to be sick of DP interfering in everything I do??

[FancyLampshade]

Typical example:

• catching a flight and checking in my own hold luggage. DP stands behind me, sticks his head over my shoulder and points over to correct which button I'm pressing (I've travelled extensively alone....)

(This one just springs to mind as it was recently and was the moment when I clocked that he's always involving himself in whatever I'm doing!)

It's weird as he's not obviously bossy (and he doesn't have to 'have his own way' all the time), it's more in the guise of being 'helpful'. We've been together a few years and somehow I've only recently noticed that he does this, but now I have, I realise that he does it constantly throughout any given day. I've always found he can be a bit suffocating and find myself getting quite tense and irritable, however it's kind of quite gently done so not obvious?? It's literally only clicked in the past few weeks that this is something that is putting me on edge constantly.

Now I've picked up on it, I'm curious, is this a thing that people do, am I BU in finding it irritating in the extreme.

When you notice him starting to 'loom', turn, fix him with a gimlet eye and say 'step back!'. Do not return to your task until he has.

DH kept joining me in the kitchen and helping to cook, doing it all wrong and getting things ready in the wrong order. I never asked him to. I had to tell him 'I'm fine, I don't need help, I'd rather do it on my own, you're confusing me and making it complicated'. He's the same in the garden. I go out for a quiet, slow potter and am joined by a whirlwind tearing things up and getting in the way.
There are jobs I'd love help with. He doesn't elbow me out of the way for those ones though.

Have you thought of thanking him effusively for his "help" and "advice" eg "Gosh thanks, I'd never have thought of that, what would I ever do without you to help and advise me etc......" and follow up according to whether he becomes huffy, embarrassed, or seems to think you've finally seen the light.
Or, if it's a mundane task you weren't that keen on in the first place, but needs must, pass it over with a cheerful word of thanks for showing you the best way and making it his job in future.

Guilty as charged Your Honour!
I have done this.

My personality is such that I take things more literally than many people do.
At times I have had depression, diagnosed and treated, recovered.
When suffering I developed OCD always re-arranging things in pairs or giving or a running commentary on what someone was doing. I would say "And Now.....
But when it was pointed out I changed - well for a while!
Now I am better I can talk about it.

@PuppyMonkey

More importantly, why isn't bold working for me there?

Because you didn't join the sentences up, and there were line spaces...

Try being barked at with
"Lane discipline" whilst on a roundabout.
Reminds me of my driving instructor who 30 years ago, used to say " don't waste Road"

You needed to either join them up like

Try being barked at with "Lane discipline" whilst on a roundabout. Reminds me of my driving instructor who 30 years ago, used to say " don't waste Road"

OR put the * (asterisk) at the beginning and end of each sentence/line. Then it will come out like...

Try being barked at with
"Lane discipline" whilst on a roundabout.
Reminds me of my driving instructor who 30 years ago, used to say " don't waste Road"

Bet a MAN woulda known that

Joking... honestly.

@politics4me

Guilty as charged Your Honour! I have done this. My personality is such that I take things more literally than many people do. At times I have had depression, diagnosed and treated, recovered. When suffering I developed OCD always re-arranging things in pairs or giving or a running commentary on what someone was doing. I would say "And Now..... But when it was pointed out I changed - well for a while! Now I am better I can talk about it.

At least you acknowledge it! Sorry to hear you're a depression sufferer...

@LittleDandelionClock doh, of course! Course, DP would have noticed my mistake straight away had he seen my earlier post.

My wife does this, it's infuriating.

Literally giving instructions to do sometime as I'm already doing it.

@Mayorquimby2

My wife does this, it's infuriating.

Literally giving instructions to do sometime as I'm already doing it.

Oh yeah it's not just men. My mother was the same with my dad. He couldn't do a bastard thing right! He did the food shopping some 2 or 3 times a week. (Shops were 10 minutes walk and he walked there and back and came home with the shopping in 3 or 4 bags.)

