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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think life can be so shit

30 replies

SwimSressNameChange · 17/10/2021 13:26

I've had enough. Everything has got on top of me today. My mum died recently, my son's having a hard time at swim club, we have no money, I'm working a million hours a week to maintain our mortgage and never have time for anything, my brother is very unwell, I can't sleep because of the trauma of watching my mum's agonising death, worrying about my son and his swimming troubles. I'm knackered all the tired. And there are loads of other things there's not space for or would give away who I am.

Why is life so bloody hard. I want a break.

AIBU to think life for some is shit and others seem to just breeze through (they probably don't, but it does feel.like.it sometimes)

OP posts:
gggrrrargh · 17/10/2021 13:31

Life can be shit, I completely agree. Especially when the worst times all happen at once.

I wish I could say something more helpful. Flowers

Lockheart · 17/10/2021 13:32

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling OP, and sorry for your loss.

Is your son stopping swim club an option, at least temporarily? Sounds like that would remove one major problem (judging from your name) and free up some time and money.

Original poster
SwimSressNameChange · 17/10/2021 13:37

Swim club is a whole other story and massively stressful, but he loves swimming and with all other crap going on, I can't take that away

OP posts:
BootsScootsAndToots · 17/10/2021 13:41

YANBU

My dsis has had such a struggle. Granted she has made some bad choices, but she's such a lovely person I just can't reconcile it. The shit this woman has endured, some days it breaks my heart.

I appear now to have it very good but there were a few times that tested me beyond belief. I'm glad I perservered when I didn't think I would be able to.

Things are slowly turning around for my dsis and I really hope they do for you soon too.

Lots of people don't have a clue, but there are many more who understand Flowers

Original poster
SwimSressNameChange · 17/10/2021 13:47

Thanks BootsScootsandToots

Glad things getting better for your dsis

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 17/10/2021 13:48

Life is such a struggle for some people while others seem to hold some kind of golden ticket.

DysmalRadius · 17/10/2021 13:53

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. The relentlessness can be overwhelming and I understand the urge to just press pause on everything and take a break from it all.

Hopefully things will pick up soon, but you are perfectly reasonable to feel like this. Sending solidarity sister.

Stovetopespresso · 17/10/2021 13:59

@SwimSressNameChange you poor thing, life does sound very stressful at the moment. so sorry to hear about your Mum Flowers. give yourself time, go easy on yourself, whatever it takes (for me it was too much white wine for a while but I put a stop to that by mediation, yoga, self-care, friendships, talking it out, reading books I enjoyed, going through some great grief stuff I found online...). this too shall pass...

MatildaIThink · 17/10/2021 14:02

AIBU to think life for some is shit and others seem to just breeze through (they probably don't, but it does feel.like.it sometimes)
Those people either hide their troubles or just deal with them differently, everyone has struggles, you are just acutely aware of yours and theirs are not on display.

One of the hardest things is always the loss of, or feeling you have lost control. Work out the little things you can take control of, the things you can change, some things you can solve in hours, others will take days, weeks, months or even years, but working towards them and taking control will make things feel a whole lot better.

Other things you can't change, like thr death of a parent, but you can change how you respond, that might be talking it through with friends or family, seeing a therapist, taking a short course of antidepressants, sleeping pills to help you sleep.

KatherineJaneway · 17/10/2021 14:06

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Wannakisstheteacher · 17/10/2021 14:08

No child’s sport should be causing you sleepless nights. I’m going to assume your child is 16 and training for a realistic Olympic spot. If not, you need to drop it. You have so much else going on you cannot be giving swim club this much brain space.

QueenBee52 · 17/10/2021 14:09

OP Im so sorry...

could you try breaking down each issue ... get a note book and out each issue onto a separate page...

then under each page.. break down small ways to perhaps resolve each one..

sounds a bit random I know.. but it definitely helps me to write stuff down..

Im so sorry about your Son... can anyone help or intervene 🌸

Looneytune253 · 17/10/2021 14:35

Could you guys take a week off swimming just to rebalance yourselves. Even if you just take him fun swimming instead for a week or two to pull life back a bit. It does sound like you're going thru a tough time though. Please take care of yourself

MujeresLibres · 17/10/2021 14:37

Sorry to hear this. I've recently lost my mum too. Very best wishes Flowers

AlexaShutUp · 17/10/2021 14:40

I hope things get better for you soon, OP.Flowers

Tal45 · 17/10/2021 14:43

Is there an alternative club where you live? I changed clubs at 13/14 and was so glad I did.

ParkheadParadise · 17/10/2021 14:55

Yes life can definitely be shit sometimes.
I think bad times always happen together and makes it feel worse.

You are still grieving the loss of your mum.

