To find "mummy knows best" is stupid when it comes to medical things?

[00100001]

My cousin's little boy (nearly 2) has a rash all over. Her Mum took him to Dr who said it's a viral rash. Cue loads of photos all over FB of his rash, and lots of anguish from Mum going "Dr says it's viral rash, but I'm not convinced!" And responses if "mummy knows best, hunni, take him to the dr's again babe"
She comes back the next day and again plasters her boys face and rash all over FB, and goes "Mummy does know best! I was right, he's got Hand Foot and Mouth!"
With lots of supportive responses going "you were right to trust your gut, mummy knows best!"

Excuse me.

HFAM rash IS A FUCKING VIRAL RASH.

The Dr was right the first time...

Mummy didn't know best, just thinks she does because the viral rash has a name...

🙄

Ugh

I struggle with this because whilst I do know what you mean, my personal experience makes me conflicted. When DS was 9 months old he became very unwell after what initially seemed like a regular cold, but would barely eat/drink milk and when he did, couldn't keep anything down. I was back and forth to the GP on 4 separate occasions that week, they all told me not to worry and sent us on our way. I just knew they weren't right and after finally deciding to take him to A&E and being offered a chest X-Ray "for my own reassurance" he was diagnosed with pneumonia. One of his lungs was almost fully collapsed and he was in hospital on IV antibiotics for 5 days. Who knows where we'd be, or if DS would even still be here if I'd blindly trusted those Drs' opinions above my own instincts. It can take a lot of guts to stand up for yourself in that situation though, which is probably why people post about it on social media, because the support of others makes them feel stronger.

A lot of the time a child's mother does know best. A few times our GP has asked me if I'm genuinely worried about one of the children, given me prescriptions for anti biotics and told me to decide if I think they need them etc.
Medical professionals do take a mother's opinion into account for good reason.

Mummy may know best but was it really necessary for mummy to plaster photos of her poor kid's rash all over Facebook? Not the first thing I'd think to do in such a situation. As an aside I find it very cringey when people refer to themselves in the third person as "mummy".

I think in some instances, parents do know best. For example, parents who have suspected for years their child isn’t neurotypical and, when they finally fight their way through the system, are proved correct.

What annoys me, is when a parent takes a child to the GP/A+E, gets told the child has a virus/some other self limiting disease that doesn’t require medical treatment and subsequently describes it as being ‘fobbed off’. Nobody is fobbing you off. If you don’t agree with the doctor’s diagnosis, then by all means see someone else. Implying a highly trained medical practitioner is trying to screw you/your child over though is just rude.

Well the doctor who examined Baby P didn’t know best…

But yes, I agree ‘Mummy knows best or Daddy knows best’ is cringe.

@mountbattenbergcake

Well the doctor who examined Baby P didn’t know best…

Not sure that’s the best argument for Mummy knows best either sadly

I agree, I really dislike the 'trust your gut' mantra. Twice I have 'trusted my gut' and subjected DD to painful and invasive tests when in fact she was just being a normal baby

Mother's instincts are very powerful things.

@00100001

Rare. Yes. In some cases a second opinion is needed.

But mostly no, they don't know better than the doctors. And cousin certainly didn't.

I don't think it is rare. I have chronic illnesses and speak to lots of other people with chronic illnesses. Everyone of them has multiple stories about misdiagnosis, being dismissed, being gaslighted, receiving poor or inadequate treatment.

I have learnt that to receive the right medical diagnosis, treatment and care, you need to pick your medical professionals carefully, you need to advocate for yourself, you need to be confident about seeking second opinions, and you need to do your own research.

This mother was completely correct in seeking a second opinion when she was not comfortable with the first opinion. Whether the second opinion confirmed or contradicted the first is not relevant.

I’m in the mothers’ instincts category. As infants, I always seemed to have mine at the gp a day before any measurable symptoms developed. I had to push very hard for an x ray for dd and the doctor was astonished to find, not just a fracture but bone displacement. And oh my god I could write a book on dealing with special needs.

I really love my current gp who treats me like an intelligent adult.

Thank god I have a GP and paediatric consultant who run their clinics with a “what do YOU think is going on?” attitude.

I have saved my son from many brittle asthma attacks by advocating for him before his symptoms fully presented.

I’ve been sent home from A&E by triaging doctors who don’t listen, to return by ambulance with a child for resuss hours later.

Not listening to a mother is ridiculous.

“Mummy knows best” and the “my spidey senses were tingling” might be annoying phrases but Jesus Christ the parents DO know best and need to trust their instinct to advocate for their child.

My first response on YABU to tell you that YABU.

Of course there is merit to mothers instinct/mothers knowing best. You spend the most amount of time with your child so will more than likely be the first to pick up on signs and signals that they are not right. I'm sure it even says something along those lines on the NHS website, especially when it comes to smaller babies who can't speak or tell you what is wrong.

HCP's don't know the child's normal day to day behaviour. Examples can include children having a temperature....a child's temp can be high for them but still fall within normal range so would be discounted.

Their cry could be unusual but the HCP won't know what their normal cry is like so again the mum will be the one to pick up on the signal.

If in doubt always get a second opinion.

My DD has an allergy to cows milk. The first doctor I saw told me this was normal and to keep giving cows milk so that the intolerance didn't get worse. This could be correct advice in some cases but I knew (don't ask me how because I'm no doctor) that this didn't feel right.

