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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Father unaware of covid risks

32 replies

MrsCmumof5 · 21/10/2021 23:30

Hi,mum of 5 , my dad is visiting at least twice a week he doesn’t wash hands or flush toilet and seems to be visiting any place he can (we are opposite) (youngest has asthma and always catching things etc)we know covid is about and he doesnt seem to care ( double vaccinated) he doesnt seem to care about our concerns etc and only cares about passing the time until he visits someone else!
Am i being u reasonable when i say i dont want him visiting??

OP posts:
SeasonalNamechange · 21/10/2021 23:36

nearly 2 years in and you are now saying he can't visit?

parietal · 21/10/2021 23:40

was he visiting all through the previous lockdowns?

also, covid is airborne. washing hands doesn't make any difference to covid (but does for stomach bugs).

why suddenly stop visits now?

Original poster
MrsCmumof5 · 21/10/2021 23:43

No we have not allowed any visits ay all but he had a few negative tests pcr and felt bad not allowing him inside but he doesnt give a toss about our health!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsCmumof5 · 21/10/2021 23:46

We have not allowed him inside through all of lockdown! Garden or talking at window ! But he knows how we worry about kids - he visits any pub or house he can !

OP posts:
SeasonalNamechange · 21/10/2021 23:47

you say he's fully vaccinated

do you not work, kids go to school? you can't hide away forever

Original poster
MrsCmumof5 · 21/10/2021 23:50

Lol 😂 we work and are very careful kids go to school etc but is it normal for a grown man not to realy care about catching covid or about personal hygiene?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2021 23:50

Are you home schooling your chindrrn?

Original poster
MrsCmumof5 · 21/10/2021 23:51

No lol !

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2021 23:51

Cross posted and also I can’t spell.

Your kids are most at risk of catching Covid in the classroom.

Subjectivist · 21/10/2021 23:52

He goes to pubs and peoples houses? So things he has every right to do then!.....im confused

SeasonalNamechange · 21/10/2021 23:55

have you never addressed the hand washing/toilet flushing before?

Sprostongreen21 · 21/10/2021 23:58

Most people I know that have caught covid caught or from their kids via school. Your dad isn’t any more of a risk tbh.
I would tell him about hand washing though it takes 30 seconds and helps with hygiene

LittleBearPad · 22/10/2021 00:00

The hand washing and loo flushing is not great regardless of covid. The rest YABU

middleager · 22/10/2021 00:03

Yes, I think YABVU and I feel sorry for him.

You have 5 kids and kids at school, which is the biggest risk of all.

Agree that he needs to wash hands after the toilet though!

Onthelowdown · 22/10/2021 00:09

Not washing hands or flushing are both independently unforgivable even without covid. Horrible.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 22/10/2021 00:27

It doesn’t sound like this is actually about his Covid risk, it’s about his personal hygiene when using the toilet. I guarantee your kids are 8n contact with more germs at school because half the kids (being optimistic probably higher) won’t wash their hands at all and definitely not for 30 seconds, scrubbing with soap. They’ll also be in contact a lot while playing.

TheSandgroper · 22/10/2021 01:16

My df is 87. When he comes to stay and goes to the toilet and doesn’t immediately turn right into the bathroom after, I do bellow at him. He will wash before meals etc, just not after each wee.

So, I bellow from wherever I am and he does what he is told. I don’t want to do it but needs must.

milkyaqua · 22/10/2021 04:09

Anyone who has ever experienced a serious asthma attack would not be telling you you are being unreasonable (although one will be along to say the opposite in a moment, from past experience). The complacency on here is incredible. Protect your family as you see fit, I say.

JustLyra · 22/10/2021 05:12

I wouldn't have someone that doesn't flush the toilet or wash their hands visit. That's grim.

caketiger · 22/10/2021 05:18

@MrsCmumof5

Hi,mum of 5 , my dad is visiting at least twice a week he doesn’t wash hands or flush toilet and seems to be visiting any place he can (we are opposite) (youngest has asthma and always catching things etc)we know covid is about and he doesnt seem to care ( double vaccinated) he doesnt seem to care about our concerns etc and only cares about passing the time until he visits someone else! Am i being u reasonable when i say i dont want him visiting??
Just wanted to say in totally understand what you are saying. I'm in the CEV group and we are still shielding. Just because the government has abandoned all logical precautions doesn't mean its all over.

I realised very early on that unless you or someone you love is in that group then you don't understand what it's like to be wary of covid

PjsOn · 22/10/2021 05:24

How do you know he doesn't wash his hands? Do you stand outside the door listening? Like others said your children are a much bigger risk, they are around a lot of children in close proximity all day everyday, if they were going to catch it it'd probably be from there. If you don't want him to visit say no, you seem to be trying to find excuses.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/10/2021 05:36

Two separate things here.

The hand washing: You don't know if anyone you invite into your house is doing this. They might, they might not. As a PP said there are probably a high number of children at school with your DC who don't wash their hands after going to the loo.

Your dad going places: This is allowed and is what many people are doing. I have asthma but am going to pubs, restaurants, cinema, other peoples homes etc. I am living life as your DF is.

Have you had other people to visit or have you put your life on hold indefinitely? I'm not sure I would shut my own DF out of my life for the things you have mentioned.

NeonTetras · 22/10/2021 06:54

I'd tell him he should be ashamed of himself - he's your father, if you can't be honest with him, who can you be honest with?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/10/2021 07:06

It's grim not to wash your hands and flush after using the toilet but since Covid is airborne you wouldn't catch it that way.

He is perfectly allowed to go to the pub and YABU for judging that.

It's normal for some people to not care about catching Covid, yes. I don't care if I catch it, I've already had it and don't care if I get it again. I wash my hands for hygiene reasons, not Covid reasons.

AlexaShutUp · 22/10/2021 07:13

Given that your children are in school, it seems pretty pointless to limit contact with your father. You're already so exposed.

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