To let puppy break up marriage?

[NameChanged4This47]

Bit of back story, 4 years ago, I asked DH if we could discuss having another child. DH completely shut down conversation and said if I wanted another child it would have to be with someone else. I was upset-both because he refused to discuss and the comment about someone else. We’ve been together almost 20 years. If we’d discussed and came to decision together not to have another child, that would have been fine with me. He’s not a big talker but I think he realised how upset I was and suggested as compromise we could get puppy as he knew I’d always wanted a dog.

He put it off but we got a dog earlier this year. Pup is amazing. I love him and kids do too. But he’s a handful! I agreed I’d do most of the handling etc and I don’t mind that at all. But recently DH is getting really stressed out being around dog and has told me tonight he’s scared of him (he’s a very small dog, but can be a bit snappy). DH wants to rehome but DCs are breaking their hearts and so am I, along with the fact that it feels like it’s another thing where DH has basically got his own way.

DH over the years has become more anxious about a lot of stuff and this is definitely channeled towards the dog at the moment, we both have stressful jobs, life is busy etc. We have been bickering a lot too recently-about this and generally me feeling like he’s being quite selfish. He says he won’t change and he can’t change the way he feels. He’s a good dad and helps out round the house etc. But this feels like the straw that might ultimately break us :(

What can I do here? I just want things to improve for all of us!

[Hopeisallineed]

There’s some batshit people on here, for sure. 🙄

[BudrosBudrosGalli]

Keep the dog and get rid of the H!

[MarleneDietrichsSmile]

And there is another one!

[Horst]

The fact op hasn’t given the age of the dog this is likely to be well out of Norma puppy teething biting or just being a chewy dog. I mean we only have 2 months of the year left this could be a nearly year old dog that’s snapping. Not biting or chewing. Snapping. Big difference.

[Hopeisallineed]

I think that’s the point l, use of the term ‘snapping’ implies at big problem to me and no puppies of mine ‘snapped’.

[Greenmarmalade]

• What an ignorant comment .
  
  This dog can't be just standard puppy bitey to be having this much of an impact*
  
  I don’t know- we’ve found it hard with ours. All puppies keep you very busy.
  
  I understand training is essential, I just mean it’s a long process and it doesn’t sound like DH is up for that. I assume they are doing training, as I am, but our dog isn’t ‘trained’ yet - a yea later. It’s a process. She’s much better than she was, though!

[Bythemillpond]

Love for the dog will be better for OP's children than love from their father? Really? You actually think that

Absolutely batshit claim

Depends on the father

[Hopeisallineed]

@Bythemillpond or the dog?

[CoolOven]

I don't think being scared of a snappy dog is selfish at all

Agreed. I'd be bloody anxious if I was constantly on edge in my own home.

[GreyhoundG1rl]

@Bythemillpond

Love for the dog will be better for OP's children than love from their father? Really? You actually think that

Absolutely batshit claim

Depends on the father

Oh, give over . Op was happy to have another child with this man, and describes him as a good Dad.
You obviously have your own issues which are not applicable here.

[WickedWitchOfTheTrent]

Depends on the age of the puppy, most dogs are biters when young, they explore the world through their mouths. Also take it to puppy classes and also get a dog trainer

Otherwise I'd regime the dh

[WickedWitchOfTheTrent]

Rehome

[VillageOf8]

Just because you already have kids doesn't mean you can't want more. However when it comes to actual living, breathing kids I think it's either 2 yeses or complete no. Why bring a baby here if one parent isn't totally on board? Why bring a baby here if one parent had mental health issues?

If you don't want to be with him anymore, that's fine. You don't have to stay with someone just because you have kids. But marriage counseling may be appropriate first.

Also, if he's anxious, he needs to see someone. It's not the woman's job to manage the man's anxiety and emotions. He's an adult and can get help for any mental health issues that may be there. You should demand it. You're his wife and have every right to expect him to manage his mental health.

Also, train that snappy dog. I wouldn't want a snappy dog in my home either.

[FlippinFedUp21]

People who think parents are so easily dispensable out of their children's lives, over such trivial issues such as a new puppy, really need to think about what they're saying. That a child would love a puppy more than their own dad (who, by OP's own comments, is a good one).

OP you seem very fixated that you didn't have a conversation with your DH about another baby. Actually, you did have a conversation (in which he told you, point blank) that he didn't want another child. He refused to engage in further conversation simply because that's how he feels about it (and what would be the point in saying anything further?) I really don't want to sound harsh, but I think the reason you wanted to continue the conversation was to be able to talk him round to the idea. You should have respected his view from the start.

You have two DC already and it's never a good idea to bring a child into the world where one parent isn't happy with the decision. Try to be happy with what you have and see how lucky you are. I would think very carefully before ending your marriage over this issue.

[FlippinFedUp21]

"Also, if he's anxious, he needs to see someone. It's not the woman's job to manage the man's anxiety and emotions. He's an adult and can get help for any mental health issues that may be there."

Couldn't agree more with this, well said @VillageOf8

[Hopeisallineed]

It may not be the ‘woman’s job’ but I have anxiety and my husband is extremely kind and caring about it, if we had a dog who was making me more anxious for whatever reason, we would sit down and work out how to deal with that. If that included re-homing then I’m sure he would be up for that discussion because he loves me and doesn’t want me uncomfortable in my own home. Nothing to do with it being a ‘woman’s job’ or a partners job, everything to do with supporting and caring for one another in a loving relationship.

[Pugdogmom]

Yes there is normal puppy behaviour in biting, however it's the very first thing that I trained out of my puppy ,that you don't bite human skin. It's pretty easy to do. Get a force free trainer.
Encourage your partner to seek help with his MH issues.

[Hopeisallineed]

@Pugdogmom it’s snapping, not biting. They are not the same. Lots of puppies bite or ‘mouth’.

[Pugdogmom]

@ Hopeisallineed
Pugdogmom it’s snapping, not biting. They are not the same. Lots of puppies bite or ‘mouth
I am referring to the Post, where the OP says that she described it to her vet and he said that this was " normal " puppy behaviour, unless she has described it differently to her vet than she has here. I am training to be a certified dog trainer, and have had people tell me their dog is snapping, sometimes they are, other times it is normal puppy biting. Hard to know without seeing it in action.
Either way, that puppy needs training, and should have been dealt with well before now, which is why I suggested a FF trainer. It gets harder to retrain a dog who has learned unwanted behaviours, but needs to be done ASAP.

[sillysmiles]

@Hopeisallineed just because she does all that handling, doesn't mean she should be doing all the handling.
He could have started to get to know the puppy and work on some of the training when the puppy was small. The dog is going to be part of their lives for up to 15 yrs....so he thought never even being able to get the dog to sit for him would be a good life strategy?

[Hopeisallineed]

He didn’t want the dog, sounds like he never wanted it and he’s actually scared of it so not sure he wants anything to do with it by the sound of it, let alone teaching it to sit @sillysmiles