How to be a stronger woman

potentiallyme · 2021-10-16T18:25:00+00:00

I'm mid 40's, think it's quite a difficult transitional age isn't it. So say you've already accepted and embraced this stage of life but there's just something still missing which for me is being a strong woman. I feel there's just still something missing from me, still something holding me back, still that lack of confidence in myself. The inside of me if you know what I mean. I'm trying to not be unreasonable in asking if you've felt this way, if you've found out why and for things you've done that have made you into a strong, secure, content woman.

mbosnz · 16/10/2021 19:26

If that ever happens, I'll be sure to come back and let you know!

pinkhampoppy · 16/10/2021 19:28

Who is completely secure, content and strong though?

What part of lacking in confidence do you mean? In which area of your life?

Original poster

potentiallyme · 16/10/2021 19:29

Please do. Hopefully we'll get some 'got my shit together' woman giving us some good advice here.

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mbosnz · 16/10/2021 19:31

I reckon they're actually a lot more few and far between than perhaps we'd think going by social masks and media!

I'm coming up 50. I can't see it happening, for me, myself.

One thing though, I go by Polonius - to thine ownself be true, and it must follow as night the day, that thou canst not be false to any man.

I'm happy to be thought wrong, as long as I feel that I am doing the right thing. And if it turns out to be the wrong thing, I own it and learn from it.

Original poster

potentiallyme · 16/10/2021 19:32

I literally just mean that feeling of, no matter what's going on in any area of life, I've still got myself, I've got that belief in my character and strength.

I know there's always going to be crap going on, but it's that rise above feeling I don't seem to be able to hang on to.

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Sunshinealligator · 16/10/2021 19:34

As women I don't think we ever get to the point where we feel like we are "there"

But if you look at your life, I presume that you have had children, running a household, supporting friends, family, a partner all at once. That's one hell of a juggling job.

To do that day after day takes strength, to take the daily shit in your stride and continue on for the next day shows perseverance and strength.

Take a look back at your life, think of situations you have faced that you didn't think you would make it through. Situations that you refused to let break you. I can guarantee you will have MANY.

The one way to feel stronger is to do things that make you feel stronger.

Are there things you'd like to try but are scared of? Do them. Remind yourself often that you are a badass.

One thing I've found makes me feel strong is exercise. It makes me feel more assured of myself and able to take on more.

Original poster

potentiallyme · 16/10/2021 19:37

@mbosnz

I reckon they're actually a lot more few and far between than perhaps we'd think going by social masks and media!

I'm coming up 50. I can't see it happening, for me, myself.

One thing though, I go by Polonius - to thine ownself be true, and it must follow as night the day, that thou canst not be false to any man.

I'm happy to be thought wrong, as long as I feel that I am doing the right thing. And if it turns out to be the wrong thing, I own it and learn from it.

Social media is a head f, I agree, for all ages

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Freddiefox · 16/10/2021 19:37

@potentiallyme

Please do. Hopefully we'll get some 'got my shit together' woman giving us some good advice here.

I don’t think it’s about having your shit together, but more accepting that you can’t always have your shit together because you are human.

I recognise that I am a strong women, I was riddled with anxiety, and have suffered with depression at times.

I left my husband, got counselling, and feel on top of everything ( I’m not, genuinely, house Is like a squat at the moment) it I don’t care, emotionally I’m on top of everything.

I’m strong enough to recognise that I can and do my best, and I’m enough.

Sunshinealligator · 16/10/2021 19:37

Also, even if you don't feel strong, take a look around you.

What do people think of you?

You might find that there are a lot of people who regard you as a strong person that they admire, and turn to because they trust you for sound, steadfast advice and never failing strength. Sometimes other people's opinions can make a great deal of difference in how capable we feel.

Jessieabs · 16/10/2021 19:38

Strong, secure and content is A LOT! I think I’m strong, am I secure or content, probs not at the moment..

WhatDidISayAlan · 16/10/2021 19:41

I think I’m probably there. I think it was a combination of my line manager taking the piss and bullying me out of my job, and getting to that certain stage in the menopause (for me at 47) where I really did not give a fuck what most people thought of me. Friends, family, yes - I try to be nice, polite, empathetic etc. But I really don’t suffer fools anymore and that literally arrived overnight.

