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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work's night out

32 replies

user867554 · 17/10/2021 20:13

So my colleagues are planning a staff night out, they all worked through the pandemic and its been a tough time and now that restrictions have eased they are planning a night out.
I haven't been out to a pub or club since Nov 2019, I was diagnosed with cancer during the first lockdown and my confidence is very low.
They are all so excited about going out as a team and I am dreading it, I don't think I can go.
AIBU not to go?

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 17/10/2021 20:18

No, if you dont want to go then dont

CountTessa · 17/10/2021 20:26

Which bit doesn't work for you?

Newbie8365 · 17/10/2021 20:27

Dont ever do anything you dont want to. Its your life, put yourself first not other people.

Notimeforaname · 17/10/2021 20:27

Yanbu. Its awful to be stuck out somewhere you dont want to be and you have not been well. Give yourself a break op. You dont have to go.

AnnaSW1 · 17/10/2021 20:28

I decided not to go to mine and just said I won't be able to make it. No need to explain.

BurntO · 17/10/2021 20:33

Of course not, I’m sure they will understand

Original poster
user867554 · 17/10/2021 20:35

@CountTessa

Which bit doesn't work for you?
I haven't been in a crowded place in nearly 2 years and that makes me anxious. Part of me thinks I should go because it shows I am moving on with my life but then I just keep thinking my confidence is low and I might get panicky been out, if that makes sense 😕
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/10/2021 20:38

Part of me thinks I should go because it shows I am moving on with my life but then I just keep thinking my confidence is low and I might get panicky been out, if that makes sense 😕

Could you start small, like a night out with just one or two friends who understand and then work up to a bigger night out eventually?

FrankButchersDickieBow · 17/10/2021 20:40

If you don't want to go, don't go. Just tell your colleagues you aren't feeling up to it. I'm sure they will understand.

CelebrateAndDream · 17/10/2021 20:41

Blimey...I never go on our work nights out, and there's nothing wrong with me apart from the fact that I simply don't wish to socialise with colleagues 🤣 I don't feel in the least bit guilty about it 🤷‍♀️ Just say no!

RedHelenB · 17/10/2021 20:41

On the other hand you might enjoy it.

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 17/10/2021 20:48

I hate work do's, just tell them you can't make it.

RampantIvy · 17/10/2021 20:51

I hate work do's

Not relevant. Not everyone hates their work colleagues.

just tell them you can't make it.

This ^^ is fine, and under the circumstances perfectly understandable.

Tal45 · 17/10/2021 20:52

I hate work do's, the number of hideous Christmas meals with secret santa I've had to endure. No idea why I did it to myself. Don't go and don't let them pressure you into it.

Tal45 · 17/10/2021 20:53

@RampantIvy

I hate work do's

Not relevant. Not everyone hates their work colleagues.

just tell them you can't make it.

This ^^ is fine, and under the circumstances perfectly understandable.

I don't think people realised they were only allowed to post what you deemed relevant.
jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 17/10/2021 20:55

I have never been on anything work related after paid,contracted hours. Ever!
I'm not interested in getting pissed up with colleagues

MoiraNotRuby · 17/10/2021 20:58

If you want to go but feel apprehensive, I agree with PP - start small. Go to a pub during a quiet time with one trusted person and see how it goes.

If you don't want to go full stop, just say thanks but no thanks.

I hope you are getting good treatment and care and wish you well.

SickAndTiredAgain · 17/10/2021 20:58

Depends on the culture where you work, but where I work if there was a night out, no one would bat an eyelid if someone said “sorry, I won’t be able to make it, maybe next time.” It wouldn’t be an issue.
I have worked at places where there’d be a bit more “oh come on! You should come, why can’t you come” but even then, if you say you have plans, it would still be fine to not go.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/10/2021 21:00

Would you want to if you did feel more confident? Because there's no point pushing yourself to do things you don't actually want.

Is there part of the evening you could go to? Or ask some people for pre-drinks at yours?

CocaColaTruck1 · 17/10/2021 21:01

Absolutely fine if you don't want to go op.
All you have to say is you can't make it

OverweightPidgeon · 17/10/2021 21:07

@MrsTerryPratchett I was just going to say the same.

If you do want to go but are worried about becoming anxious or overwhelmed, is there a colleague that you could confide in who would make sure you’re ok and see you home if it becomes too much ?

TractorAndHeadphones · 17/10/2021 21:08

YANBU. It's not a professional do is it - just something organised informally. You should be under no obligation.
If they will reaaaalllly pressure you into going just agree and then plead sick on the day itself.

Original poster
user867554 · 17/10/2021 21:28

[quote OverweightPidgeon]@MrsTerryPratchett I was just going to say the same.

If you do want to go but are worried about becoming anxious or overwhelmed, is there a colleague that you could confide in who would make sure you’re ok and see you home if it becomes too much ?[/quote]
Thats a good idea and would help me feel less anxious.I don't want to spoil anyones evening though, they are all excited about going out and i don't want to ruin it for them.

OP posts:
OverweightPidgeon · 17/10/2021 23:14

I’m sure you wouldn’t ruin anything for them , tell a colleague how you feel and that maybe you will stay for an hour, you never know, you may feel ok and want to stay longer. It’s also absolutely fine to not go at all . Also, even though everyone seems excited, there might be someone who wants to make an early exit too and so would be happy to leave with you.

AutumnLeaves21 · 17/10/2021 23:29

OP I’m sure you won’t ruin it for them and they’d love to have you there. I think talking to one of two colleagues is a really big old idea. Have an action plan so you can quietly slip off hone if need be-an emergency or prearranged event you need to leave early for. Otoh this night out might do you the world of good and help restore some of your confidence.