own assessment of what level of risk is acceptable for them, given their individual circumstances, so they can decide whether or not they still want to attend, and let you know in good time. Also not unreasonable.

I wouldn’t be happy seeing my vulnerable older relatives go to a wedding with the case rates as they are at present, combined with the impossibility of moving to a different part of the venue or leaving entirely if they felt people were too crammed in or there wasn’t enough ventilation, etc. You sit where you’re told and can’t just leave without looking rude.

Everything the above poster said but in addition, if your wedding is at the start of December some people may want to weigh up risk in case there are cases at the wedding which mean they may need to be in self-isolation for Christmas.

I do hope it all goes smoothly for you though.

You're entitled to go ahead as planned.

They're entitled to decline their invite if they don't feel comfortable attending, and I guess that's just something you'd have to accept.

Hope it all goes well for you! And you have a lovely day

You cannot blame them for asking, and you cannot blame them for not feeling comfortable about coming. But you are also not being h reasonable to just get married come what may.

Yanbu to have your wedding. I guess you just need to tell everyone this and say please come if you feel comfortable. And of they don't come then that's OK too.

I’ve said yabu but only because you named called people are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. They are being ‘Debbie downers’ they are being realistic. I would come if I lived close by but might not attempt to travel abroad. Your wedding may happen, it may not, it may happen with fewer than 80 guests. I might send out a message saying you intend fir it to go she asd but understand if some people can’t come (better to know now than pay £80 for their dinner and they don’t turn up).

Well they're only asking .

We were very much the same earlier this year. Our third date and we said it was going ahead in whatever form we would be allowed. We had a back up plan in place for a scaled down version.

Yanbu for it to still be going ahead. Yabu if people decide to drop out and you get shitty with them.

You need to respect that some people may be vulnerable and worried and choose to pull out. So just say it is still going ahead and leave the ball in their court.

I’m arranging a event in mid December. I have a feeling we’ll have no shows on the day as people decide to isolate pre Christmas and the usual winter travel concerns and problems.
I’m downlow getting a list of pp to contact to make up the numbers. It’s a work event so no element of pp being offended, but it might be worth thinking of back ups rather than pay for food that will be uneaten.

Surely it's just being realistic not being a Debbie Downer? Yes your wedding can probably go ahead but it might not end up being exactly as you've planned and it's reasonable for people to wonder what you're plan B is. Especially for those travelling from abroad. We have lost a dear family member but were not able to travel to the funeral as we are currently not permitted to enter the country. We are still mid pandemic and things can turn on a dime. I've lost count of the number of things that have been cancelled/rearranged and I'm sure it's the same for families across the world.

Be prepared for people to drop out.

Some people will be affected by the daily media scaremongering (its definitely being ramped up). Other people may genuinely be poorly or isolating.

The fact is, you don't know how things are going to be in a month / 6 weeks so it's best to have a contingency plan.

Personally I wouldn't be travelling abroad for a wedding unless it was close family or one of my best friends.

I completely understand you want your wedding to go ahead, but other people just aren't as invested.

I think they are not BU for asking and you need to accept that restrictions or not, many will choose not to attend. As you say, the wedding is going ahead regardless so just focus on that and enjoy your day (even if it’s just a handful of you there).

People are going to pull out no matter when you have it. My dd had covid 3 weeks ago despite still mask wearing etc, last week my mother who is 3x jabbed and has had covid before has caught it again not from dd, nothing is certain these days and if they cancel weddings again that's not your fault.

YANBU to want it to go ahead but I think you honestly need to brace yourselves that it might be a 30 person wedding instead of an 80 person wedding as we don't know what winter will bring.

We had a 30 person wedding last summer due to restrictions and it was a lovely day so I'm sure whatever happens you'll have a lovely time!

I don’t blame you for going ahead regardless but regardless means even if restrictions are in place. You don’t seem to be considering that there might be limitations, even locally if not nationally. I know someone who married in august and as the area was a local hotspot the number of guests was reduced to 30 by the venue despite national rules allowing more. This happened days before the wedding. People were uninvited. I imagine guests are reluctant to spend £££s on travel for no invite at the last moment. I can totally see why they are asking.

I presume these Debbie Downers are paying for their own plane tickets? If yes then of course they will be concerned that paying out money for something that they may not be able to travel to. I would not be shelling out money to travel to the UK at the minute.

I have turned down going to a relative's wedding next week. I am CEV, it's indoor with 80 guests and the host has not asked for guests to do a LFT 24 hours before. If he had, I would have gone. Perhaps this is something you can ask guests to do?

I feel for you.

It must be awful cancelling twice. Wondering also whether that cost you money.

Personally, due the situation and what happened last year, and constant government U turns I have got into the habit of yes, hoping things will happen, but being prepared if they don't.

I don't know how you would work that for a wedding, other than be prepared that noone apart from you and the groom and witnesses will turn up and having a party later?

Or being prepared that some will cancel.
Or being prepared that numbers will be restricted.

It is all a lesson in uncertainty isn't it?

Uncertainty is not something I'm good at, I like everything planned, sounds like you do too.

But life throws curveballs and I can't help thinking it is better to be prepared.
Yes, I used to be in the Brownies...

Second the suggstion of LFTs 24 hours before. Useful suggestion,

@Etinoxaurus

I’m arranging a event in mid December. I have a feeling we’ll have no shows on the day as people decide to isolate pre Christmas and the usual winter travel concerns and problems. I’m downlow getting a list of pp to contact to make up the numbers. It’s a work event so no element of pp being offended, but it might be worth thinking of back ups rather than pay for food that will be uneaten.

Yes I think this is very sensible. The dealing with uncertainty thing.

Nobody knows what things will be like in December, so I understand them asking, especially if they e got plane tickets. Personally I’d send a message to all guests to tell them you are very much intending to go ahead.

I think it’s very unlikely that weddings will be banned, but I think reduced numbers to allow social distancing and face masks is possible.

It’s also worth remembering that as cases go up the probability of a key guest or supplier having to isolate also goes up. I should have been at a wedding today but the bride has COVID.

Thank you all esp nice comments, some Really useful suggestions here, I think I’m actually panicking that it won’t go ahead as planned.

LFT before the wedding great idea I hadn’t thought of,

For clarity, one of the people coming from abroad is a very close family member and his wife. I would be really annoyed if they didn’t come tbh