To be tee total for no real reason

[itsme189]

I'm in my twenties, married, bought a house etc so I am a lot more settled down than a lot of my friends. They are still living with friends going out getting wasted etc. Not that either way is better i'm the odd one out haha!

I used to go out and drink maybe once a month and get drunk but I have never been like black out drunk or sick etc.

I never drink at home I just don't like it, tend to drive to a lot of events as I like to be able to leave whenever I want. The only times I drink are when I go out with friends and they regularly want to do bottomless brunch etc.

Since lockdown I just don't like it anymore it gives me a headache and a really dry throat (weird). I can have as much fun or more without drinking. I know that if they pressure me they aren't my friends etc. But I worry that I will just stop being invited to things drinking things. I enjoy going out, going to brunch etc just not the drink. Would you still invite someone who doesn't drink on nights out etc?

I quit drinking in my early twenties (although with reason!), and never had any problems on nights out. I had just as much fun as anyone else, got up to just as much mischief, and when people made comments about me being "boring" for not drinking, I would just point out that I was doing all the same things as them, but didn't need to be drunk to do them. Which actually made me more hardcore than them.

And my god, but is life better without hangovers! Been nearly twenty years now, but I still feel thankful that I will never have to have another hangover.

I think you are overthinking this massively. There are many cultures where alcohol is not a part of life at all. By that reasoning, all of your muslim friends and colleagues should be worried about never being invited out to brunch? Surely you've been to restaurants and parties with people who don't drink and it didn't affect your view of them? If you're more worried about "friends" who will change their view of you once you go from drinker to non-drinker then they were definitely not friends in first place. A lot of people with hidden alcohol problems will place undue pressure on other people to drink but this has nothing at all to do with you, and probably better if you distanced yourself from them.

I've also been tee total my entire life. Initially due to emetophobia as I was afraid i'd be sick after drinking but later realised I also don't tolerate it well and I don't like the taste. I never once felt like I was excluded from a social event or made to feel less fun because I didn't drink. As mentioned earlier, there was only one time someone made a snide comment about me not drinking (a friend of my parents in law, hence nobody I care about anyway) and it later transpired he's a functional alcoholic. So yeah.

It’s unreasonable to give up alcohol, whether you have a good reason or not. It’s not mandatory.

I personally like a drink, nothing over the top these days, but I like getting Merry occasionally or going to a nice bar or pub with a good atmosphere. Rarely drink in the house and if I do, usually one evening a week and then only a couple.

I’m not a fan of total abstinence. Everything in moderation.

Sorry that should say not unreasonable!

I used to drink a lot in my late teens and most of my twenties, but gradually lost the taste for it. I obviously gave up when going through ten years of ttc, and never went back to it, so I have drunk only occasionally (few times a year) for the past 20 odd years. Nobody would know, though, as I still enjoy myself just as much and people still want to invite me to things! Maybe it’s just that the goal of going out for my friends isn’t to end up drunk, but to have fun, and for us, that’s never equated to not being able to stand up, so it doesn’t matter if I’m drinking gin or just tonic.

I have been tee total all my life - never had more than a sip of alcohol and certainly never been drunk!

I have no particular reason except that I don't like the taste of alcohol and I don't like the one idea of being drunk. I've been reaffirmed in this since by seeing a few friends develop quite serious and scary alcohol dependences, but this isn't the original reason.

Do what you want. If someone asks you just shrug and say you don't want to. Full stop. I drink but I have a couple of friends who don't. They are very much invited to everything and they are very social!

You have a reason. You just don't want to drink alcohol and that's a reason in itself.

I'm much the same although would have the odd glass of wine if I was specifically going out for drinks and didn't need to drive. Haven't had a drink since last Christmas though.
Do what YOU want!!! You won't stop being invited if people value your friendship

There are lots of people who don't drink. Plus there are non-alcoholic drinks that you can order if you are out and still want a nice glass. I think sparking water tastes better in a wine glass!

I have friends who don't drink, the only difference is that if we're going for cocktails then we make sure the place has a good selection of mocktails too so they don't feel left out.

