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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding beginning of December IS still going ahead AIBU?

54 replies

MollyMinniesMum · 24/10/2021 10:01

DP and I are FINALLY getting married at the beginning of December having been forced to cancel twice in 2020 and once early 2021 due to Covid. It’s been really frustrating but hey ho it’s what we had to do.

When we set this date, we really felt this would be it and the wedding, as far as I’m concerned, will be going ahead.

The problem is, with rising cases and talk of ‘Plan B’ some friends and family have been in touch asking whether we will have to cancel again. We have some guests coming from abroad and some clinically vulnerable guests, it’s a big ish wedding, approx 80 guests, indoors obvs.

I understand that people are worried but my attitude is that it IS going ahead, come what may! I’ve waited long enough. Plan B doesn’t even mention weddings and that’s what I’m telling all these Debbie Downers, AIBU?

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 24/10/2021 11:15

Are you paying for their travel?

If not, I don't think you have a right to be annoyed tbh.

It's a wedding. A party. That is all.

CoolOven · 24/10/2021 11:16

We've just had three events planned for the next week cancelled as the hosts have covid

Likewise. We have an event planned for my husband's significant birthday next week. It's looking like it's going to be a quiet do as half the invitees are isolating. Some have COVID and the rest aren't sure yet. We have one of the highest rates in the country here. We'll likely have to cancel things as they stand at the moment.

fmpc · 24/10/2021 11:17

"For clarity, one of the people coming from abroad is a very close family member and his wife. I would be really annoyed if they didn’t come tbh"

For this YABU

Sad that they won't be there would be, fine, annoyed YABVU

Notaroadrunner · 24/10/2021 11:20

@BFCfairy

Yanbu to have your wedding. I guess you just need to tell everyone this and say please come if you feel comfortable. And of they don't come then that's OK too.
I agree. Don't cancel the wedding. Even if you're left with 10 guests, just do it. It will be special to you and your partner regardless. Let them know it's going ahead and if they have had a change of mind about attending they better let you know asap so you can let the venue know.
MrsSkylerWhite · 24/10/2021 11:21

MollyMinniesMum

For clarity, one of the people coming from abroad is a very close family member and his wife. I would be really annoyed if they didn’t come tbh“

I think that’s unreasonable, this situation is beyond their control.

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 24/10/2021 11:25

Debbie downers?

lap90 · 24/10/2021 11:25

They aren't being 'debbie downers'.
Their concerns are understandable if they are paying for travel and accommodation costs and expected to mingle indoors with a large number of people.

Notonthestairs · 24/10/2021 11:26

I am very sympathetic and recognise that it must be stressful organising events at the moment.

But when was the last time you went to a wedding in another country? Don't put pressure on relatives to attend, let them make their own decisions and accept them with good grace.

Lightswitch123 · 24/10/2021 11:28

YANBU

Congrats OP

I'd be looking forward to it if I was on your guest list.

CoolOven · 24/10/2021 11:29

I would be really annoyed if they didn’t come tbh

You would be unreasonable to be annoyed. People are entitled to weigh up their own risks.

QuizzlyBear · 24/10/2021 11:33

I'm a wedding registrar and so far there's been zero talk of more delayed weddings or Covid restrictions that should affect them.

Fingers crossed that the government don't pull out another last minute surprise(!) but judging by what we've heard, all are still going ahead as planned. Good luck x

mibbelucieachwell · 24/10/2021 11:46

I predict that by December the prevalence of covid in UK will be lower. It's thought that almost half the population have now had covid. Most of them won't get it again. The booster will mean that most over 50s will have better protection against even symptomatic infection than after having two jabs. And even more younger people will be vaccinated.

But it must be an awful dilemma for any of your guests who worry about getting covid.

friendlycat · 24/10/2021 11:50

I can understand your frustration but you being unreasonable to be annoyed if your close family member where unable to make it in December. The foreign press are looking on aghast at what is happening in the UK.

If I lived abroad frankly I would not want to come to the UK in the near future!

I can understand that you want to go ahead but I think that you need to be prepared that people may well drop out which of course places you in a difficult position with caterers/numbers etc.

I think there will be some people who do not want to be indoors surrounded by a large number of guests (which I would not want either) and then there will be some people with symptoms and others who are ill who then have to duck out at the last moment.

