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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not post pictures of my partners sons face on fb?

57 replies

Beachbreak2411 · 22/10/2021 22:00

We’ve been together almost 4 years; he and his kids have known my dd for about 2 of those years. The kids get on brilliantly and we have lots of lovely days out (his dd doesn’t see him much now because of other commitments and he only sees his son 1 day a week). He got really angry with me tonight as when I put pictures on fb I don’t put his son on, or if I do I don’t put his face in. I thought I was being respectful. He says his family think I don’t care enough about his son. I intentionally only put pictures up where his face isn’t showing. Am
I being unreasonable not to post pictures of my boyfriends child? We don’t live together and won’t do because I can only afford to rent a 2 bed house for my daughter and I and he still lives with his mum (at 43) and his kids sleep on the floor of his room

OP posts:
GettingItOutThere · 22/10/2021 22:49

why are you even with him?!

regarding the pictures; You are very respectful towards the child and mother.

nimbuscloud · 22/10/2021 22:50

He will hit your 10 year old daughter some day. You have to leave him.

Thesearmsofmine · 22/10/2021 22:55

I think that Facebook thing is the least of the issues here. You can do better than him,

RampantIvy · 22/10/2021 22:58

I don't usually search previous posts, but I have on this one. Your boyfriend is nasty and abusive. Why on earth are you with him?

YourFinestPantaloons · 22/10/2021 23:00

@MilduraS

I think you're being very respectful of the child's mum. It's nice.
This
RobertaFirmino · 22/10/2021 23:03

Holy shit, I have just done an AS.

This man is a classic abuser. Have you heard the name Savannah Brockhill recently? Because this is the way things are heading. Are you really that desperate for male attention that you'll allow your own child near a person like THIS?

I couldn't give a shiny shite if I sound nasty. This needs saying.

Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 22/10/2021 23:13

Roberta.. thank you. I needed that. I will google her; but thank you for giving a shiny shit and telling me what I need to hear xx

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/10/2021 23:13

He sounds bloody awful. A shit boyfriend and a shit dad. And that's before what pp have said about him hitting you

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/10/2021 23:16

Oh and you sound lovely, you are being sensitive to his child's mother , you have your own place and your own money. Get rid of this awful waster of a 40 odd year old man who still lives with his mother and doesn't even have somewhere for his dc to sleep

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/10/2021 23:18

It has to do with him wanting to control me but not pay for anything.

Is this really a man you want to be with? Raise your bar.

You've been respectful of the situation. He hasn't.

He's a prick. It's that simple really.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/10/2021 23:21

If it upsets him, then you should include his son. On his time he gets to decide if his son's picture is on FB.

Wtf?! It's HER Facebook page not his. It's up to her if she wants to feature his son or not. I despair at the level of male control some people think is acceptable in a relationship.

He decides what HE puts on HIS Facebook during contact time, or other time. He has no say in what OP puts up and should see she is far more respectful and considering for not wanting to share his son on her Facebook.

Sounds like he wants to piss off his ex tbh and is annoyed OP isn't willing to use her partner's son to do so.

Arbitan · 22/10/2021 23:21

He sleeps in the bed and the kids sleep on the floor? I appreciate he might be in reduced circumstances but if needs must shouldn’t it be the other way round?

Arbitan · 22/10/2021 23:23

Oh, and on the Facebook front I don’t even post photos of my own kid, never mind anyone else’s. Not unreasonble.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/10/2021 23:23

Did an AS.

He makes me watch films that scare me and shouts at me if I try to hide my Eyes or read a book instead. He threw my book on the fire.

He then HIT YOU.

What the fuck are you thinking, keeping this man in your daughters life?!

Ledition · 22/10/2021 23:27

YANBU. If my husband moved on and had another partner I would HATE the idea of her plastering photos of my child on SM. I never put up photos of other children full stop. You were being very respectful IMO. He seems a bit daft - are you sure he's worth it?

Onestep2021 · 22/10/2021 23:30

Hi OP. What is happening? I’d love it if this could be a safe space for you share why you are locked into a relationship with this man and what stops you leaving. It must be hard, Otherwise you would have done it already.

Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 22/10/2021 23:37

@Onestep2021

Hi OP. What is happening? I’d love it if this could be a safe space for you share why you are locked into a relationship with this man and what stops you leaving. It must be hard, Otherwise you would have done it already.
Onestep.. thank you. He’s the closest thing to a father my daughter has ever had to a father though.
OP posts:
Pinkspecs · 22/10/2021 23:45

"Onestep.. thank you. He’s the closest thing to a father my daughter has ever had to a father though."

Better to have no father figure than an abusive one.
Would you like your daughter to think it's normal for men to be abusive? Because right now she does.
She's more likely to get involved with an abusive partner because by staying with him you are teaching her it's ok.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/10/2021 23:46

He’s the closest thing to a father my daughter has ever had to a father though.
Still one that hits her mum though. And scares you. And shouts at you. And literally sets fire to your belongings.

Is that relationship modelling you want her to take on board now and shape her expectations of relationships?

bunnybopbop · 22/10/2021 23:49

I'm sorry to be blunt, but why the fuck are you with this man??

It's in black and white

  • this man abuses you mentally and physically
  • he has HIT you
  • he has thrown your belongings on a fire
  • he calls you names and belittles you
  • he tries to control you
  • he makes his kids sleep on his bedroom floor.. on a duvet
  • he still lives with his mum at the grand old age of 43.

(I've read your previous post)

Get out of this relationship and run for the hills, if not for your sake. For the safety of your own.

He doesn't respect you. What if in years time he was making your daughter watch scary films, forcing her to watch them. Throwing her books on a fire. Dare I say, hitting her?

Please get out of this. You said you earn enough. You have your own place with DD and her only. Keep that place her safe place. Do NOT involve him in yours or her life anymore

Please :( he won't change. You deserve so much better and sound like a lovely respectable parent, and you consider other people feelings (not putting his son on fb)

Consider your own and your daughters. You deserve better x

WorraLiberty · 22/10/2021 23:51

Onestep.. thank you. He’s the closest thing to a father my daughter has ever had to a father though.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but how bloody dare you!

Don't try to drag your daughter into this. He's not her father or even the closest thing to one. He's an abusive prick, brought into her life by you because you are choosing a relationship with him - not her.

You are supposed to be her protector and yet you're exposing her to this abusive wanker for your own gain.

Think about it and then dump him for her sake.

Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 22/10/2021 23:58

He’s asleep in my bed and I want him not here after reading your messages

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 23/10/2021 00:03

No, he's NOT the 'closest thing to a father'. He's a far from a true father figure as you can get. A father would not treat a child's mother the way this man treats you. He's just a man who comes round and is mean to her mother. Is this really what you want modeled for your daughter as a 'father'?

He doesn't live with you. There are no financial 'ties'. All it would take would be a phone call or text saying "This isn't working for me anymore. I wish you well in the future. Please do not contact me".

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/10/2021 00:06

@Beachbreak2411

He’s asleep in my bed and I want him not here after reading your messages
Off he fucks tomorrow then.

What's the housing situation? Is it your place? His? Both?

AcrossthePond55 · 23/10/2021 00:07

@Beachbreak2411

He’s asleep in my bed and I want him not here after reading your messages
Leave him be for now. In the morning, find a reason for him to be gone and get him out of the house 'nicely'. Do not confront him or start any kind of discussion. Then wait an hour or so and send him the text I suggested.
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