Redannie118 · 17/10/2021 14:59

@MatildaIThink im sorry but thats simply not true. I know loads of people whose lives are so drama free that they actually state they wouldnt have a clue what to do if something stressfull happened. Or people for whom the dishwasher breaking down would be the worst thing they could ever imagine. These are people cushioned from stress by a lifetime of love, support and often freedom from financial issues or health problems. And then you get the people brought up in poverty and/or abuse and it follows them their whole lives. They often have no support or love and have to travel through life carrying that trauma aswell as facing new ones utterly alone. These are the people where issues pile up on them to the point they end up with addiction issues and severe MH issues. They still wont get any help or support and will often make bad choices which impact their situation further down the line. Its a never ending cycle thats impossible to escape from and its much more common than you think.

BoredZelda · 17/10/2021 15:01

Those people either hide their troubles or just deal with them differently, everyone has struggles, you are just acutely aware of yours and theirs are not on display.

Regardless, even if everyone else is struggling none of it will make OP’s life easier, her struggles will still be there.

The only option is to change what you can and work out what your priorities are when dealing with the stuff you can’t change and work on the best way to get through it. Find a different swimming club, or take him swimming in an open session for a while until things settle. Deal with each problem one at a time.

Sobeyondthehills · 17/10/2021 15:09

Completely get where you are coming from, when we are so overwhelmed everything just looks like a problem and no way out.
Is there anyway you can take a little bit of time out, even 10 minutes just to sit might help. I generally go and sit in the bedroom, put some mindless shit on for 20 minutes (whose line is it anyway normally) and really concentrate just on that, it helps to distract me from everything else going on in my head

DontLoseYourFightKid · 17/10/2021 15:22

Sending a big hug to you OP. I’m sorry life is being so testing right now, it can be very cruel. Try to find time just to ‘be sad’ and go through the grieving process for your dear mum. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to keep holding everything together right now. I know some things seem so important in life i.e the swimming but health and happiness are what really matter 💖

And don’t be fooled into thinking some people carry a ‘golden ticket’ through life. Everyone at some stage will go through losing a loved one. And most people lead very stressful lives behind closed doors. Very few people have a clue about our life struggles right now because I don’t share them, but currently we’re dealing with numerous severe health problems, I’m waiting for an operation, our DS has just been diagnosed with autism and multiple other special needs, fertility problems and also money worries. Other than close family and a few select friends, no body would have a clue. Even my work colleagues who I see every day.

Life can feel so hard sometimes but just let the tough times make you appreciate the simple things Flowers xx

MydogWillow · 17/10/2021 15:25

OP it sounds like things are really tough at the moment.

It sometimes helps to break things down into chunks and deal with each one in isolation rather than a whole?

Do you have any close friends who you can talk to?

Is your brother's health being overseen by anyone?

You're coping with a lot of pain and need some help. Have you spoken to your doctor about the trauma surrounding your mum's death? You need your sleep. Everything is easier to cope with if when you have decent sleep.

What issues are there with your DS's swim club? If he's at competition level his coach should be able to work something out for a couple of weeks.

How old is he? Is there anything he can help with around the house or cooking etc?

Do you have a boss you can speak with or supportive HR department?

Don't be afraid to ask for help. You must ask. People will be happy to help if they can.

Take care and keep chatting on here. There are some amazing people.

DontLoseYourFightKid · 17/10/2021 15:32

@QueenBee52 this is exactly what I do too! Writing it all down really frees up my mind x

EatSleepRantRepeat · 17/10/2021 15:34

Hi OP, sorry things are so shit at the moment. I don't know your work situation, but would it be possible for you to get some paid time off to help to process everything that's happened with your mum, any depressive symptoms, etc?

If you're paid casually/hourly, is there anything you can do financially to cut back on your hours for a bit? It sounds like you need a way of getting a breather and some time to grieve.

Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it - it's so hard to feel that you're the only person preventing the house of cards collapsing in on itself. Even if a trip to a food bank can help take off some financial pressure or checking you're receiving everything you're entitled to benefits-wise may help - they're there for just this reason, to help people handle huge life events. I've not had to claim for a long time but there is also a money matters board on MN who tend to be helpful.

mij66 · 17/10/2021 15:41

My first suggestion is that if it is at all possible try to get a day off, either take a day or 2 of holiday and give yourself space to either do something enjoyable, ( go out, go for a nice walk, mebbe take son swimming somewhere else a bit fun etc.) or if you need it space to mope and feel crappy, còmfort eat, etc. I'm working two jobs at the moment to fill the hole left in our finances by covid, and my boss at one of my jobs actually recognised I was doing too much so opened up a bit of space for me on the rota. I wasn't keen on the idea at first but having a bit of breathing space even if it's just one day every so often gives you the energy you need to process the things your facing, it wont solve things but it will help.