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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Massage Therapist Made Me Feel Uncomfortable

41 replies

Louisbeau · 22/10/2021 23:12

AIBU to be upset that my massage therapist told me that she has a daughter who is as big as me,(I’m a size 16), her exact words “one of my daughters is skinny like me and one is as big as you” and then she tells me that she told her daughter to stop eating or her partner will leave her because men don’t like bigger women. She then recommended a good diet to me that involves drinking lots of coffee to fill you up and not eating until the evening. I didn’t once bring up my weight or dieting, this conversation came out no where, it started off with her saying that her daughters were around my age and then immediately onto weight. I just kept on trying to change the subject because I suddenly felt really embarrassed.

I went home and cried, am I being unreasonable or would this make anyone else feel hurt or embarrassed?

I think that it doesn’t help that it’s a big insecurity of mine and I’m currently working out and losing weight and have been feeling good about myself but after today I feel like my confidence has dropped down so low.

OP posts:

WindowsSmindows · 22/10/2021 23:15

That sounds hideous, I'm so sorry.

Coffeeisnecessary · 22/10/2021 23:15

This is incredibly insensitive of her and unprofessional. Does she work for herself or a company? She needs reporting to someone! Don't feel down about yourself, it sounds like she has a lot of issues. Well done on your working out and feeling good about yourself!

AmandaHoldensLips · 22/10/2021 23:17

That's really shit and incredibly insensitive. She's clearly in the wrong job.

Original poster

Louisbeau · 22/10/2021 23:19

It was a big company with lots of therapists and they are all usually lovely. I feel like I should report it but was worried I was being over sensitive because of my own insecurities but perhaps I should.

OP posts:

Animood · 22/10/2021 23:21

She sounds like a twat.

I think you should say something.

LemonCake79 · 22/10/2021 23:21

That doesn't sound like a relaxing experience at all. I had to change hairdressers after years with the same one when he started selling herbal life. I couldn't sit through the lecture on how much I'd benefit from buying some etc.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 22/10/2021 23:22

Please report it, as that was awful, potentially damaging behaviour on the part of your masseuse. What a nasty piece of work. I hope you are ok

user1000000000009 · 22/10/2021 23:23

I'm a therapist. This is an absolute no and is highly unprofessional.

I would never ever mention someone's weight - even if they brought it up.

100% report her to management.

FourForFore4 · 22/10/2021 23:24

How awful, she sounds like she shouldn't be working there as surely you're meant to leave there feeling good & she caused the opposite.
In your position I would report because she needs some training. It may help save someone else having to feel like you do after being on the receiving end of her mindless & insensitive drivel.
And IMHO the 'diet' she spouted about is ridiculous!

VodselForDinner · 22/10/2021 23:25

Please tell me you didn’t tip her.

Original poster

Louisbeau · 22/10/2021 23:26

I will report her, thank you so much for your responses, I know now I’m not being over sensitive.

OP posts:

thisgardenlife · 22/10/2021 23:28

I'd report her. I'm a trained massage and aromatherapist and what you've described is unheard of and surely against the code of professional conduct.

And anyway, she's not meant to talk throughout a massage treatment, just during the consultation beforehand.

Definitely ask to speak to the manager or whoever is in charge if it's a large organisation. Often the therapists are freelance / self-employed, and just rent a therapy room so the organisation can choose not to lease space to her in future.

TheChiefJo · 22/10/2021 23:30

Someone who is paid to deliver massage therapy should want their clients to feel comfortable partially dressed/undressed in their presence. She is failing spectacularly.

Animood · 22/10/2021 23:32

Also ignore her Diet advice. Sounds like an eating disorder to me.

Animood · 22/10/2021 23:32

Oh and ask for a full refund.

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 22/10/2021 23:33

Totally out of order. Do report her. I'm sorry you were made to feel this way. Massages should be relaxing, positive experiences. She had no right to say or think any of those things.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/10/2021 23:34

I'm sorry your massage was ruined by someone who has chosen the wrong career.

I once had a miserable massage from a masseuse who kept telling me to relax my neck muscles more...more...MORE! She told me that I was developing a hunchback and I would regret my neck clenching ways when I was "twisted over" and could only look at the ground. Like you, I had not asked for any negative opinions on my physique, but she ensured that I did not enjoy any part of the massage by periodically returning to the neck and sighing meaningfully.

