WIBU to drop off 6 month old at nursery at 7 even though I don't start work til 9

[Katlow]

Going back to work tomorrow and LO is 6 months old. He's going to nursery a maximum of 3 days a week but it's going to depend on how my husbands shifts fall. I've got no idea what to expect at drop off. I was considering dropping him off early to avoid the hustle and bustle as nursery have said its 'mad' in the morning.
I was thinking I could throw some joggers and a jumper on and drop him off at around 7/7.30 then come home and get ready for work properly.
But then he's woken up this morning (he's usually up at 7) and he's so happy to see me. I don't know how I'd feel about literally getting him up and dressed then straight out the door. :(
How long does nursery drop off usually take? To get in the building etc. I'm so nervous and feeling a little bit guilty.
Bonus points for any answers which tell me how much your 6 month old loved nursery.

I work in childcare too, and have done for 11 years. I’m a childminder now with a very homely setting, ofsted outstanding and all my parents are very happy etc. I still think 11 hours a day of childcare for a 6 month old is an awful lot. Of course we all understand some people don’t have a choice, but OP it sounds like you do. There will be plenty of parents who can say their child did those hours, or longer and it wasn’t to their detriment but really how could anyone know this? All I can say is that I’ve been the one receiving those children and caring for them all day and it does have an effect. I suppose the only thing I can compare it to is an adult if you have a really lovely hobby or go out with a great group of friends. It’s fantastic and beneficial and you’ll have a lovely time… but I’m sure you’d rather be doing it for 8 hours than 11. In childcare children can’t always escape the other children, or take themselves off for a rest of it isn’t sleep time or if all their friends are going outside. It’s a long time to have to be switched ‘on’.

I’d do what’s best for you. You may find you need the little extra time in the morning to get ready stress free or your may find yourself missing him.

My best friends DP leaves early for work (long shifts) so he gets baby up and ready and drops him off at 6 on his way to work and my friend gets a lie in and then she collects him when she finishes at 5. She said having an extra hour or so in bed helps her function as a Mum better and she feels no guilt about it. Everyone is different.

It's just so weird to think of having a baby, then at 6mths chucking it into daycare for 11hrs because society says you should do hair and make-up in order to be presentable.
Where's dad in this situation? I get that men give zero fucks because they're always having other people looking after their kids. Something just harsh about a tiny baby chucked into the care of underpaid workers.

@Holidaytan

You’ll have to collect by 5pm as 10 hours is the legal max time in nursery daily.

Nonsense.

@Enwi

I work in childcare too, and have done for 11 years. I’m a childminder now with a very homely setting, ofsted outstanding and all my parents are very happy etc. I still think 11 hours a day of childcare for a 6 month old is an awful lot. Of course we all understand some people don’t have a choice, but OP it sounds like you do. There will be plenty of parents who can say their child did those hours, or longer and it wasn’t to their detriment but really how could anyone know this? All I can say is that I’ve been the one receiving those children and caring for them all day and it does have an effect. I suppose the only thing I can compare it to is an adult if you have a really lovely hobby or go out with a great group of friends. It’s fantastic and beneficial and you’ll have a lovely time… but I’m sure you’d rather be doing it for 8 hours than 11. In childcare children can’t always escape the other children, or take themselves off for a rest of it isn’t sleep time or if all their friends are going outside. It’s a long time to have to be switched ‘on’.

Nursery threads always go this way, but this is a really balanced, and non-judgmental way of thinking about it.

I was listening to Woman's Hour this morning, and how after children the careers of women can often follow a different trajectory to men, less hours, less pay, less pension.

We face so much more judgement for trying to keep careers going than men, but on the other hand judge women who want to stay at home with the baby because they're now dependent on partners. We can't bloody win, we just have to cope and hope we're not fucking up our children and/or careers.

@Katlow My little one is 8 and a half months and has been doing 3 days at nursery for 3 months. They do 2 days with grandparents too.

I drop her off an hour before I need to be at work (literally a 10 minute walk away) and she does 7:30 - 4:30. Do I feel guilty? No. Initially, I had visions of me dropping them off at the last moment and picking up as early as I could but that didn't last. It may sound selfish but I love time to gather my thoughts and not having to rush. They absolutely adore nursery and are so happy to be going in!

It's just so weird to think of having a baby, then at 6mths chucking it into daycare for 11hrs

Oh, I have very strong views on this. OP should definitely be handing the baby over to the keyworker, not throwing him at them. In fact - and I know some people will say this is judgy but I'm not afraid to say it - I actually think you should never chuck a baby, even if you are a stay at home mother.

All these people so sure “baby will love it”. How do you know? This is a person. With feelings. Perhaps he’d rather be with his mother for a bit longer? Disgusted by some of the attitudes on here that doesn’t recognise a child as an individual and a person of importance.

@Holidaytan what rubbish. I ran my own nursery for 5 years and was never informed of that

How does a mother know it’s own child. Let’s see
By behavioural and emotional knowledge
By interaction, by response,by habituation, by love and regard

I have perfected the head tilt and attentive gaze to the nursery nay sayers when I’m actually thinking shuffle the play list give it a fucking rest sister. On no level do I care what they think. They are a self selecting cabal and I avoid them. Notably though when they’ve had 5+ yr out the work they want advice about getting back, managing and child care. Their career has evaporated, their contacts have moved on and they inhabit the used to be world They used to be in finance,sales,teachers,lawyers and are struggling to get back in 6 years later

My DS is going 2 days per week and he struggled a bit between 6 months and 1 year old. Not really hating it, but it was "too much for him". Being switched on and around kids for so many hours was tiring him quite a bit.

Me and DH organized with drop off/ pick up so that he had to stay the minimum amount of hours possible, therefore he was staying from 9AM to 4.30PM.

