How to politely say no to this friend

[HowToGrowASpine]

A friend of mine has recently been telling me about these new dietary drinks she's been taking and I've noticed she's now aggressively promoting them on all her social media pages. She mentions them to me every time we meet up which is a few times a week.

I initially feigned interest 'that sounds interesting, I'll have a think about it', and after further prompting I informed her of a minor medical ailment which I didn't want to impact by taking any new supplements. A few days later she thrust her phone in my face from a webpage saying it was perfectly healthy for this ailment, but later when I googled it I found more articles (from more reputable sources) advising against taking them saying they could be damaging.

I'm a little upset my friend keeps pressing me on this despite my obvious health concerns, as she would no doubt have seen the scores of negative press around this, but was still happy to try to force them onto me. I've never been into diet fads and don't complain to my friends about my weight or needing to lose weight, so it's not like I baited this onslaught.

I want to politely ask my friend to stop pressing me on this but in a way so not to hurt her feelings as she's quite a sensitive person. I value this friendship and really enjoy her company, but lately I dread going over and facing this high pressure sales pitch type environment.

I have issues being assertive so welcome any advice you can give me.

Thank you.

Next time she mentions it (and she will) just say ‘thank you for thinking of me, but I’m not interested’ and if she says anything again, just respond with ‘thank you, I’ll let you know if I change my mind’ and just reiterate that. She will get the message.

People are really pushy with MLMs

I’ve recently had to fight really hard against a neighbour whose Dd is selling Tropic. The usual “no sorry I can’t make it” or “I’m just being a bit careful with money” didn’t work!

I want to politely ask my friend to stop pressing me on this but in a way so not to hurt her feelings as she's quite a sensitive person

Ah.

Is this, by any chance, that very special breed of 'sensitivity' that only works one way?

Because your pal doesn't seem sensitive to your refusal, & she's certainly not too sensitive to keep pushing, despite those refusals.

The only way to go is to be unequivocal, & NEVER get drawn into argument. Do not JADE - outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain -
because any dialogue will just be used to extend the sales pitch.

"Friend, it's just not something I want to do but thanks for asking" & change the subject.
Then put that phrase on repeat (the Broken Record technique) & keep trotting it out until she finally gets it & shuts up. It will feel awkward & artificial at first - but I promise you it gets easier.

And every time you assert yourself, you strengthen your powers of assertion. May I suggest you buy yourself a present? - this is an oldie but damn goodie - www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

Some people are irredeemably ghastly, & your neighbour is a ghoul.
If I'd been with you I would have wanted to punch her in the face.

I am so sorry you had to endure that level of crass fuckwittery xx

@SpindelWhorl

Sensitive? You mean moody, brittle, precious?

Perfect, Spindel!

I have to say - there is no polite way to say no to her that she will actually hear. Everything you've said - the relentless pushing, the social media - well it is MLM (Multi Level Marketing). It's like Avon or Tupperware parties on steroids. She's been recruited to sell these supplements. The way these companies operate is quite cult-like - she has been convinced to evangelise constantly about the product, to both make sales and recruit others. Right now, she's less your friend and more a parasite, looking to relieve you of both your money and your free will (I'm only half-kidding about the free will). It's important that you realise this. The person you're talking to looks like your friend, has all your friend's memories and mannerisms, but right now she is under the influence of something outside herself and she will prioritise THAT over you and your mutual friendship. Keep that in mind!

Two possibilities to consider.

One. Next time she pushes this crap on you, you look her in the eye and say quietly but firmly 'Stop it. I need you to stop pushing this product onto me. I need you to listen to me when I say no.' When she keeps pushing you (and she will) then you go into Broken Record Mode and keep saying 'You're not listening. I said no.' to everything she says. No variation. No engagement with her arguments. Just - 'you're not listening. I said no'. Once she realises you're not going to shift (which is why you have to be really repetitive to the point where you feel you're the unreasonable one) she has to drop it. Or flounce. Either way, it hammers the message to her that you will no longer accept sitting there being marketed to.

Two. Allow yourself to be visibly upset with her. Say something like 'When I said I'll think about it I was being polite. Since then you keep pushing this product on me as if I'm your target and not your friend. I find it really upsetting. I do not want this product. I will never want it, and I have tried and tried to let you know that, but you're so intent on getting me to use it that you've ignored that. So I'm telling you now - this is upsetting me. And I need you to stop.' Allow yourself to be upset in front of her, because she is upsettign you, and she needs to know that.

