Work's night out

[user867554]

So my colleagues are planning a staff night out, they all worked through the pandemic and its been a tough time and now that restrictions have eased they are planning a night out.
I haven't been out to a pub or club since Nov 2019, I was diagnosed with cancer during the first lockdown and my confidence is very low.
They are all so excited about going out as a team and I am dreading it, I don't think I can go.
AIBU not to go?

I'd usually say not to do something you don't want to, but could this be leading to a burgeoning social anxiety problem which you could nip in the bud? I've done so many things I was nervous about but was later glad I'd done.

@KayKayWat

I'd usually say not to do something you don't want to, but could this be leading to a burgeoning social anxiety problem which you could nip in the bud? I've done so many things I was nervous about but was later glad I'd done.

I think thats what worries me that it could lead to a much bigger problem.

You don't need to go and you don't need to explain why you're not going.

I have colleagues that have never come to work parties. They just say they can't make it, nobody makes a big deal of it.

I never go on work nights out, I either tell them that I am completely unsociable murmur something about living too far away.

Is it something you would have once enjoyed, and its your anxiety that's the issue, or something you know you won't enjoy? If the latter, don't go. But if the former, it might be a good idea to push yourself a little. Presumably they won't be hitting the club straight off, so could you maybe just go for the pre drink and then if you're enjoying it you can always stay out? It might also be helpful to drill down as to what exactly you're anxious about. Is it socialising? Crowded places? Covid risk? Something else? Then look at ways to manage the aspects that are making you nervous.

Could you possibly suggest that the evening starts somewhere quieter, with a bit of food, just an hour or so while everyone is arriving. Then when everyone has arrived and had a drink and a bite to eat, you can all move on somewhere else.

Then if you still don't feel up to it, you don't have to carry on to the next bit. Good idea to confide in a trusted colleague first too, then they can back you up if there's any cajoling you to carry on.

Why not just make a deal with yourself that you can go, but as soon as it becomes too much you leave and you don't feel obliged to stay on.
Then just get a taxi or could you OH pick you up?