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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL has invited her mother to our house for christmas (inc. overnight stay) and only told me this afternoon

88 replies

ComeOVenReadyturkey · 09/12/2007 20:32

SO?

OP posts:
Beetroot · 09/12/2007 21:21

and ask him to phone back requesting a case of wine

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 09/12/2007 21:23

There's nothing else for it.

You'll have to pluck and stuff your MIL and serve her for Christmas dinner.

Isn't it traditional to shove a large onion up......

lalalonglegs · 09/12/2007 21:35

Ummm, maybe it's me being a weirdy Italian or something but why wasn't DH's granny invited in the first place? OK, MIL should have consulted you before offering to bring her along but where would she have been going otherwise? Isn't it quite nice to have the dc's great grandmother there?

SelfishMrsClaus · 09/12/2007 21:48

Aw I think a big family Christmas is lovely.

What age is your dh's gran?

I hope it's not the fact that the gran has been invited, but the short notice that's bothering you.

Personally I'd hate to think of anyone, especially the elderly being alone at Christmas. My older sister is the same, to the point that for the last 4 years she has had 3 elderly neighbours who live alone, to her house for dinner

I have my parents on boxing day, as well as dh's parents & his granny. I have invited my sister & her 3 kids for the afternoon... I have no idea where everyone is going to sit as I just have 6 chairs, but what the hell, it's Cristmas

SelfishMrsClaus · 09/12/2007 21:49

Christmas!

bozza · 09/12/2007 22:02

TBH I think YABslightlyU about this. What else is the grandmother to do? I could see your point about the dogs, especially as you have cats and your parents have kenneled their dogs, but a Grandmother?

WendyWeber · 09/12/2007 22:09

Well obviously the grandmother must join the dogs in the kennel.

QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide · 09/12/2007 22:17

Oooh, feel for you CoV.

But you cant say no. It would be heartless to leave an old woman on her own while the entire family is making merry at your house, annoying as it is, and last moment and all.... I am sure it will be fun for the kids.

And you deserve a medal. (or a few liters G&T)

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 09/12/2007 22:17

You really need to know the MIL's previous history to understand this latest gem.

This is a woman who told COV she was borrowing her best dinner service whilst they were away, because after all her son paid for it.

Nightynight · 09/12/2007 22:18

come on

youll enjoy it

rent 2 vietnames pot bellied pigs to take with you next year when its MIL's turn to host christmas.

ExDhsNutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 09/12/2007 22:23

What a nightmare - perhaps make Christmas lunch so blardy awfully inedible that they won't even think about inviting everyone to yours next year?

soapbox · 09/12/2007 22:23

What did you think was happening to dh's GP?

Did you know she was going to be on her own - has MIL been hanging on waiting for you to invite her because it was obvious she had nowhere else to go?

Original poster
ComeOVenReadyturkey · 10/12/2007 09:33

DH told me (mistakenly that grandmother would be in SA for xmas hence no invite. I am not at all bothered that grandmother is coming I am bothered that I wasn't asked if it was ok. We have a 4 bed house and there will be 7 adults and 2 children staying. My daughter is giving up her room for 2 off them, 2 are sleeping on the sofa bed in the playroom, dh and I in our room and the children were sleeping inds's room, which granmother will now have, leaving children in blow up beds on the floor of dh's office.

It is the lack of courtesy that has me riled.

OP posts:
Original poster
ComeOVenReadyturkey · 10/12/2007 09:33

She wouldn't have been on her own as she lives with her other daughter and family.

OP posts:
bozza · 10/12/2007 09:35

Brie I know COV has history with her MIL, but does this extend to the grandmother? I just don't think it would be very nice to leave an old lady on her own because of issues with the MIL.

Original poster
ComeOVenReadyturkey · 10/12/2007 09:38

Bozza, I have no intention of not letting her come, I am just mightly pissed of at MIL inviting her without asking me first, and at such a late date.

OP posts:
bozza · 10/12/2007 09:38

Sorry COV cross posted. I don't think that your children having to sleep on blow up beds is that much of an issue. I did that every Christmas until I was about 20. But I understand the lack of planning would get to you. Having said that I only received an invitation for Christmas last night and accepted it for tea but said we were going to MILs for lunch.

PatsyCline · 10/12/2007 09:50

Your MIL certainly should have asked you out of common courtesy. Explain that you are welcoming the old lady with open arms in a Christmassy fashion but that - with the extra guest - you really feel that the dogs will be too much and you have found a lovely local kennels that they can stay in.

I hope that you have a lovely day. I dread to think that I will ever have to 'do' Christmas. I just whizz off to my lovely mum's - mind you we do have plenty of mad rellies there.

Original poster
ComeOVenReadyturkey · 10/12/2007 09:52

Patsy, the dogs can't go to a kennel because it would be "too traumatic"

OP posts:
ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 10/12/2007 10:01

Oh CoV - understand completely where you are coming from. I would be livid too.

MIL asked your DH what she could do to make it easier for 'him' - he TELLS her that the dogs ARE GOING TO A KENNEL. End of story. He makes it his issue and just puts his foot down hard.

Original poster
ComeOVenReadyturkey · 10/12/2007 10:05

Dh is getting better at standing up to her but knows it is non negotiable re the dogs

OP posts:
tissy · 10/12/2007 10:06

COV, I sympathise.

Can I come to your house for Christmas, too?

My parents will be accommodating 18 people (12 adults, 6 children) in their 5 bedroom house this year; luckily my sister, her husband and their 4 children live in the same town, so they will only be there for the day.

My Mum has flatly refused an offer from my sister to take some guests. She also has a "no sleeping in the sitting room" rule, so there will be :

DM, DD in their huge bedroom
4 little girls in a tiny bedroom (3 on floor, 1 in bed)
Me, DH in study on terribly uncomfortable sofa-bed
DB, DSiL in big bedroom plus baby
DB, DSiL in minute bedroom with baby

the rest in the attic (which shouldn't really be used for sleeping in....)

It's like blardy Christmas in Exeter street!

I'd like some peace and quiet!!!

(We deffo need a bah! humbug emoticon)

Original poster
ComeOVenReadyturkey · 10/12/2007 10:20

18 people , your mother is very brave .

My MIL just seems to think since we are family she has the right to do this sort of thing (did you read bree's comment re the dinner service?) I would never dream of inviting someone to another person's house without checking it is ok (especially to stay overnight).

I will of course be a gracious host and the day will go smoothly (I hope) but it just reinforces my feelings towards her.

DFIL has just emailed me to apologise for all of this and said he will provide all the wine for the day

OP posts:
anniemac · 10/12/2007 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

idlingabout · 10/12/2007 10:28

''She wouldn't have been on her own as she lives with her other daughter and family. ''

This just proves as Brie has pointed out that the Mil is being totally out of order. There was no need to invite her mother at all. My sympathies 'ComeOven' - she sounds like a total cow. At least it sounds like your dh is on side but agree with others that he needs to make the point about the dogs.