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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want another so soon.........

29 replies

Blueberry231 · 19/10/2021 21:24

Seriously broody and my DC1 is only 9mo.

Please tell me all the reasons I should wait a while! I know we need to - my periods haven't returned and I'm still breastfeeding for one - and had a terrible physical recovery after a traumatic birth - and I have a terrible sleeper in my firstborn 🙈 but still trying to talk myself Out of wanting to try again as soon as I'm ovulating again!

I think we will try for number two next summer but I need some reasons to hang on until then 🤣

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2021 21:26

I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 15 months old. It was a perfect age gap in my opinion. The only difference for me was that my periods came back a month after he was born even though he was EBF'd. I was still doing a bedtime feed when I got pregnant, and then weaned him completely by 16 months.

CarryOnNurse20 · 19/10/2021 21:28

People have small gaps and cope well! However- I have a 2.7year age gap and I LOVE it. Eldest DC has always loved the baby, involved in getting nappies, singing songs etc. Was really aware of what was going on and prepared for the baby to come. Able to wait for lunch/change the channel/come and play when I was BF/changing nappies etc. It was a joy and as they grow the bond is wonderful.
DC2 currently almost 2. If I so much as look at another baby he’s on my lap cuddling me, if I hold a friends newborn he gets very upset snd wants to sit with me too. Not old enough to understand I’m not going to run off with another baby 😂 would be so so difficult to have a newborn with a child this age! Hats of to people who do!

GoodnightGrandma · 19/10/2021 21:32

I’d wait a bit yet.
It would be better if your little one was more independent as it’s hard work with a little one when you’ve got morning sickness, then a bump and bad back !
Enjoy the one you’ve got for now, all those firsts.

WhatsWrongWithMyUsername · 19/10/2021 21:41

Mine are 18 months apart, one school year. Come to my house and see the insane level of competitiveness and fighting, that will put you off!

FluWorldOrder · 19/10/2021 21:48

I already want another one and my DD2 is only 6 weeks old so I understand. Although I didn't feel like this after my first, who was a much more challenging baby, that's for sure! There's certainly smaller age gaps anyway. I know a woman whose due this month and her middle child isn't yet one and she has a two year old as well. What will be will be I suppose. Although I think you're really supposed to wait three years or so between pregnancies to recover etc. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Chickychoccyegg · 19/10/2021 21:51

My dds 1 and 2 were 17 months apart it was lovely, had a bigger gap between dd2 and dd3 and it was much harder

PippinStar · 19/10/2021 21:51

I have 18 months between my two. I had hyperemesis both times, but it was a different kettle of fish with a toddler to care for (during lockdown, with no childcare and no family help and a husband that worked night shifts and long hours).

I was 6 months pregnant and still carrying around a non-walking toddler (who thankfully did start walking shortly after that - but it was tough going for a while). He didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2, so I was getting up 3 times a night to him, and another 3 or 4 to the baby. It was torture.

I still have 2 lots of nappies to change, and they haven’t synced up their naptimes because the toddler is trying to drop his only nap (and therefore they require different lunchtimes) so I’m constantly changing nappies, putting someone down for a nap, feeding someone, and cleaning up after mealtimes. It’s so hard to get out of the house between naps and mealtimes as the baby won’t sleep anywhere but the cot!

On the plus side, they get along amazingly, adore each other, and they entertain each other more and more, especially now that the “baby” is walking. Even though I’m glad I did it, I don’t think I could do it all again.

DramaAlpaca · 19/10/2021 21:57

I was already 8 weeks with DC2 when DC1 was nine months. It wasn't quite planned to be that quick, it took 11 months to get pregnant the first time and we wanted them close in age so decided to get going... didn't expect to conceive literally the first time! I was breastfeeding too. It was obviously just meant to be.

Anyway, I found it hard work but really lovely to have them close together. They are 16 months apart and have grown up to be best friends.

GemmaRuby · 19/10/2021 22:01

Think of your pelvic floor!
My DS is 6 months and I couldn’t even imagine having another one yet, feel like my body needs a good few years to recover before it gets another battering.

But people do have babies close together and if it’s what you want, it’s what you want.

butterflyfox · 19/10/2021 22:03

Do it! Mine are 13 months apart. Took years for the first one to arrive then second one not so much. 10 years later they enjoy the same activities so I am never dragging a bored older child to a soft play for the baby or managing a toddler in the skate part for the big one. I do remember developing impressive biceps as nr 1 was not yet walking when nr 2 arrived so I would have to carry both around. Only downside is that I love love the baby stage and it was compressed into a shorter time and over so quickly.

butterflyfox · 19/10/2021 22:09

I’m so sorry I just read your post properly and you want reasons NOT to do it. I was very very tired. I did not sleep a full night once in two years. I did not get to enjoy that lovely easy time with one baby for long. And physically I really aged in that time ( see sleep - above!)

kpfragglesrock · 19/10/2021 22:15

My DDs are 18 months apart. Yes, it was bloody tough at times, no I wouldn't change it. They're so close and hopefully will stay that way.

