Quick quick, was this reasonable to get DS to come home ASAP?

[Pelagi]

DS is 16 (and 3 months). Was due to have a sleepover at friend’s this evening. All fine. At 10.45 ish I went to bed, texted him to say hope it’s going well and goodnight. He replies - our plans changed, I’m not sleeping over, don’t lock the door. So after some discussion I said he had either to get an Uber (40 mins drive) straightaway or set off ASAP to get bus then train 1 then train 2, with NO PHONE OR HEADPHONES on view until safely on train 2 surrounded by late-returning business people (we’re in Greater London). He’s doing it but I suspect he’s thinking I’m totally unfair. But I’m wondering if it was and others would let him come home much later by bus/train/train? I have an older DS but he was never interested in this sort of thing!

@PurpleOkapi

How does your 16-year-old not have a key to his own home?

Oh he does, he just meant not to put the chain on the inside.

@minipie

As someone who grew up as a London teenager, I think you’re very lucky he has a phone and is contactable! I agree Uber sounds more reliable than multiple public transport connections but I think given uber is an option the leave NOW instruction was a bit much. Leave now via public transport or leave later via uber might have been a bit more, proportionate shall we say.

Easy to say when it’s someone else’s kid of course. in 8 years when min is 16 I’ll be up watching whatever tracker I’ve injected behind her ear…

The trouble with the Uber option was that I’d have to book it via my phone so wasn’t keen to have to wait up for ages until he was ready for me to do that. I might now get him set up with it on his own phone. But I’d still prefer him to come home while I’m still awake.

@Pelagi for next time: you can book an Uber for any time in the future, so you won’t have to stay up

Ah thank you, I need to get more technologically accomplished!

Is he home?

(Vicarious worry)

I think you did the right thing. It's great he called you say plan changed.

My DS also 16 did same this week. I think the sleep over plan fell apart because the mum had no idea 6 boys were coming over !... In my case DS was more rural that night and train links not great by the time he called me so I went and collected him.

I know that feeling of not being sure what right thing to do is but 16 year old boys are still vulnerable.

He sounds like a sensible young man OP.
Doing as his Mum tells him gets him brownie points in my book
Would that all 16 year olds listened to Mum - I never did!

You were completely reasonable. You need to have a chat with him about how unsafe it could have been for you to go to bed and leave the door unlocked. He needs to think about the impact of his actions on others.

Whenever mine did anything like this I just asked them what time they wanted collecting and went to get them , that’s how my parents dealt with us as well . So working on that theory and assuming you don’t drive /couldn’t drive I would have said to order an Uber when he was ready to leave .

@BlackeyedSusan

Is he home?

(Vicarious worry)

Yes, sorry, should have updated for all the people as anxious as me! He got home about midnight, safe and sound.