Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any last minute advice. Meeting with Head re bullying today.

78 replies

Yesthatscorrect · 20/10/2021 07:34

Won't go into lots of detail but our primary age son has been subjected to vicious physical and verbal bullying since the beginning of term. It started off gradually then increased to daily kicking including to the Head, punching in stomach, calling him cruel names, inciting others to also punch him.

Teacher is minimising it, hasn't followed their anti bullying plan by investigating it, telling him to stop telling tales.

I have a log of every incident and my mother who is a former teacher is accompanying me.

Anything else I should say?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 20/10/2021 07:35

Have you seen it happen?

Original poster
Yesthatscorrect · 20/10/2021 07:36

No it happens in the internal playground. My relative works there and she has seen it.

OP posts:
DifficultBloodyWoman · 20/10/2021 07:36

Stand firm.

Be clear in your head what you a) want them to do and b) will accept them doing.

Ask what happens to the school/teacher when they have policies but don’t use them or enforce them.

Use the word ‘safeguarding’.

shouldistop · 20/10/2021 07:37

That's awful. I'd tell them if there isn't a satisfactory outcome then you will involve the police (assuming this is upper end of primary?).
Your poor boy. Why do they say he's telling tales?
I know you shouldn't have to but could you teach your son to punch them back?

Babymamamama · 20/10/2021 07:38

Ask them if the other parents will be informed? I assumed this when I reported in primary but actually the school tried to sweep it under the carpet. Ask for the meeting to be minuted and for you to receive a copy with actions listed. Hope you get somewhere. These things can be upsetting.

Iggly · 20/10/2021 07:38

Are any adults stepping in? Awful.
Have you put it in writing? I would do that if not, before the meeting and explain these are the issues that you want dealing with.

Then take a copy to the meeting with you.

Berthatydfil · 20/10/2021 07:40

Use the words
safeguarding
Failure in duty of care
Failure to adhere to policies

AutumnLeafy · 20/10/2021 07:41

He's being assaulted. I would ask what the procedure is if you want to make a complaint about how they are handling it.

Original poster
Yesthatscorrect · 20/10/2021 07:41

The other parents have been informed. I know this as my friend overheard the mother telling her son off and telling him to stop bullying other kids.

The other adults there are Lunchtime supervisors and don't appear to be seeing anything. They are busy though as other duties to be covered.

Thanks good ideas re mentioning safeguarding and taking minutes of actions agreed. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 20/10/2021 07:47

We focussed very much on 'keeping our son safe' and looking at what measures / actions they would take to protect him. Didn't really talk much about the bully themselves - just kept turning it back to their school being unsafe for our son.

thingamebob · 20/10/2021 07:51

@Berthatydfil

Use the words safeguarding Failure in duty of care Failure to adhere to policies
This. And that you will escalate to informing Ofsted if nothing happens. So sorry you are gong through this, I cannot stand bullies, and it is unforgivable for the school to ignore it. Hope you get it sorted, good luck.
Atla · 20/10/2021 07:51

Have a copy of the schools bullying/safeguarding policy printed and take it with you - highlight the things they haven't done.

Have a timeline of events - so log of incidents including when and how you contacted school.

Think about what action you want them to take, and be specific. Talk about safeguarding and the impact on your son. Try not to get emotional, I know it's really hard. Take notes and email them to everyone present afterwards so you can agree what was said.

Good luck. My ds2 had a horrible time in P3 with bullying from a couple of classmates. Thankfully school did deal with it very well once it got physical, but were pretty crap before that.

mdh2020 · 20/10/2021 07:55

You should also write to the Chair of Governors if this is not dealt with satisfactorily.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 20/10/2021 07:55

Yes, don’t go on about the bully, but ask how the school will keep your son safe

Say they are currently failing in their duty of care, and need to step it up, and they need to tell you how to they are going to do this

Also ask for their anti-bullying policy (paper copy)

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 20/10/2021 07:56

And yes. Then governors, then Ofsted.

Try to not get emotional, if possible.

