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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a large dog breed meet up isn't the place for small children?

72 replies

Stitchybitch79 · 21/10/2021 23:36

(My second dog related post in two days!)

My dog is a well known and popular larger breed.

I booked dog into a meet up for this breed a few days ago. One of those enclosed field affairs, where they let them run, play etc.

My dog is a bit scared of children. She's never hurt one and gets on fine with children known to me, but I'd never leave her alone with them (obviously), and I don't let children she doesn't know stroke her as she is nervous around them and I'd rather be safe than sorry, if one hurt or scared her even by accident and she instinctively snapped or even growled, I'd feel terrible!

Anyway I got to this meet and several small children were there. It was at night, so dark (lit with some purposeful lamps) and I didn't dare let my dog off. Children were running about amidst the dogs, or on the sidelines, away from the adults, andI just didn't feel confident.

I left after a few minutes. :(

I felt that;

1)Fights happen at these events, It's inevitable with dogs that don't know one another well. I've see one or two at every breed meet up I've been to. Rarely serious and owners tend to just split them up and all is fine within a few minutes but, if a child gets caught in the crossfire or approaches an agitated dog even once they've separated, potential for a bad incident.

  1. This is a LARGE breed. They can knock a grown man over, a small child who gets in the way of them playing has no chance!

3)Taking small children to an event with loads of dogs whose temperaments you really have no way of knowing about? Just irresponsible IMO.

I was actually quite upset to have to come away, I've not been to one for ages and was looking forward to it. It's a great way to socialise dogs and it is a breed renowned for poor recall (although mine has good recall, a lot of this breed owners dont ever let them off lead because of this, apart from at events like this one).

AIBU? Am I just bitter as I couldn't stay? I love dogs and It's generally a lot of fun watching them play happily together with their own sorts.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 22/10/2021 19:16

Unless an event was specifically no children, I'd not assume a child free environment, but I'm also skeptical about some of these events too. A well socialised dog playing with others and under appropriate control is one thing, but having seen some meets near me it seems like a free for all under thr label of 'socialisation'.

A social event for dog owners and their pet is very different to an event that's catering to dog owners who want their non-child-friendly pet to have off lead exercise.

I understand why you were disappointed but it sounds like your idea if what the group is for is different to other owners.

Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 19:22

Yes, it is my fault as I havebeen to loads of these and never seen a child at them. I guess it was just coincidental. I don't think I'd personally take a child to one just because, well It's a big open space, in this case it was dark, and with 20plus dogs you can't watch carefully nor possibly guarantee the temperament of all of them.

But some obviously think differently.

They are definitely a sort of free for all, let your dog run about with others sort of thing.

OP posts:
porites · 22/10/2021 19:28

I have a large dog breed and go to breed events where dogs are off lead e.g. walks/summer fun days. I am LESS worried about kids there than day to day walking as I know the kids are used to the breed, and will not cry if they do get knocked over!

Unforgettablefire · 22/10/2021 19:31

I think the unreasonable ones are the ones letting their kids run about around strange dogs. Have the parents no common sense?
You did the right thing leaving it’s too big a risk to your dog physically and mentally.
Kids shouldn’t be at these events unless they’re controlled or old enough to respect animals.

Chelyanne · 22/10/2021 19:42

Fights between dogs should not be inevitable, poor control imo

hotmeatymilk · 22/10/2021 19:43

The easiest way is to start training her a long distance away from a kids playpark (on the lead of course). If she doesn't show any signs of stress slowly move closer.
Read this from the POV of a person usually inside the kids playground and it sounds incredibly creepy. Grin

YANBU, OP. That does not sound like the right environment for dogs or children.

Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 19:49

@hotmeatymilk

The easiest way is to start training her a long distance away from a kids playpark (on the lead of course). If she doesn't show any signs of stress slowly move closer. Read this from the POV of a person usually inside the kids playground and it sounds incredibly creepy. Grin

YANBU, OP. That does not sound like the right environment for dogs or children.

Funnily enough It's exactly what a dog trainer told me she would do when I got in touch with one, hang about outside schools at drop off/pick up times to get her used to kids. Didn't happen as was just before the pandemic :(
OP posts:
Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 19:49

@Unforgettablefire

I think the unreasonable ones are the ones letting their kids run about around strange dogs. Have the parents no common sense? You did the right thing leaving it’s too big a risk to your dog physically and mentally. Kids shouldn’t be at these events unless they’re controlled or old enough to respect animals.
That was my thoughts. I guess owners would be in trouble if one was knocked flying and got hurt.
OP posts:
Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 19:50

@porites

I have a large dog breed and go to breed events where dogs are off lead e.g. walks/summer fun days. I am LESS worried about kids there than day to day walking as I know the kids are used to the breed, and will not cry if they do get knocked over!
That also makes sense I guess!
OP posts:
Oswina · 22/10/2021 19:51

What on earth is the appeal of owning a massive, difficult breed of dog that can't be let off the lead? Let alone meeting up with other massive difficult dogs!

DP works in security and has a massive German shepherd that he patrols with. German is a softie with people, but knows when to do the Big Barks to scare people off. He is a guard dog, if someone ever broke into the house and tried to attack us or anything, you aren't getting past that dog... The bark alone would put you off entering the property.

EvilPea · 22/10/2021 19:52

I would expect children there. However I’d expect them to be on a tight rein and not allowed to run riot with a bunch of unknown dogs.

Oswina · 22/10/2021 19:53

He can't be let off the lead though on walks as he isn't friendly with other animals, including dogs. He has had some dog friends in the past but that's where they are introduced properly, not random dogs on walks. He is muzzled on walks. There is an barn area you can book to have sole use off to have off-lead.

