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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 'i'll see you soon' = giving me the brush off?

40 replies

MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 18:44

I started dating a guy 2 months ago. We have now gone from dates to staying multiple days at each other's places.

He spent a couple of lovely days with me recently and asked me to let him know my availability as he said goodbye. I contacted him offering to meet during the week & said otherwise I'd be on a trip for a week/could see him on return.

He sent a short reply 'i'll see you soon and need to check my work shifts as well. Xx.' AIBU to think this is an almighty brush off? Would you respond to this? Up until now he has been hot on my tail with specifying days etc.

I was offering to see him before I go away for a week but he doesn't seem fussed. Makes me think he has lost interest.

OP posts:
Somuddled · 18/10/2021 18:50

It's odd phrasing. I would only ever say, I'll see you soon. If I was on my way to meet someone. Regardless, I wouldn't take it as anything more than him not being in a position right that moment to suggest dates as he needs to check his schedule.

Original poster
MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 18:53

I agree @Somuddled strange phrasing. Like I asked him to meet on a specific day and he responds with a generic reply?

Usually he would call me and be more excited. I don't know. Something is off in my gut - not convinced I will be seeing him again. Thought he would have been more bothered about seeing me before I went away but seems not.

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Original poster
MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 19:22

Small bump Smile

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 18/10/2021 19:25

Is he dating other people possibly? To me it sounds like he’s lost interest and has met someone else. You can normally tell when they start to lose interest when they don’t bother getting in touch or planning things.

MintJulia · 18/10/2021 19:34

Maybe he has a heavy work trip imminent. Maybe there is something else happening in his life. Give him a few days peace and see what happens. Don't chase him.

MattHancocksSexTape · 18/10/2021 19:34

He’s either lost interest, or he’s waiting to see his work shifts.

Original poster
MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 19:42

@CharlotteRose90 that is what I'm wondering. He left here on Friday so not had an awful lot of time to meet someone else, but I guess he might be seeing where it goes if that is the case.

If it is the case, he clearly isn't so into me as he made out while here.

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Original poster
MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 19:44

@MintJulia

Maybe he has a heavy work trip imminent. Maybe there is something else happening in his life. Give him a few days peace and see what happens. Don't chase him.
No I'm not going to chase. Either he will get in touch or instead of ghosting, he's doing the slow fade because he'd have felt bad about saying nothing at all.

Had been feeling very close to him at this point, so feeling upset really.

OP posts:
WhatAShilohPitt · 18/10/2021 21:51

He asked you when you were free though? And then he replied saying he’d see you soon. The only thing that could potentially bd anything less than keen is him saying he’d check his work, but if he literally does have to check his work, there’s no problem! How much time have you given him to check and get back to you? I’d give him 1-2 days.

WhatAShilohPitt · 18/10/2021 21:54

^ was that message about checking also sent on Friday? If so, he’d only have been able to check with work today or possibly tomorrow at the latest, so that doesn’t sound bad to me. He messaged you last, so why not drop him a friendly but unrelated text along the lines of ‘saw this and thought you might like it’?

WhatAShilohPitt · 18/10/2021 21:54

^ be not bd

Aubree17 · 18/10/2021 21:57

How's comms otherwise?
Is he in touch daily?
If he's communicating with what's normal for him then I'd say everything is fine and he just needs to check his schedule.

GreenClock · 18/10/2021 22:00

It’s difficult to judge without knowing him, really. It might be his normal method of finishing with women he’s been dating, or it may mean what it says on the tin. Wait and see OP.

shivermetimbers77 · 18/10/2021 22:09

Sounds like a perfectly normal message to me OP..

BigYellowHat · 18/10/2021 22:12

Ooh difficult to say. In all the times of messaging has he ever said anything similar and then got back in touch?

DivorceAdvicePlease123 · 18/10/2021 22:12

I really don't see the issue? Seeing each other several nights per week after 2 months is way too much though IMO so maybe he just wants to slow it down a bit

Aquamarine1029 · 18/10/2021 22:16

Why don't you just ask him? What's so hard about that? Sometimes our intended message gets clouded with poorly chosen wording, especially in a text or email. I'd just ask him directly what he really meant and if he's wanting to cool off the relationship, or did you just interpret the message incorrectly. All of these guessing games are just silly.

maddening · 18/10/2021 22:16

I would just say no probs but let me know either way as I will be making arrangements with friends and don't want to double book

AlbertBridge · 18/10/2021 22:42

Had you just shagged him for the first time? And now he's cooling off?

Original poster
MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 22:42

@Aubree17 I think it is odd that I asked if he was free to meet this week, how about Wed? And he replies he will see me soon.

No, to me that is a very odd response. He usually always asks me to meet on specific days and calls a lot. Not had any calls since I saw him. That doesn't mean he wont, but I really feel the cool off.

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Original poster
MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 22:43

No @AlbertBridge. Been a few dates back since we first shagged. But it has crossed my mind that he has got me out of system.

When he stayed over last weekend we stayed up until 7am talking. With him doing much of the talking! So it's not as though it is one thing only. This was after cooking together and a nice walk.

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AramintaLee · 18/10/2021 22:46

I think it sounds fine. I say that to my boyfriend when I'm not exactly sure when I'll see him next and we've been together 2 year.

Original poster
MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 22:46

@GreenClock

It’s difficult to judge without knowing him, really. It might be his normal method of finishing with women he’s been dating, or it may mean what it says on the tin. Wait and see OP.
Yeah, I have thought this too. I will a few days and see.

If he hasn't been in touch in a reasonable timeframe within the week, I will finish it. He has been so consistent but has now dropped off imo. Disappointing.

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AlbertBridge · 18/10/2021 22:51

Don't actively finish it! You'll look really really invested.

You're going away for a week. That's brilliant. Distracting for you, and gives him all the distance and a chance to miss you.

Just don't take any calls or respond to ANY messages next week when you're away. Then see how much of an effort he makes.

Please don't actively go out of your way to dump a man who's pulling back. It's beneath you. Far too much effort. Just let him lose you.
Like you don't give a shit. Because actually he is utterly forgettable..

Original poster
MargaretMorris · 18/10/2021 23:11

@AlbertBridge

Don't actively finish it! You'll look really really invested.

You're going away for a week. That's brilliant. Distracting for you, and gives him all the distance and a chance to miss you.

Just don't take any calls or respond to ANY messages next week when you're away. Then see how much of an effort he makes.

Please don't actively go out of your way to dump a man who's pulling back. It's beneath you. Far too much effort. Just let him lose you.
Like you don't give a shit. Because actually he is utterly forgettable..

Grin you're like the good angel on my shoulder making sure I don't do anything rash.

Will I look really invested though, if after say a week, I send a short message drawing a line under it? truth is, I am NOT good at leaving things open ended. If someone doesn't get in touch within a reasonable time, I reckon I'd rather make it clear there will be no 'in' at a later date.

I've had a guy ghost before and I was fuming, but I'd rather not have that kind of horrible end with this guy if it comes to that.

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