Good luck

Branleuse · 20/10/2021 08:00

Are you actually sending him in while this is happeninh??
You need to keep him home till they do something more

CatWarbler · 20/10/2021 08:02

Wishing you all the best. DH went in and told the staff at DHs school that he'd taught her self defence moves and said she would be using them if she got assaulted again.
That was in the 90s and it got those in charge scurrying about .
Luckily we are no longer in the 90s and so they need to use their safeguarding policies and duty of care.
Good luck!

1099 · 20/10/2021 08:03

As there's 2 of you make sure one of you actually takes notes of what is said, (agree in advance who it will be have a notepad and pen) as PP said focus on your son and how the school will meet it's obligations to protect him, the other child isn't your concern.
You said your relative has seen it so be sure he/she is happy for you to refer to them during your meeting.
Try not to be emotional about it, your aim is to get it stopped and advocate for your son.

MahMahMahMahCorona · 20/10/2021 08:06

Chair of the board of governors is your next port of call.

We had this insufferable behaviour at an Ofsted Outstanding Village School since last September. I "worked with the teacher" initially and we tried to stamp it out but their hands were tied so we escalated. After a particularly bad incident just after lockdown ended in March this year, headteacher was involved. Head then called me in May after I wrote a clanger of a complaint, yet again, and asked my permission to talk to the parents of the bully. I couldn't believe they hadn't been informed but then again they are cash cows to the school, and one parent is a governor. DC was then punched in the stomach but as nobody "saw" it the school victim blamed - even when I brought this to the chair of the board of governors. DC told his therapist however so therapist gave a witness report.

We moved DC. He's never been happier.

Safeguarding, assault, bullying policy, duty of care, all these buzzwords are supposed to be helpful.

Rinoachicken · 20/10/2021 08:07

Good advice re printing off their bullying policy and highlighting where they aren’t following.

Also about using the words ‘failure in duty of care’ and ‘failure to follow own polices’. And that you will be reporting these breeches to ofsted and governors etc.

What are they going to do to ensure your sons safety in school. To ensure he is not subjected to further physical abuse whilst IN THEIR CARE.

If he was being subjected to the same whilst in YOUR care I’m sure they would have something to say about it!

Fujimora · 20/10/2021 08:09

Put everything in writing.
Time line of the events.
Interactions you have had with the school - phone calls, meetings etc.
Ask them for a written account of the actions they have taken to keep your child safe up until now and what they intend to do to safeguard him in the future.
If you just interact verbally they can deny or downplay what has been said and done.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 20/10/2021 08:13

Good advice here.
My experience was regarding secondary age and after emailing mentioning safeguarding, duty of care etc, I mentioned I had also spoken to local PCSO (which I had done) who had advised she was happy to inform the perp's parents if the school was not going to do it which would leave a record.

DomPom47 · 20/10/2021 08:25

Thank them for the meeting and say your aim is to make sure your child feels safe at school.
Ask for any logs they have on your son and bullying - this way you can see if they are recording things and whether it is formally or not. Ofsted wants this logged so would be telling if this is done or not.
Based on this you can then show your logging of incidents. And you can mention the person you know who works there.
Ultimately ask them what they will do? How they will do it and when will you be getting updates.
Good luck 💐

M1lkyway · 20/10/2021 08:37

I don’t have any advice but I’m so sorry this is happening to your DC.
I hope you get the support you need, what a total shambles that this has not been dealt with already. Wishing you the best of luck today.

billy1966 · 20/10/2021 08:39

Email them after the meeting a list of all the incidents mentioned, what has been discussed, what has been agreed.

Create a firm papertrail which can be used to escalate and proof to Ofsted.

Mention the supervision that somehow manages NOT to see all the incidents.

Oh and tell them that you will be looking for a follow-up meeting if there isn't an immediate improvement.

What ages are the boys because you can ask for child services to be involved if the school are unwilling and unable to manage the child and safeguard yours.

The most important thing IMO is to make it very, very clear, you will not be fobbed off and are quite prepared to go all the way and make life difficult for them, because of their complete failure to protect your child.

Good luck.