EvilPea · 22/10/2021 19:57

I’m so envious of all you big dog owners.
They really are the best, with massive brown eyes that see straight into your soul and you there’s.

We rent but I’d have a big dog in a heartbeat if we didn’t.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/10/2021 19:58

With my dog behaviour hat on...

These meet ups are rarely good for dogs anyway, whilst its nice for OWNERS to see their dogs interacting and playing, actually for many dogs (even those who never get into fights), its really likely to be quite stressful.

What looks like play to most people can often be a kind of ritualized 'sussing each other out' which is fraught with tension and the potential for misunderstanding.

In some cases it is just one dog chasing and bullying another (or indeed, several dogs chasing and bullying others) which can easily look like play and a wild game of chase.. but is often pretty unpleasant for some of the dogs involved.

i would NEVER recommend an owner take dogs to such an event, the benefit is purely to owners, the risk of fights is high, the risk of stress is really high, the risk of dogs actually learning to behave in ways you don't want is pretty high.

Add small children into the mix and its a disaster waiting to happen!

If you need to socialise your dogs with other dogs (and if your dog is reactive or scared, then you need to at least get them to a point where they can be comfortable around and not reacting, able to listen to you and not stressed, even if you DON'T actually need them to play and be off lead etc), then the way to do it is slowly, at a distance, lots of treats to counter condition and then advance to walking with (again at a distance) other dogs one on one, gradually decreasing distance and building up a circle of doggy 'friendships' that are based on 'we are cool within one anothers space' rather than 'wild crazy play'.

If your dog already is social and has friends but can't go off lead, just arrange to hire a secure field with a friend or two, rather than a huge group of strangers!

Oswina · 22/10/2021 20:06

massive brown eyes that see straight into your soul and you there’s.

That is a beautiful thing about them. Our dog seems to mostly have no concept he's so big Grin he is liable to sit on you like a lap-dog and look affronted if you complain! One of the first things he does in the morning after his walk (DP often up and back from walk while I'm still in bed) is run upstairs and lay on top of me like I'm a cushion and stare at me and tell me I now have to get up basically. He's so heavy but so cuddly and earnest that you always feel bad if you make him get off. He gives the best cuddles.

Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 20:08

@EvilPea

I would expect children there. However I’d expect them to be on a tight rein and not allowed to run riot with a bunch of unknown dogs.
Yes, that would have probably been fine. One of the smallest ones was playing around at the other side of the field from all the adults, on their own with all the dogs running around, when I first arrived there. The organisers are lovely people but perhaps a tad naive?
OP posts:
underneaththeash · 22/10/2021 20:14

I don't think you should even own a dog that isn't good with children. (and we have a dog).
What would happen if you fell or you dropped the lead?

Suzi888 · 22/10/2021 20:15

I used to go to a licensed dog play park, all types of breeds and when DD was old enough I took her with me. There was an enclosed child’s play area, cafe etc. It never crossed my mind not to take her, my dog needed to exercise in a safe environment where I knew staff were around to intervene. DD was used to large breed Akita’s and Labradors so was used to being knocked over. You weren’t allowed in the midst of the doggy fun, you had to stand around the perimeter.
In all the years I went there was never a dog fight- well no actual biting anyway.

Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 20:16

@underneaththeash

I don't think you should even own a dog that isn't good with children. (and we have a dog). What would happen if you fell or you dropped the lead?
Nothing, probably. She's afraid of children, not a child killing machine. I am just exceptionally careful I suppose.
OP posts:
Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 20:18

@Suzi888

I used to go to a licensed dog play park, all types of breeds and when DD was old enough I took her with me. There was an enclosed child’s play area, cafe etc. It never crossed my mind not to take her, my dog needed to exercise in a safe environment where I knew staff were around to intervene. DD was used to large breed Akita’s and Labradors so was used to being knocked over. You weren’t allowed in the midst of the doggy fun, you had to stand around the perimeter. In all the years I went there was never a dog fight- well no actual biting anyway.
That would be fine with me too, but it is very different to small kids running about amidst them all.

I've only ever seen blustery dominance never seen any blood drawn etc, I was more thinking if a child got in the way and a dog turned and snapped, even catching a child with its teeth could cause an injury, not necessarily an actual bite.

OP posts:
PigeonLittle · 22/10/2021 20:18

Cant you arrange your own meet without children? I'm sure people will be sympathetic

Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 20:19

@PigeonLittle

Cant you arrange your own meet without children? I'm sure people will be sympathetic
As I've said above I just don't think It's possible. The organiser of this one lives near me and covers this area. I work odd shifts so couldn't commit to certain days of the week for field hire etc. :( I hve considered most angles I think. Having read through the replies however I am rethinking whether this sort of thing is a good idea anyway.
OP posts:
Suzi888 · 22/10/2021 20:32

No, I agree they shouldn’t be running with the dogs. It does sound like a bit of a disaster waiting to happen. Are the organisers covered on insurance? I think where I went it was ‘at your own risk’ type wording.

I can see why you would be nervous. Your dog sounds lovely.

LolaSmiles · 22/10/2021 20:50

They are definitely a sort of free for all, let your dog run about with others sort of thing
If they're like that then children being present are the least of your worries. Those sorts of environments are not helpful for most dogs and are more about the owners than the dogs

Original poster
Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 20:53

@Suzi888

No, I agree they shouldn’t be running with the dogs. It does sound like a bit of a disaster waiting to happen. Are the organisers covered on insurance? I think where I went it was ‘at your own risk’ type wording.

I can see why you would be nervous. Your dog sounds lovely.

Thank you And yes to lola and others I'm beginning to rethink it all now. Massively outing myself here so going to NC shortly but here's a few of my dog, 2 playing with my friends 15 year old. She is a lovely dog generally and gives a lot back to me always. ozwina yours sound amazing :)
OP posts: