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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick quick, was this reasonable to get DS to come home ASAP?

35 replies

Pelagi · 22/10/2021 23:24

DS is 16 (and 3 months). Was due to have a sleepover at friend’s this evening. All fine. At 10.45 ish I went to bed, texted him to say hope it’s going well and goodnight. He replies - our plans changed, I’m not sleeping over, don’t lock the door. So after some discussion I said he had either to get an Uber (40 mins drive) straightaway or set off ASAP to get bus then train 1 then train 2, with NO PHONE OR HEADPHONES on view until safely on train 2 surrounded by late-returning business people (we’re in Greater London). He’s doing it but I suspect he’s thinking I’m totally unfair. But I’m wondering if it was and others would let him come home much later by bus/train/train? I have an older DS but he was never interested in this sort of thing!

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Original poster
Pelagi · 22/10/2021 23:26

And of course now I can’t go to sleep till he’s back…

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JurgensCakeBaby · 22/10/2021 23:26

How far, what kind of area, how savvy is he? I'm from East London btw and can handle myself, there are parts I wouldn't travel around this time of night on my own

Hattie765 · 22/10/2021 23:29

Well it's done now and he should be on his way and home soon so make a cup of tea and watch a bit of Tele to pass the time xx

TwinklyBranch · 22/10/2021 23:29

Sounds totally reasonable to me, but I don't have teenagers or live in London so I don't know how much my opinion counts! Hope he is home safe soon.

Original poster
Pelagi · 22/10/2021 23:34

It’s a journey I’d happily make myself at that time - part of east London to part of north London. Although maybe not the bus bit, I prefer trains. But I’m a middle-aged woman with, I like to think, a bit more sense and experience than a 16 year boy. Plus, honestly, I feel that middle-aged women are more invisible and thus safer than teenage boys, sad to say.

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Original poster
Pelagi · 22/10/2021 23:35

Thank you, obviously I’m now just browsing Mumsnet to pass the time Grin

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Original poster
Pelagi · 22/10/2021 23:36

Sorry that was to Hattie765

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HundredMilesAnHour · 22/10/2021 23:40

I probably would have got him an Uber. I live in east London and there are parts where you need to keep your wits about you travelling alone at night. 99.9% of the time it's fine but you never know for sure.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/10/2021 23:42

At that age I'd be asking him to set off for home a bit sooner the next time tbh, not later.

HippeePrincess · 22/10/2021 23:43

It’s a bit ott you sound very anxious

Original poster
Pelagi · 22/10/2021 23:45

That’s what I did - I think he preferred it as the public transport option involved the phone ban Hmm. So now I’m following his car home in the app.
I’m at least glad not to receive a chorus of disapproval that I’m being over-protective. I think teenagers often don’t have a very good ability to assess risk. I certainly didn’t until I was about 22…

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Original poster
Pelagi · 22/10/2021 23:46

@ErrolTheDragon

At that age I'd be asking him to set off for home a bit sooner the next time tbh, not later.
Yes indeed, I’d thought he was staying over and I would have been ok with coming home by bus etc if it hadn’t already been so late.
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shinynewapple21 · 22/10/2021 23:47

I don't know the area but I wouldn't have felt comfortable with my 16 year old DS travelling that distance on linking transport late at night .

I was probably lucky in that if he travelled into city centre he would always be with a local friend .

I would probably have paid for an Uber for him .

Original poster
Pelagi · 22/10/2021 23:47

@HippeePrincess

It’s a bit ott you sound very anxious
Well this could be true. I used to be worse though Grin
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Hairyfriend · 22/10/2021 23:54

What happened to change his mind? I'd be concerned about a sudden change of circumstances without a valid reason.

When I was that age myself, although not in central london, I'd have appreciated my mum/dad driving to collect me! (assuming this was wanted by your child?)

Having lived between zone 1-2 for 17+yrs, I think a teen could navigate there way via tube, but might collect them from a long bus journey. It clearly depends on the reason he left the 'friends' house? Who knows what went on for him to decide to leave. Could be anything from a minor disagreement, to something dangerous! Confused

lilyfire · 22/10/2021 23:55

I have 3 teenage boys - oldest 18 and we’re in London. I don’t think you were being over anxious and think you did the right thing. I think I’m pretty chilled and my eldest was certainly travelling by public transport at night in London at that age but by 10.30 ish I would have needed to know how he was getting back and that there was a clear plan and what it was. I do think 16 yo boys are quite vulnerable out at night.

DaisyNGO · 22/10/2021 23:55

I'm a londoner.

It's Friday night, it will be busy and fine. Not sure what the worry is tbh. Did he go out on public transport initially?

saraclara · 22/10/2021 23:58

So now I’m following his car home in the app.

Why?

Relax, for goodness' sake! He's in an Uber, the front door is unlocked, you don't need to be 'stalking' his car!

Filthycop · 22/10/2021 23:58

I'm on London and a bus and two trains at this time of night isn't something I'd be happy a lone 16 yearly doing. I'd have gone for an UBER too...

PurpleOkapi · 23/10/2021 00:09

How does your 16-year-old not have a key to his own home?

minipie · 23/10/2021 00:10

As someone who grew up as a London teenager, I think you’re very lucky he has a phone and is contactable! I agree Uber sounds more reliable than multiple public transport connections but I think given uber is an option the leave NOW instruction was a bit much. Leave now via public transport or leave later via uber might have been a bit more, proportionate shall we say.

Easy to say when it’s someone else’s kid of course. in 8 years when min is 16 I’ll be up watching whatever tracker I’ve injected behind her ear…

minipie · 23/10/2021 00:10

*mine

BungleandGeorge · 23/10/2021 00:11

Aren’t young lads the age group statistically the most at risk? I think you did the right thing getting an Uber. I also wouldn’t personally be happy to go to bed leaving the front door unlocked!

Summerdayshaze · 23/10/2021 00:15

Aww. Hope he’s home safe and sound. I’d be the same.

Original poster
Pelagi · 23/10/2021 00:22

@Hairyfriend

What happened to change his mind? I'd be concerned about a sudden change of circumstances without a valid reason.

When I was that age myself, although not in central london, I'd have appreciated my mum/dad driving to collect me! (assuming this was wanted by your child?)

Having lived between zone 1-2 for 17+yrs, I think a teen could navigate there way via tube, but might collect them from a long bus journey. It clearly depends on the reason he left the 'friends' house? Who knows what went on for him to decide to leave. Could be anything from a minor disagreement, to something dangerous! Confused

I wasn’t really concerned about that actually. He wasn’t keen to leave straightaway so it was all harmonious, apparently he just “changed his mind”. But maybe his friend’s mum said no sleepovers or something and hadn’t been consulted…
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