To think 'i'll see you soon' = giving me the brush off?

[MargaretMorris]

I started dating a guy 2 months ago. We have now gone from dates to staying multiple days at each other's places.

He spent a couple of lovely days with me recently and asked me to let him know my availability as he said goodbye. I contacted him offering to meet during the week & said otherwise I'd be on a trip for a week/could see him on return.

He sent a short reply 'i'll see you soon and need to check my work shifts as well. Xx.' AIBU to think this is an almighty brush off? Would you respond to this? Up until now he has been hot on my tail with specifying days etc.

I was offering to see him before I go away for a week but he doesn't seem fussed. Makes me think he has lost interest.

I think go with your gut and state your boundaries, even if they are to you and not him. If you think he's multi dating and it makes you uncomfortable - let that become clear. If you think he's got your out of his system - match each text with the same level of interest. If you think he's playing games, withdraw. If you are both into eachother it works out, just protect yourself from feeling anxious and out of control. And remember block delete is always your friend if you feel umcortable an dont want him getting back in touch to do your head in again.

It's so hard in the modern dating world but ghosting is how 90 per cent of men will end dating someone. And 90 per cent of them will get back in touch after a bit and go on to yo yo and confuse a woman. This is why I stand by follow your instincts,. Give them half a chance and if they aren't right back with you making an effort and making you feel great, block delete.

I’d leave to for now, and see it as meaning yoh won’t see him til after the trip.

Make other plans with friends if anything comes up, or by yourself if you fancy it - this is important - don’t hang about and see if he contacts you.

Then go on your work trip and don’t think too much about it. If he contacts you take it from there, if he doesn’t, then you’ll know.

So to be clear about the timelines here @GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing - I don't leave to go on the trip for another week from now. Then I will be away on the trip for a week, so that is 2 weeks without seeing each other.

So if he doesn't get in touch soon, this essentially means he isn't making an effort to see me before I go?

Now I know people say play them at their own game and ignore. But if he hasn't been in touch within a week, I would rather end it with a short respectful message that doesn't leave the door open for further communication. I realise some may warn against that - but I think I'd feel better about doing that. Maybe.

Can anyone tell I really need this holiday it IS just so disappointing when you think you've made a consistent man for a change and they start the same dance.

Yes, definitely leave the ball in his court now. He knows you’re going away, so should be wanting to plan to see you before you go. Also pay attention to how he communicates while you’re away (if he does at all…)

I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago - could just tell in my gut that the guy was fading away. I ended up calling him out on it, saying I’d noticed we hadn’t been talking as much, and he eventually replied saying he didn’t want to take things any further. I think it’s important for your own closure that you do call them out on their shitty ghosting behaviour!

@Ace56 good for you! I've called out a ghost before and only thing I regret was how angry I was. In this case, we've shared some very nice times & I'd prefer to close it off respectfully. If he doesn't deserve that? Fine. It is what I feel like doing.

Do you think a week would be too soon to call things off? I personally don't want to have it hanging over me during the trip wondering if he will be in touch in 2 weeks time. I feel a week without contact when he has been hot on my heels would be enough for me to say the enthusiasm isn't there.

I don't want to act rashly either, but I do want someone consistent.

It's hard to say for sure. No offense to men but I think a lot of them can be a bit vague in this way at times. If DP asks when I'll be back, I say a couple of hours or before X o'clock. He says "soon" which to me is how long is a piece of string.
See you soon is something I would say to someone if I knew I was going to see them in a couple of days. Yoyve noticed a shift in him as he usually makes plans but wouldn't do anything about it just now and see if you hear from him. Give yourself a time limit for when you feel is acceptable.

Hmmm I'm not so sure on this one.

My bf has shifts that change a lot and so he would sometimes have to wait quite last minute to confirm availability. Rather than make plans and cancel. He did make extra effort in the dating stage by arranging his shifts to see me but that wasn't sustainable for the long term. So once we were established, it fell to being more relaxed. I work a 9-5 so it took a while to adjust to an irregular shift pattern and defo would get annoyed that he would never be able to plan much in advance. But 18 months later, we've made it work.

So I don't know if he is indeed cooling off: or just moving to a more sustainable dating pattern because in his head he thinks you're more established now. Only way to know is ask!! What's the point of trying for a relationship if you can't even communicate on such basic topics. There's nothing to be gained from having an ego or game playing. Ask him if he does want to meet this week and when might he know what date works.

If you want a decent relationship you will have to learn to be vulnerable and talk to the men you're dating, communicate what works for you and what doesn't. Sure, he may just be phasing you out or like my bf he might just assume you know he's definitely seeing you (since that's the pattern), only a day needs tbc. You lose nothing by asking, it doesn't make you look weak.

See you soon might mean see you soon before you go away, I say see you soon even if it's a short time.
I think you're you could be overthinking, give him benefit of the doubt, even if he did see you on your return its only a week, if he lets you down and makes no attempt after you return then bin him or simply just not contact him either but not before he's done anything wrong.

@samesign

See you soon might mean see you soon before you go away, I say see you soon even if it's a short time. I think you're you could be overthinking, give him benefit of the doubt, even if he did see you on your return its only a week, if he lets you down and makes no attempt after you return then bin him or simply just not contact him either but not before he's done anything wrong.

@samesign I probably am overthinking. Time will tell. It's just that niggly gut feeling - might not always be right but often is.

I don't go away for another week. So that would be 2 weeks from now that I'm back and would see him. I'll try to relax about it for but Id be expecting to hear from him again this week.

For goodness sake,you hardly know him that well after two months.You should not be having any queries about him at this point.

If you don't hear from him the week before you go, I'd send a breezy text saying 'heading off tomorrow. As we haven't spoken, I'm thinking you are moving on. All the best.'

He called and I saw him yesterday. He said he would miss me a lot while I was gone.

I do have some level of anxiety which drives me crazy when dating. I don't let it show to the guys so far though, which is no mean feat

I definitely am still a bit unsure regarding that off gut feeling I had. I still wonder if he might be going on dates with others. I guess I can see how I feel about broaching that when I return. Thanks!

It sounds like he's just getting comfortable and therefore taken the foot off the pedal a bit.

Don't let that spook you.

Just enjoy it :)