Ignored the advice, got seen by another doctor and referred to allergy clinic & due to the type of allergy it is and that it can result in anaphylaxis I was told in no circumstances to give milk and prescribed antihistamine.

I’m a paediatric nurse and it is drummed in to us that nobody knows a child like it’s mother and we should always take them seriously if they think something isn’t right.

@00100001
"Rare. But mostly no, they don't know better than the doctors. And cousin certainly didn't."

You sound like a petulant child. It took two visits for a proper diagnosis. It wasn't a 'shut up and go away' viral rash, like the doctor first put it. It isn't good enough to fob parents off when it's hfm The child needed quarantining and complications looking out for.

You come across as quite sneering and judgmental op, do you not like your cousin and her mum?

I worked for many years as a nurse in a paediatric hospital, the consultants who actually listened to mums were the ones I trusted most and have asked for with my own children

As others have said no one knows the child better than mum, without realising it mums recognise change in behaviour appearance and smell of their children often before an illness emerges

Hand foot and mouth isn’t just a viral rash, it’s highly contagious and important to diagnose to prevent further spread, viruses can and do kill so really YABVVU

In our experience my mother’s instinct has usually been right on. When my kids are coming down with something they look different to me, usually they’ll start feeling ill the next day. My most clear example is when one had had an operation at 7 weeks old and I saw from her face something was wrong- before the monitors started dropping and alarms went off. I think part of this is knowing what’s normal for that person- eg when my dad was very ill with lung cancer I knew he had an infection brewing, gp came out said he was fine, wouldn’t listen, ending up collapsing 4 hours later and was in hospital with guess what an infection. Most healthcare professionals I’ve come across have been brilliant and I’m thankful for every one of them especially those that I’ve felt have really listened to what’s going on with the person I’ve advocated for.

My DD has an allergy to cows milk

God I remember this battle.

I had to go back and forth to a doctor 5 times before they finally listened to me when I argued (whilst crying) that my baby’s symptoms weren’t reflux or baby eczema (as I’d been told at every previous visit) and that they needed to do something.

It was a nightmare. I was brushed off as a ‘paranoid mother’ and for months my son was in pain because of it.

@DontWantTheRivalry

I’m a paediatric nurse and it is drummed in to us that nobody knows a child like it’s mother and we should always take them seriously if they think something isn’t right.

The best clinics are the ones with staff like yourself- thank you for listening to us!

YABU. No-one knows your child better than you and i think parents know when something just isn't right with their child. I don't trust every thing a GP says because they don't specialise in anything in particular and experience with them hasn't always been good. For instance one GP argued with me that during pregnancy with hypothyroidism my medication should be reduced rather than upped. I knew she was wrong and had hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism mixed up. The same GP tried to prescribe my sister who is a nurse antibiotics that could be harmful to a fetus in pregnancy, only my sister knew they weren't safe. Also her skin cancer was dismissed as a sweat rash when she told a GP she thought it was basal cell carcinoma and she was told it definitely wasn't, sister was right and GP was wrong. To trust any medic blindly is foolish. Im not saying they aren't useful but you have to go with your own instincts sometimes too and that includes your maternal instincts. Obviously your cousin was wrong in this situation but it certainly isn't always the case and if it was my childs health and I felt that something wasn't right I would push for a second opinion.

@KrispyKale

I remember smelling that they were ill!

Yes I've always thought this but I am 100% convinced now recently my son had a case of some sort of viral hepatitis, he was very yellow and really unwell. He also really smelled no one else could smell it but I could it wasn't a bad smell almost sweet in a way but to me it was very strong once his liver started to improve the smell went away

Overheard a paediatrician telling the parents next to us on the children’s ward to always trust their instincts and remember that sometimes Mother knows best.

I think Mum’s do sometimes instinctively know when their child is very sick. I knew my
DS didn’t need to go to hospital last time, his oxygen was 94 so not great but he was acting like his normal self just breathing a bit quickly. Took him to the GP because I didn’t feel it warranted a trip to A&E, GP sent us straight to A&E. I knew we didn’t need to be there, DS was running around the cubicle so I knew he was fine. Doctor sent us home after 4 hours with a new inhaler. Sigh. He has needed to be in hospital twice before but his oxygen was 88-89 and he couldn’t speak or move. The GP was being overly cautious.

I agree most of the time tbh, my kids are hardly ever at the doctors but when I do take them it's because they're trained, not me. I have a friend who is a lovely lady but she takes at least 1 child to the doctors every week, usually an alternating child, it's like they're on a rota, she also keeps them off school for anything and when the doctors send her out without a prescription for anti biotics she calls them 'shit at their job' and says they 'don't know what they're talking about' but the kids are always fine(and if ever actually ill fine a few of hours later), she genuinely seems to think everything needs anti biotics and she always says she knows best because they're her children.

My gut instinct was right re my then newborn. I took him to a&e after the GP called him a "lazy boy". A&E used the words "well you aren't a first time mum" and looked at him fully. 3 weeks he spent in hospital very very poorly.

Dismissing mum instinct is dangerous.

My son's paediatrician always says that she is the medical expert and I am the expert on my son so we both need to listen to each other.