Now he is 2.5yo and he really likes going there, he is pretty vocal about it and about his friends there, therefore we extended a bit, and he is starting 8 AM (if he is going in after 8AM he cannot have breakfast with the other kids).

We are expecting now a DD and we will do the same, starting with the least possible amount of hours and then seeing how it goes.

Both my dh and I have degrees and Masters. /\We both equally took time out to avoid nursery or childcare before 3 years. Of course it was tricky at times, we are both working now so it's not a disaster for everyone who decides not to send their babies to childcare. Also re the defensive and agressive remarks against anyone who dares to question nursery for very small children (mainly from those who have worked in the sector!) the vast, vast majority of posters here are fully in favour !

Is the nursery far from your house? Ideally you don’t want small children at nursery for too long - it’s a very long and tiring day for small babies.

If the nursery is nearby and you don’t have to commute on to your job I’d be dropping him off as close to 9am as I could, and giving him breakfast at home so you get quality time together.

If you’ve got a long commute then of course that’s different. If you’re working from home though you don’t need to drop off early. You’re not obliged to send them for all the hours- you may be paying for 7am til 6pm etc, but you don’t have to use it.

My DS has breakfast at home with us, then me or his Dad walk him to nursery (3 min walk) and drop him off about 8.50am, ready for us to be back working at 9ish. We then collect him at 5.05pm, and give him dinner at home.

What’s the relevance of your qualifications? Most of mn is pretty smart too (even the nursery mums) If avoiding nursery works for you that’s your informed choice.
For many in thread inc me it works, I actively sought daycare out. Had daycare booked whilst pg.
As I said poor and suboptimal care happens all setting in a minority of times, people don’t decline to use gp, dentist,lawyer,clinics because in each of those setting there was poor practice. One makes an informed choice and seeks to mitigate risk

I'm not a 'used to be' anything. I just think 6mths is tiny.
2/3 year olds, I'm less bothered about and I did daycare age 3 for 6hrs.
I'm lucky, shift worker so can do part time and weekends.
Just for me, it is a strange thing to think of doing.

Obviously people don't feel guilty. I'm not asking them to. Not my tiny baby.
But I'd say the same and think it weird if a man used daycare for grooming himself.
It's the daycare setup. I actually hate it.
Strangers stretched to capacity having to decide which child to go to, underpaid workers.

Not my cup of tea. But we aren't the same.

@EspressoDoubleShot

What’s the relevance of your qualifications? Most of mn is pretty smart too (even the nursery mums) If avoiding nursery works for you that’s your informed choice. For many in thread inc me it works, I actively sought daycare out. Had daycare booked whilst pg. As I said poor and suboptimal care happens all setting in a minority of times, people don’t decline to use gp, dentist,lawyer,clinics because in each of those setting there was poor practice. One makes an informed choice and seeks to mitigate risk

Those aren't even comparable. You're not at the dentist 55hrs a week

Vesta, your situation where you can have left home to do the drop-off, and be working at your desk within 15 mins is quite unusual.
Most people do have to travel to nursery or childminder, they then do have to travel onwards for work.

This is all new for Op. One of the goof things about nursery is the long hours the service is available and that gives a chance to try different things.....so Op can try dropping early, try dropping at the last minute and everything in-between to see what works for her and DC. She really won't know the answer until she tries.

Going back to work is a bit of a baptism of fire. Getting a baby and adult up and out and everyone in the right place at the right time, can seem impossible and overwhelming. OP, you will find the way forward for you.

The sad thing is on this thread is how much lack of support there is, but instead moralising and judging other people's choices.....often even when those other people don't actually have hardly any choices available to them. Women being other women's worse critics is so destructive. What's it all about? And on this thread it's nit really even SAHM being critical of working mums, but other working mums criticising each other. Is it the case that many working mums can only feel comfortable with their choices, but denigrating those of someone else?

All these people so sure “baby will love it”. How do you know?
Er, by watching their happy faces as they go in? The daily nursery reports? The daily photos? Their general sense of self they convey? When older when they shout “Is it a nursery day? Hooray!” Subtle but the clues are there

@hotmeatymilk

All these people so sure “baby will love it”. How do you know? Er, by watching their happy faces as they go in? The daily nursery reports? The daily photos? Their general sense of self they convey? When older when they shout “Is it a nursery day? Hooray!” Subtle but the clues are there

Ahhh maybe the poor mites are faking it, brainwashed into submission You’re too distracted working to notice Horay really means help me mummy!

I think if nursery can be avoided (especially long hours!) when they are tiny, then that's better. I have no doubt that toddlers can get a lot out of childcare, but babies not so much. They need the steady attachment of a small number of adults, and the sort if individual love and affection that I can't see they'd get in a nursery. If necessary I'd fhoose a Childminder over a nursery for a baby, so they can create that closer bond, and keep the hours as short as possible.

I'm not anti childcare, both of mine went (to a homely CM) from 18m, but my husband and I also work evenings etc sometimes, to reduce the amount of childcare needed, especially when they were tiny.

Its not possible in all families obviously, but where people can work flexible, it makes sense, for example, for one parent to start and finish early, and the other start and finish later, to reduce the amount of time a small child is in childcare.

The idea of a baby being in childcare for a couple of hours a day longer than it needs to, does make me a bit sad if I'm honest.

Then again, some parents are fussier about what did their child seats, or how much screentime they have. We all have ideas about what is important, and whilst time with my children is very high on my list, i can appreciate that it might not be on everyone's.

I know they suffer without me while I get a shower

That’s hilarious! Mumsnet at its best.

I would spend the extra time with your gorgeous little baby. This time is precious. I'd drop them off on your way in to work