I had booked using a gift card and really looking forward to a relaxing and luxurious experience. I came out feeling like shit, and I haven't gone for a massage since

Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce · 22/10/2021 23:38

I had an encounter in my local supermarket, the woman before me at the checkout was talking to the cashier about how much weight she'd lost and handed over a card, I think it was for slimming pills or similar.
I was very overweight at the time, and I knew what was coming after the cashier looked me up and down
As I was packing my shopping she said 'that lady before you was as big as you (adopted a sumo wrestlers pose complete with puffed out cheeks) do you want this card so you can lose weight?'
With a smile I replied 'I'm ok thanks but my brother in law is a cosmetic surgeon, do you want his card to do something about your face?'(whilst doing a circular pointing motion)
I then 'chipped and pinned,' and sashayed off on my fat little legs

Animood · 22/10/2021 23:54

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

I had an encounter in my local supermarket, the woman before me at the checkout was talking to the cashier about how much weight she'd lost and handed over a card, I think it was for slimming pills or similar. I was very overweight at the time, and I knew what was coming after the cashier looked me up and down As I was packing my shopping she said 'that lady before you was as big as you (adopted a sumo wrestlers pose complete with puffed out cheeks) do you want this card so you can lose weight?' With a smile I replied 'I'm ok thanks but my brother in law is a cosmetic surgeon, do you want his card to do something about your face?'(whilst doing a circular pointing motion) I then 'chipped and pinned,' and sashayed off on my fat little legs

You absolute fucking legend. Hero.

lynntheyresexpeople · 22/10/2021 23:57

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

I had an encounter in my local supermarket, the woman before me at the checkout was talking to the cashier about how much weight she'd lost and handed over a card, I think it was for slimming pills or similar. I was very overweight at the time, and I knew what was coming after the cashier looked me up and down As I was packing my shopping she said 'that lady before you was as big as you (adopted a sumo wrestlers pose complete with puffed out cheeks) do you want this card so you can lose weight?' With a smile I replied 'I'm ok thanks but my brother in law is a cosmetic surgeon, do you want his card to do something about your face?'(whilst doing a circular pointing motion) I then 'chipped and pinned,' and sashayed off on my fat little legs

You are the hero we didn't know we needed - all hail queen @Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

LittleDandelionClock · 22/10/2021 23:59

@Louisbeau WOW, what a vile cow that woman sounds. I am so sorry for you.

Why are some people such cunts?

I have heard (in the last few weeks alone) one woman say to my neighbour's husband 'Ella would be so much prettier if she lost all that weight' and another woman say to my friend's cousin who had her fourth son, 'aww what a shame. Pity you can't send him back!' And my personal favourite... a woman my brother used to work with, saw him for the first time in 3 years yesterday, and told him she couldn't believe how fat he's got, and how much grey is in his beard now. He was like...

I mean, WTAF is wrong with some people? I would NEVER speak like this to anyone.

In addition to this, I have known a number of people (usually over 55) make rude and insulting comments to the younger women in the family about their weight and size, OR the weight and size of their children.

I mean, that random twat DJ off LBC, calling Tilly Ramsay a chubby thing, and saying she was a terrible dancer, and wondering who the hell she was anyway, was just vile and cruel. WTF is wrong with him?

OP, as a few posters have said, please report this vile cow.

LittleDandelionClock · 22/10/2021 23:59

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

I had an encounter in my local supermarket, the woman before me at the checkout was talking to the cashier about how much weight she'd lost and handed over a card, I think it was for slimming pills or similar. I was very overweight at the time, and I knew what was coming after the cashier looked me up and down As I was packing my shopping she said 'that lady before you was as big as you (adopted a sumo wrestlers pose complete with puffed out cheeks) do you want this card so you can lose weight?' With a smile I replied 'I'm ok thanks but my brother in law is a cosmetic surgeon, do you want his card to do something about your face?'(whilst doing a circular pointing motion) I then 'chipped and pinned,' and sashayed off on my fat little legs

LOL!

LittleDandelionClock · 23/10/2021 00:10

My brother by the way, is 6 ft 3 and has gained 1.5 stone in 2 years, and is 16 stone now. Not super slim no, but not a monster FGS

Boredoutmymind · 23/10/2021 00:11

Report her to the relevant people. Check if she has a special treatments license with the council and report it to them as well.
I am a man and I don't judge people on there looks/body size.
There are plenty of ignorant people who will judge people for what ever reason.
I wouldn't dwell on it. Just take time to relax and do something you enjoy.
I have dealt with people like this and best you can do is stick 2 fingers up at them and get on and enjoy your life.

Westerman · 23/10/2021 00:12

I'm glad you're going to report her. And as for men leaving bigger women, what a load of tosh, and I think my husband would have something to say about that; he adores my size 16/18 body.
Plesse don't let her rubbish words get you down.

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