I think sadly it is inevitable that your numbers will differ from what you have planned.

CornishGem1975 · 24/10/2021 11:50

I am getting married just before Christmas but I have to confirm the final numbers end of November - at which point if anyone pulls out I lose the money, which is £100 per person. I am thinking of emailing everyone before that point and asking if anyone is nervous or thinking they don't want to come now, they let me know in advance. I'll be pissed off if people pull out the week before (if it can be helped, obviously not if they have COVID) but if they tell me now, it's no big deal.

friendlycat · 24/10/2021 11:54

@CornishGem1975

I am getting married just before Christmas but I have to confirm the final numbers end of November - at which point if anyone pulls out I lose the money, which is £100 per person. I am thinking of emailing everyone before that point and asking if anyone is nervous or thinking they don't want to come now, they let me know in advance. I'll be pissed off if people pull out the week before (if it can be helped, obviously not if they have COVID) but if they tell me now, it's no big deal.
I think that's a wise move. You give them the option to pull out, and do it in a nice way so they don't feel really guilty, then you know where you are as best as possible.
Willyoujustbequiet · 24/10/2021 11:57

The thing is you don't know it's going ahead - you may be restricted to much lower numbers. Its outside of your control really.

Original poster
MollyMinniesMum · 24/10/2021 11:59

The person in question is my Father, I’m not paying for their travel and I don’t think IABU to want him at my wedding, it was his decision to move abroad not mine, he also hasn’t met his grand daughter yet (she’s 5 months)

OP posts:
Hillary17 · 24/10/2021 12:01

In the same boat - third planned wedding is in two weeks and theres no plan B for us. A few people have reached out to say they’ll be there no matter what which I appreciate. If some people don’t feel safe enough to attend I understand but I am not moving this wedding again! I honestly don’t have the emotional capacity to plan another one. Most people I know are double (some triple, me included), have already had Covid or simply need a party. I need my wedding!

fmpc · 24/10/2021 12:12

@MollyMinniesMum

The person in question is my Father, I’m not paying for their travel and I don’t think IABU to want him at my wedding, it was his decision to move abroad not mine, he also hasn’t met his grand daughter yet (she’s 5 months)
So you want do someone in an older age group to travel to a country with very few Covid restrictions, along with the highest number of Covid cases in Europe?

And you're going to be annoyed with them if they consider it too big of a risk?

YABU

GreenClock · 24/10/2021 12:27

I wish I were coming! I like weddings.

I think you need to brace yourself for your dad not being there, OP. I really hope he makes it though.

It’ll be lovely even if it’s on a smaller scale because it’s all about you and your partner when it comes to the crunch.

Kingstonmumof1 · 24/10/2021 12:29

If your dad catches covid whilst in the UK will you have him stay with you until he is allowed to fly home again?

Crunchymum · 24/10/2021 12:31

@MollyMinniesMum

The person in question is my Father, I’m not paying for their travel and I don’t think IABU to want him at my wedding, it was his decision to move abroad not mine, he also hasn’t met his grand daughter yet (she’s 5 months)
Your dad should attend. But you can't force him to and if he is making noises that he may not come, I think you need to prepare for him possibly not being there Sad
marykitty · 24/10/2021 12:38

YANBU to go ahead with your plan

If I was a relative or a friend I would decline the invite.

minatrina · 24/10/2021 12:43

Of course you will be sad that people decide not to come, but surely you can't be surprised?

I definitely don't think you have the right to be annoyed at people. I say this as someone who got married during the pandemic last year when cases were a lot lower and there was a 30 person limit. We invited around 12 immediate family members I think, and we just had the church ceremony with no reception, and I was perfectly prepared and expecting to receive people's apologies! Of course, this was before vaccines but I would feel the same if I was getting married today. My wedding was the best day of my life - but ultimately weddings are not really that important to everyone else to risk their life/income from catching covid!

ByeBumpHiBaby · 24/10/2021 12:43

@MollyMinniesMum

The person in question is my Father, I’m not paying for their travel and I don’t think IABU to want him at my wedding, it was his decision to move abroad not mine, he also hasn’t met his grand daughter yet (she’s 5 months)
Was he aware of the upcoming pandemic and his daughters wedding when he moved abroad?

I can understand you'd be disappointed if he wasn't there, but the shit has hit the fan somewhat over the last 18 months...