CrabbyCat · 19/10/2021 22:32

It's quite likely to get a harder with your DC over the next year, as they get more mobile and nap less. If you don't have a straightforward pregnancy it could be very difficult.

Having said that, I have 21 months between my older two. Since DC2 turned about 1.5 it's been good, as they are company for each other and into the same stage so it's much easier to satisfy the needs of both at the same time. However, it was really hard work for that first 1.5 years. I have 2 years 9 months between DC2 and DC3 and it's a lot easier.

fairislecable · 19/10/2021 22:44

There is 20 months between my first two children and it was very hard work, at this age they are on completely different schedules. Someone needs feeding every 2 hours (or less)!!

When DC2 was 3 I had twins (not planned ). This was so much easier as the babies ate and slept on the same schedule.

Why make your life harder, enjoy your little one and give yourself a bit of a breather before the next one.

PjsOn · 19/10/2021 22:48

My first 2 are exactly 18 months apart, but only 1 school year. The second child was 6 months earlier than we had intended, but we were thrilled once the initial shock sank in. The first 18 months of two so close in age was hard, I won't lie there were moments where I wondered what the hell were we thinking, however eventually once they became more independent I started to see the benefits. They are 4 and 5 now and they get along, are into similar things (although a boy and a girl), I like the gap now. We went for a 3rd and went for a 3.5 year gap between the 2nd and 3rd child there is no way I'd have gone for a gap any smaller than 2.5-3 years for the third, we simply wouldn't have coped. I think a 2 year gap is more manageable with 2, but small gaps do have some benefits - eventually!

I have a 7 month old now and I'm feeling broody too, pretty sure it must be a hormonal/biological drive that makes you want another around now, we are 100% done but there's this weird desire I have to have another, I'm hoping it'll pass 😅. I had a terrible birth with the 3rd, I've only just started to feel back to normal, I do not want to do that again, yet I do...

Dahliadelight · 19/10/2021 22:49

My first two are 17 months apart and the best of friends. I love how close in age they are.

nc87653 · 19/10/2021 22:57

When my DC1 was 9 months old I was already 3 months pregnant with DC2!

Small age gaps are wonderful but hard work in the beginning. Good luck whatever you decide OP!

Newmum29 · 19/10/2021 23:06

I wanted another from 3 months but we’re waiting to have at least an 18 month gap if we can. It’s just too hard otherwise. My nephews are 3 years apart and that seems ideal.

Newmum29 · 19/10/2021 23:13

For those with an under 2 year age gap did you not find it tough having both kids in nappies? I can’t imagine running around after a toddler with a newborn.

Captainj1 · 19/10/2021 23:17

My sister and I are 21 months apart but one school year and we were very close as primarily schoolers but as teenagers she hated me - competing for same sports teams, boys, academic success…she literally wouldn’t have pissed on me if I was on fire.

We get on well now but but it took 15 years or so to rebond.

My kids have 4.5 yrs between them, not thru choice we had lots of fertility treatment but with hindsight it was great having all of DS’s preschool time 2:1 and then all of DDs too. Mat leave for DD coincided with DS starting school which was great to get him settled.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 19/10/2021 23:25

My 2 are 15 months apart and now 18 and (nearly 17), its absolutely brilliant. Although tough for the first couple of years I would not change it for the world .

Linnet · 19/10/2021 23:56

My two are 6 years and 9 months apart, it has good points and bad points. Personally, given my time over, I’d have them much closer together, I’d be aiming for roughly two years apart.

RAFHercules · 20/10/2021 00:14

DS1 and DS2 are just 12 months apart. Now 19 and 20. They were as close as twins growing up and most people assumed they were.
I'd say go with the small age gap

Namechangedforthethousandthtim · 20/10/2021 00:16

If you want another, have another!

Why do you need to be convinced not to?

Having two close together is lovely!

CrabbyCat · 20/10/2021 02:02

@Newmum29 two in nappies is easier than one recently potty trained and a newborn! Assuming you mean more generally hard having a young toddler and a newborn, yes, it's horrible. A 21 month old doesn't understand delayed gratification, if they want something it has to be now or they get very upset and of course there are plenty of times with a newborn you are stuck and can't run after the toddler.

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