EVERY SINGLE TIME, she would criticize something he had got, for being 'wrong...' He always said 'do it yer bloody self then!' But he still went and did it again a few days later...

@queenMab99

When I was driving, DP occasionally used to say, 'handbrake, turn off engine' at the end of a journey, as if he was my driving instructor and I was going to exit the car leaving the engine running, and let it roll down the road. I had been driving for 20 years before I met him! He did have bossy, domineering tendencies, but I just picked him up on it every time, until he saw the light.

Omg, my ex was like that, irritating as fuck. Being told when I did and did not need to indicate, to speed up, which parking space to park in??? I've been driving for over 20 years. And to add insult to injury he had no driving license due to speeding/points! 🤬

Oh my Lord, my 80 year old parents do this to me constantly when they stay for a visit. And my ex H & several ex Bfs used to try. Even when I was the one who's shown them how to do it in the first place!
I used to try the :
"I don't need instructions, I showed you how to do it/ I'm an adult just like you "

"You're irritating me not helping me"

"If I want help, I'll ask . Ive got this"

But responding like that made me cross and was a bit harsh when they thought they were helping- so over the years, I just started loudly teasing (which my teen DCs now use it in me- damn!!)

"are you giving me UMAs/ UDAs?"
"No more UMAs/ UDAs today, you'll run out & then how will you cope ?"

UMA = Unsolicited Mum's Advice or Unsolicited Man Advice
UDA = Unsolicited Dads Advice

Start loudly instructing him during sex, and see how he likes it then.

"No dear, that's not quite right, do it this way. No dear, not like that you haven't put it in the way I would. No dear not just yet, don't hurry, take your time"

See if he finds that "helpful". I had a "helpful" one once, he made me feel small, foolish and very thick over time, I just couldn't cope with everything that I did wrong and was not capable of doing according to him.

My mum does this with driving and crossing the road, both of which she’s considerably worse at than the average adult. Constant screeching. Unbearable.

My DH sometimes does it too but I just instantly hand the task over to him completely when he does. If he doesn’t like that he knows what not to do next time!

My DH has a mild case of this. I don't complain if he reloads the dishwasher because he gets tons more in than I do. I do put him in his place pretty smartly if it is something I am good at.

I have only got to shouting point once, when he decided that he could dismantle and service my sewing machine. He knows nothing about sewing machines, and I told him that being a man did not magically endow him with the ability to fix machinery. I think he felt competitive with my late father, who genuinely could mend just about anything.

We have compromised: he is the acknowledged dishwasher genius, I am the ultimate laundry authority, neither of us schools the other outside those areas, and interfering with the sewing machine is a capital offence.

Why are you with someone so annoying?

I would completely get the Ick from his behaviour.

He sounds so smothering.

Mine has the odd moment like this but a 'gentle Fuck Off' as a pp said generally puts him straight. I don't think he realises he's doing it, but I point it out every time.
Some of the people being described on this thread would have been under my patio long ago. Or at the very least I would have LTB.

My Mum and Dad both give me grief for holding the car on the clutch.
''Handbrake! Handbrake! Brakes are cheaper than a new clutch''

Husband often critiques my driving. He thinks he is a better driver because he has a PSV. No love, your driving gives me car sickness.
He also reversed his car into a tree.

[quote PuppyMonkey]@LittleDandelionClock doh, of course! Course, DP would have noticed my mistake straight away had he seen my earlier post.[/quote]

I think I might be your husband 😬 I do this alot I think. It just takes DH sooo long to find the right button and Im just stood there like OMG just press the button, it's right there, why can't you see it? You're putting the passport in upside down. Can I just do it?!
Sorry 😕

Nip it in the bud. My DH, since retirement, has taken to offering advice on things I do that he has NO experience in (like making alterations for clothes). A swift “and your sewing experience is?“ seems to have done the trick for now, however, I’m watching him closely for any other mansplaining tendencies and am aware that further challenges may be necessary...