To think life can be so shit

[SwimSressNameChange]

I've had enough. Everything has got on top of me today. My mum died recently, my son's having a hard time at swim club, we have no money, I'm working a million hours a week to maintain our mortgage and never have time for anything, my brother is very unwell, I can't sleep because of the trauma of watching my mum's agonising death, worrying about my son and his swimming troubles. I'm knackered all the tired. And there are loads of other things there's not space for or would give away who I am.

Why is life so bloody hard. I want a break.

AIBU to think life for some is shit and others seem to just breeze through (they probably don't, but it does feel.like.it sometimes)

Thanks all for your words of encouragement.

I just feel I'm on a treadmill with no way off, and someone keeps cranking up the speed.

I can't take any time off. I had a couple.of days to be with mum when she was dying and a couple of days after she died. I had to take the funeral from annual leave and I get the feeling if I asked for any more leave I would not be popular. My boss says the right things but there is an undertone of '3 days is ample to be off for the death of a loved one and you better not take anymore time off'.

My mum was addicted to benzo's, so when she died I found quite a few packs I've been slowly making my way through!!!!! I see why she liked them now!!! Probably not a good idea to take these!! But they'll run out soon and I'm just trying to find some way of sleeping and reducing my stress levels a bit.

I honestly don't know what to do to calm down, I'm so stressed. I have been smoking, even though I don't normally smoke. Drinking coffee. A bit of wine!! Nothing is taking away the stress and probably just adding to my problems! Tomorrow I might get up early and go for a run and try and eat healthily, but with no sleep I don't know if I can!

I really really really want a pause button.

I feel like one of those city workers on the stock exchange heading for a heart attack - and I literally have no clue how to stop it

OP you really need to see your GP - they'll understand about you taking the benzos but they can be harder than you think to come off, I know because I've done it. Please don't take them on nights you're drinking alcohol either as together they can really impair your judgement, even just after a couple of glasses.

You don't need someone's permission to be sick, mentally or physically, and if you're feeling like this your GP will come up with some strategies to help you.

I hear you @SwimSressNameChange sometimes life is just relentless shit.

My dad died recently, I’m still grieving that. I am a lone parent to a wonderful kid who has a number of additional needs (no ex around just me and my child), my mum is seriously ill, my job is insanely stressful, I’m constantly worried about money. I’ve got a chronic health condition. It can feel entirely overwhelming at times.

Some days are okay, some are great, and some you just survive. You are doing amazingly, and it’s okay to wallow now and then when you need to validate that actually not everyone has it as hard as you do. If those feelings linger try anti depressants. They’re not a magic pill but they can really help. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone

Thank you FetchMeMyTank and EatSleepRantRepeat

I'm so sorry OP, you really are struggling I can see that....

The positive in this is... you are seeing and recognising all of it.. a lot of people don't .. so you are already ahead...

as others have suggested, please speak to your GP.. and be honest.. it'll be a good start