To stop family visiting weekly because of my daughter’s autism?

[SENmummy73848]

My DD has autism and because of her attending school now, family tend to visit on the weekends pretty much every week.

It’s mainly older grandparents, and it is the highlight of their week seeing DD, and my mum and siblings that come over.

DD does enjoy seeing them but it is a big sensory overload for her (it’s normally a set of grandparents one day, and then my mum and sibling the next day) especially because she can’t tolerate noises, so she spends most of the day screaming when they are here.

I know that it is a trigger for her, sensory wise, because when it’s just us 2 at home she’s mostly fine and has a lot less screaming fits.

It’s literally becoming so draining, but I feel awful considering it because I know it’s the only thing my older grandparents look forward to every week and who knows how many visits we realistically have left with any of them…

But WIBU to limit visits to fortnightly instead?

DD gets overwhelmed, the constant screaming stresses me out and causes me to snap out at DD (which I already feel awful for because I know it’s not her fault but it’s stressful at times for one person to deal with) and the experience is just becoming a horrible one every time family visit…

I don't get the need to please the older family members at the expense of the younger ones.

Older grandparents once a month max. 2 hrs max including lunch if she can manage that

Others - your mum, who there is obviously an exception for similar to own parents vs in laws.. once a fortnight including them joining the lunch with that older ones. Then the favoured party get to see child once a fortnight

That's enough full stop. I wouldn't bother with evening stuff for meet ups.

DD does enjoy seeing them but it is a big sensory overload for her (it’s normally a set of grandparents one day, and then my mum and sibling the next day) especially because she can’t tolerate noises, so she spends most of the day screaming when they are here

I know that it is a trigger for her, sensory wise, because when it’s just us 2 at home she’s mostly fine and has a lot less screaming fits

Your daughter is using the only way she knows how to let you know she's totally overwhelmed and can no longer cope. She screams.

One, in your words 'screaming fit' should be enough to alert you to see she needs help immediately. She cannot control her situation so she needs you to do it for her.

She needs immediate help at the first sign of screaming.

If you're at home, whatever's causing her to scream needs to be removed immediately, or she needs to be removed from its presence.

If you're out, your daughter needs to be immediately removed from whatever has overwhelmed her so much it's made her scream.

It's not just sensory overload causing overwhelm, it's also her trying to make sense of all the adults' communication with her too.

For your daughter's sake, you need to make some drastic changes to your weekends.

I asked my autistic adult DD what she would do if we had two relatives she loves here to visit on Saturday from 10 til 4 then two more she also loves on Sunday 10 til 4. She was horrified and said she'd leave home and live in a hotel until they'd gone.

I have an autistic child - he absolutely would not cope with this. My priority is that he copes well in school during the week - so weekends are usually fairly empty. There’s lots of things I’d love to fill weekends with but he needs (and it is as much a need as water or air) time at home to quietly do nothing/potter around/be in his own head/immerse himself in his special interest. If we do something on Saturday we don’t do anything on Sunday. If family visit he’s expected to say hello, but otherwise he can be by himself in his room if he needs to be. It’s not ideal, but it’s what he needs, and I value his mental health and stability far above the entertainment of my elderly relatives. In my house they’d be coming for an hour or two, not all day, and not every week.

The visits are way
(!)too long and frequent.
I wouldn't even contemplating doing this to my nt kids..

One every 2/3 weeks. For an hour. Seems plenty. But also take her mood in consideration. Some days might be better for her than others. You should work your schedule around her and her needs. Not the other way around. X