*It’s unreasonable to give up alcohol, whether you have a good reason or not. It’s not mandatory.

I’m not a fan of total abstinence.*

The strangest reply.

Unless there’s a reason for giving it up completely - by which I mean a health reason or connected to addiction - I don’t see why you have to make an “all or nothing” decision. Just drink if you fancy it, not if you don’t.

My mother-in-law hardly ever drinks but she will, occasionally, have a dessert wine after dinner or a sparkling wine on a special occasion. It’s never held her back.

Anyone who doesn’t invite you, isn’t your friend. Arrange your own events too.

If anyone can't accept someone else not drinking, that's their problem. You have every right to choose whether to drink alcohol or not, on any given occasion. You're under no obligation to provide nosy people with a 'reason'.

I am!!

I’ve never ever been a ‘one drink’ person. I used to drink every 1-2 month, binge and get hungover.

I stopped whilst prepping for an op years ago and didn’t really go back.

I don’t like feeling out of control, or the cost, or wasting the day after ill but i can’t say any of these factors were ever a real problem? I used to get a bit of ribbing and nagging and strangers often asked if o had alcohol issues or was i pregnant, but now I’m mid 30s its gotten less.

Oh and i still get invited to stuff but i am very careful not to end up the designated taxi for everyone!

I don't drink and I'm still invited to stuff and dance and enjoy myself ! I don't really mention it unless I'm asked . People do presume you were an alcoholic though! 🙄

I quit drinking when younger. It does limit your social life depending on your circle of friends

Seems pretty common in people of your age now and of course YANBU

@MargaretFaffter

Unless there’s a reason for giving it up completely - by which I mean a health reason or connected to addiction - I don’t see why you have to make an “all or nothing” decision. Just drink if you fancy it, not if you don’t.

My mother-in-law hardly ever drinks but she will, occasionally, have a dessert wine after dinner or a sparkling wine on a special occasion. It’s never held her back.

I agree with this. It doesn't have to be a big all or nothing thing. Go out with your friends, have a drink if you feel like it, and don't if you don't. I would hope your friends wouldn't pressure you into having a drink if you don't want one (other than a simple "are you sure you don't want one?"), and if they judge you or don't want you around if you're not drinking then surely you wouldn't want to be friends with them anyway?

I've never even tried alcohol, not appealing for me. I still manage to have fun with my friends and enjoy a large social circle at work - 90% of which drinks every evening after we finish. Has never been an issue!

Life is so much simpler when you don't drink - you can drive home, it's cheaper, clear head in the morning....I wish I didn't like wine and gin so much.

There's no reason why a true friend would exclude you from a social for not drinking alcohol (assuming you don't sit there looking po-faced and miserable all evening). You can order a clear fizzy drink, like a tonic water or lemonade, and no-one would ever know there's no vodka in it unless you tell them, and there's no need to make a "thing" of it.

I didn't drink for my first year at university (didn't like it back then) but found I was buoyed along by the general party atmosphere when others were drinking around me - I got all of the benefits and fun but none of the downsides. Ditto during my pregnancies.

@EileenGC

I've never even tried alcohol, not appealing for me. I still manage to have fun with my friends and enjoy a large social circle at work - 90% of which drinks every evening after we finish. Has never been an issue!

I don't understand how it can't be appealing to you if you've never tried it? Not even a sip of wine? It doesn't taste like any other drink. You might really like it.

Thanks all! I wont make a big deal about it but they will all notice if I dont drink as we do rounds i'll just make a quick comment about how I dont want to and move on as I dont want it to be a whole thing!

@Anonymous48 by the same logic then I should give cigarettes and crack a go as I have never tried those but they don't appeal to me haha

@itsme189

Thanks all! I wont make a big deal about it but they will all notice if I dont drink as we do rounds i'll just make a quick comment about how I dont want to and move on as I dont want it to be a whole thing!

@Anonymous48 by the same logic then I should give cigarettes and crack a go as I have never tried those but they don't appeal to me haha

That's not the same logic at all! Alcohol in small quantities isn't harmful and can even have a positive affect on your health. The same can't be said for cigarettes or crack.