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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Massage Therapist Made Me Feel Uncomfortable

41 replies

Louisbeau · 22/10/2021 23:12

AIBU to be upset that my massage therapist told me that she has a daughter who is as big as me,(I’m a size 16), her exact words “one of my daughters is skinny like me and one is as big as you” and then she tells me that she told her daughter to stop eating or her partner will leave her because men don’t like bigger women. She then recommended a good diet to me that involves drinking lots of coffee to fill you up and not eating until the evening. I didn’t once bring up my weight or dieting, this conversation came out no where, it started off with her saying that her daughters were around my age and then immediately onto weight. I just kept on trying to change the subject because I suddenly felt really embarrassed.

I went home and cried, am I being unreasonable or would this make anyone else feel hurt or embarrassed?

I think that it doesn’t help that it’s a big insecurity of mine and I’m currently working out and losing weight and have been feeling good about myself but after today I feel like my confidence has dropped down so low.

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 23/10/2021 00:16

Wtf!!!!! What a bitch.

Report her.

Original poster
Louisbeau · 23/10/2021 00:17

Thank you everyone for your kind words, it really means a lot Smile

OP posts:
Summerdayshaze · 23/10/2021 00:22

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

I had an encounter in my local supermarket, the woman before me at the checkout was talking to the cashier about how much weight she'd lost and handed over a card, I think it was for slimming pills or similar. I was very overweight at the time, and I knew what was coming after the cashier looked me up and down As I was packing my shopping she said 'that lady before you was as big as you (adopted a sumo wrestlers pose complete with puffed out cheeks) do you want this card so you can lose weight?' With a smile I replied 'I'm ok thanks but my brother in law is a cosmetic surgeon, do you want his card to do something about your face?'(whilst doing a circular pointing motion) I then 'chipped and pinned,' and sashayed off on my fat little legs Grin
I love you.
Belledan1 · 23/10/2021 02:28

Years ago I had ivf in a private hospital. After I had come round I said to the nurse i am glad the egg collection over and just the wait now. She said well if it fails its god ways of telling you it's not natural. I wish I had reported her now but at the time I was a bit shocked and she was telling me a story too that her she sent money back to her home country for her ill mother so didnt want get get sack but thinking about it she shldnt be doing a job like that if felt like that. I dont think she actually worked for the ivf section of the hospital just like after care but still rude.

Namechangedforthethousandthtim · 23/10/2021 02:36

STOP! I was all set to think you were being unreasonable as some of these posta about people feeling uncomfortable are a bit precious, but this is outrageous! I'm so sorry. If you want to complain, you are definitely justified in doing so!

Maskless · 23/10/2021 02:59

Ask for a refund.

You paid for a pleasant, relaxing experience in which you would enjoy your body.

She did not deliver.

Summerfun54321 · 23/10/2021 07:48

Was she actually massaging you and insulting you at the same time!!!??? I don’t like the therapist to even chat while I have a massage, let alone insult me!! I would want a refund and compensation for the upset, you’re not meant to go for a massage and come out feeling worse!

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 07:54

I think the responses you’ve had tell you a lot. This was unacceptable. At best this was unsolicited and misguided advice, at worst you could follow the coffee diet and end up in hospital. Her daughter is also at risk of developing a really unhealthy relationship to her body and this is just the kind of thing that can trigger an eating disorder or at least disordered eating.

I’m glad you felt able to flag it up OP. That takes lots of courage. Thank you on behalf of women everywhere for doing that! Flowers

Lostmarbles2021 · 23/10/2021 07:59

Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

Respect. Awesome. Just the kind of thing that comes to you after the event but you managed it there and then.

Holly60 · 23/10/2021 08:13

Can I also add that what she has said is actually ridiculous. It is definitely her own insecurities showing up. If you want to loose weight for your health, go for it. But to say men don’t like bigger women is laughable. Men are attracted to women of all shapes and sizes for lots of different reasons. Any man you want to be with will ADORE you for who you are.

wheresmymojo · 23/10/2021 08:48

When I was 32 (and single) I had a breakdown and went into a private psych hospital for 2 months. When I came out, after a lot of comfort eating (and basically self medicating with food before the psych hospital) my Nan poked me in the side and said "No man's going to want you now you're this fat".

My now DH is a personal trainer who works out five times a week and has abs to die for.

He is very happily married to size 22 me and so he should be the lucky fucker.

He proposed to me when I was a size 18, I was a size 22 when we got married and he looked like the cat that had got the cream on both days.

People project their own shit onto others and that's what this massage therapist was doing.

Totally agree with PP - full refund needed here!

partyrings1 · 23/10/2021 08:56

This is awful.

Please do not let this woman upset you as hard as it is.

You are beautiful whether you are a size 8 or a size 28 and nobody has the right to speak of your weight.

Report her please, this is so damaging. Not only what she said to you that was extremely hurtful but her recommendation of living on coffee to fill you up. This is not healthy as you know.

The next person she says this to could end up with an eating disorder or may be in recovery from having an eating disorder.

Sending love to you OP x

partyrings1 · 23/10/2021 08:58

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

I had an encounter in my local supermarket, the woman before me at the checkout was talking to the cashier about how much weight she'd lost and handed over a card, I think it was for slimming pills or similar. I was very overweight at the time, and I knew what was coming after the cashier looked me up and down As I was packing my shopping she said 'that lady before you was as big as you (adopted a sumo wrestlers pose complete with puffed out cheeks) do you want this card so you can lose weight?' With a smile I replied 'I'm ok thanks but my brother in law is a cosmetic surgeon, do you want his card to do something about your face?'(whilst doing a circular pointing motion) I then 'chipped and pinned,' and sashayed off on my fat little legs Grin

You are a legend 👏🏻

LemonCake79 · 23/10/2021 09:06

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce Grin

doadeer · 23/10/2021 09:27

That is absolutely vile. I'm so sorry for you. You need to complain and never go back there.
I can't believe someone would be so insensitive and mean.

Londontown12 · 23/10/2021 09:29

Big hugs 🤗!! No wonder people feel so insecure with horrible people like this saying horrible stuff !! Feel sorry for her daughter as well !! Deffo report her and don’t let it get to u I know it’s hard easier said than done !!! Xxx

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