Bullying or friendship issues

54 replies

ShepherdMoons · 18/10/2021 22:51

I've posted in the past about my dd (8) who is I'm a very small class of 10. There were four girls and five boys until another girl joined the class last term. Since then it seems to have come to a head more.

Dd has been recently been bullied by a boy in the year below (this is now resolved). It really affected her though and she really wants to play with her bestie and the new girl. Dds bestie now is close friends with the new girl, they so a lot of extra curricular activities together (I only found out about this last week).

Today dds bestie told dd she had to play on the other side of the playground away from her friends today. They shout at dd to get away if she comes close.

Is this just friendship problems or bullying? The class teacher is off sick long term at the moment but I feel that this problem is getting worse. Dd is anxious at night and didn't get much sleep last night.

OP posts:

Coronawireless · 20/10/2021 17:25

Personally, by “good social skills” I mean that she makes friends easily AND will invite a child on their own to join in a game, even if she has nothing in common with them. The first is something she was luckily born with. The second is something everyone could do if they bothered.

TwinsandTrifle · 20/10/2021 17:45

@Coronawireless

I completely agree. But this is a little short sighted.

Inviting someone who isn't a friend/you would not choose to play with, to join your game, a couple of times is fine. That's not an answer. It means DD is included a couple of times, because a child is doing the "right thing" as opposed to being allowed to play how they prefer. That's a couple of times. Not a solution.

After the 5th lunch time of "you have to include this child" if you think any 8yr old isn't going to be getting fed up at their free time being dictated by someone they wouldn't choose to play with, then you are somewhat naive.

Is it then better for Peter to hear "Pleeeease, can it be someone else's turn to play with Peter"..."I've had to play with Peter all week"

What will it do to Peter's self esteem to hear that? I maintain that these girls are not excluding DD because she only wants to play with 2 girls out of so many other children. She doesn't like how the boys play? Well ok. She's cut out 5 of her options there. But if she's allowed to choose not to play with them, others have the right to choose that too. By personally ruling out others, it doesn't mean that the only 2 left are excluding. It means you only want to play with two people. And life is not always getting what we want.

Original poster

ShepherdMoons · 20/10/2021 18:15

@TwinsandTrifle have you read my previous post?! We are moving dd to a bigger school. The issue is the pool of friends - way too small!! Thank you!

OP posts:

TwinsandTrifle · 20/10/2021 21:19

Yes, I did, and fwiw I think is the best route for you and DD.

I was addressing the poster who was being rather sanctimonious, with the my DD would ensure everyone was included, and would be frightfully horrified if her DD didn't behave this way.

Congratulations on your excellent 8yr old who definitely behaves like that, on every occasion. And thank you for letting us know how great your child is, who neither attends OPs school, or helps OP in any shape or form as it's not what's happening here in the real world, and we're looking for an actual solution...

I'm glad you've found one. Good luck with the move OP

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