"No, thank you" is all you need to say. You don't need to explain yourself.

"Are you telling me I'm fat? [shocked]"

Your friend is basically saying your fat and need diet drinks and your worried about hurting her feelings?
She's not a friend she sees you as a customer.

As pp has said, the MLMs work by encouraging sellers to live and breathe the products and to interpret 'no, I don't want it' as 'I've not realised that I want it yet'. So there is a good chance that until your friend exits this company she will talk about it more and more.

A lot of the companies also tell their 'team' that the secret of being really successful lies on being positive and getting rid of any negative energy around them. Anyone who challenges the company, the products or their techniques is classed as a negative influence.

Depending how far in your friend is, if enough of her friends just change the subject and/or repeat a firm no thanks every time she raises the subject of the product she may well realise for herself that it's not for her. If she's further in to it, you may lose her for a while.

I know a few people who have been conned in to joining MLM schemes when their DC were small. Some became entirely insufferable and bullish for a while (despite previously having been lovely, rational and sensitive people) then seem to have got the message (they stopped their involvement and never mention it now). Others seem to have bought in to it all and moved from one MLM to another

"No matter what you tell me about this product, I will not be buying it, so please don't ask me about it again.'

Been there (MLM) done it, got the t-shirt and escaped.

Im afraid many posters are correct. Your friend has joined the cult and until she finds her way out all her friends and relatives are potential customers.

I think you will have to tell her that if she persists it will be at the cost of your friendship.

I've reached a point with one friend where I told her that I made it a principle not to engaged in MLM. She got quite huffy at the time, but I notice she has stopped doing it so I assume she realised eventually what a scam it was.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

She's not that sensitive, is she.

"I'm really not interested in this, please stop trying to sell to me! I'm finding it quite hurtful and off-putting."

This. ^

@HowToGrowASpine Problem is though OP, people who are obsessed with/hooked into MLMs just won't quit. A few people I know have lost quite a number of friends because of their pushiness, and rambling on about their bloody great new product!

I have given a wide berth (this past 7-10 months) to FOUR different women I know who have been completely sucked in by Body Shop Online. They are OBSESSED, and fill their facebook page with posts cooing over it.

And I have had around TWENTY invitations from the 4 of them over the period of 7-10 months. In the end I had to go onto my facebook page and block them from private messaging me, or sending ANY invitations for ANYthing.

Some other women have sucked in too, and are all ooh-ing and ahh-ing and 'hunning' about all the products, and the fact that the person selling the product has got a 'gold star certificate' for roping in another ten mugs people to join in with the con MLM. And other similar bullshit things..........

That's another thing HowToGrowASpine this 'friend' will be trying to rope you in to her MLM next!

To be honest, I'd be thinking of ghosting her by now.

Your mistake.was.saying that you'd think about it! Next time, say no thanks, I don't want to.

You’ve thought about it and it’s not for you. If she doesn’t accept this, she doesn’t see you as a friend rather a source of income. You don’t need friends like this.

Just say that you are not interested in these things.. There used to be a few women in my village doing stuff like this. Always posting on fb, and banging on about drinks and diet stuff. After a couple of months, they all disappeared

Did some work for Herbalife once, what a con that is. Ground up old fruit and veg and other rubbish, and people hooked in to sell it. Shocking. Hope you can sort things with your friend but I wouldn't be surprised if you have to wait until the riches she has been promised don't materialise.

“It’s not for me thanks”.

"Stop trying to poison me with this shit!" tends to spell it out rather clearly...

No thanks, i'm quite happy as I am. Nothing else for it.

Why are you trying to be sensitive when your friend is being an annoying bitch? No means No but you need to say it firmly and make sure she knows your No is final. Stop thinking about her feelings and think of your own.

I always think these people stop being friends when they see you as a cash cow to make money from for themselves, Seen it so many times over the years,

Tell her that someone else offered you this and you tried it and it tasted horrible and made you vomit.

Definitely a MLM also known as a pyramid scheme. You need to be firm, they will go to great lengths to sell their stuff. A few years ago I had recently gave birth to dd, a friend of a friend I had met several times asked if she could visit me to see dd . I agreed, she turned up with a trolley of beauty products and a bottle of green stuff she expected me to drink as it was "perfect for a new mum". I sent her packing!