Original poster

potentiallyme · 16/10/2021 19:43

@WhatDidISayAlan

I think I’m probably there. I think it was a combination of my line manager taking the piss and bullying me out of my job, and getting to that certain stage in the menopause (for me at 47) where I really did not give a fuck what most people thought of me. Friends, family, yes - I try to be nice, polite, empathetic etc. But I really don’t suffer fools anymore and that literally arrived overnight.

How, how do you not let that affect you, what thoughts process do you have. I'm pleased you can do this.

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Tabbypawpaw · 16/10/2021 19:59

My mother is very much like this. For her it was circumstances - her first husband she married straight out of Uni had an affair (they had two young children) and eventually left her for the other woman. It wasn’t a good period in which to be divorced (early 70s). She told me once she had a hard look at her life and realised she’d always be ‘that woman X divorced’ if she stayed on the street where she was living/same job. She upsticked to a very developing country, had some incredible experiences, married someone else and had more great life experiences and travelling around, learning and expanding on that learning so she became an expert in her area. Particularly later in life (maybe mid 40s) onwards she became quite tough. She once told me ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get’; I think she’d put on a persona that she wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. That’s not to say she’s not a difficult person. But quite interesting for me to think about how she’s gone through life. I’ve had some difficult periods too with loneliness and being far away from family (only having myself to rely on for long years)…it’s made me feel like I know myself inside out if you know what I mean. I won’t let myself be taken for a ride. Not long ago we were on holiday and some random crazy stopped us to talk about his city. The chat quickly verged into anti semitism/all the things wrong with the Jews. I told him I didn’t have to listen to this and walked off but all the while my husband was politely smiling (painfully) and trying to edge away. His mother is Jewish and I said why on earth didn’t you tell him to fuck off? He said he didn’t want to offend him (to be fair I think he only grasped what the guy was banging on about towards the end). Anyway…rambling on and don’t think of myself as strong but know myself well and what I’ll stand for.

Original poster

potentiallyme · 16/10/2021 20:07

Tabbypawpaw. You sound strong, your mother has passed on some traits.

I know I've had a lot of life experiences and know I have had the strength to come through them, for better or worse I'm not sure, maybe it's that self doubt. I don't seem to be able to reassure myself that I'm as good as anyone else.

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missymayhemsmum · 16/10/2021 20:11

When you realise that people will treat you as badly as you will put up with. It's not you, its them.
That you can say no. Or yes
That the people who speak most authoritatively are often talking shit and making it up as they go along.

That you can do whatever you make up your mind to do if you tell the doubting voice in your head to shut the f up and just get on with it.
That when shit happens you will cope, because you always have.
Comfy underwear, clothes that make you feel good and great friends help.
Embrace your battleaxe years

HowardNoir · 16/10/2021 20:20

When you realise how much shit you've experienced and how you got through it, you start to realise you're capable of much more than you give yourself credit for. Some people make a list of everything they're grateful for each day, maybe you could write a list of 3 things you've achieved each day. Even something as small as tidying the kitchen or responding to an email. I find praising myself for small achievements helps me feel more confident when facing bigger tasks. Appreciating yourself is a great step towards knowing your worth.

Original poster

potentiallyme · 16/10/2021 20:34

A biggy for me is what others presume of me, that's definitely something I feel holds me back. More so what other woman think of me. I work with a lot of woman and I feel they're all so much more comfortable and confident than I could be. I go to pieces and feel so deflated besides them. Not that they personally make me feel that way at all. It's me my own personal feelings

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Needspace21 · 16/10/2021 20:36

I'm 45 pretty strong self reliant and independent. It can be very isolating though. Strength is overrated. Vulnerability is probably better long term.

Wester · 16/10/2021 20:38

I'd interpret being strong as being resilient.

Being able to cope with any situation and rise above it. Unfortunately, resilience is something you gain by experiencing awful things and finding out for yourself how to deal with it.

WhatDidISayAlan · 16/10/2021 20:39

Absolutely agree it’s partly down to how much shit you have to deal with. I used to be a total people pleaser - then in the space of 15 years my parents, siblings and brother died. Plus I went out with an arsehole of a man for far too long. When you aren’t having a great time you really find out who your friends are (and aren’t). So I started with those. Because my family all have a habit of dying far too early Injust really started to lose patience with people who really did have first world problems. I act like a grumpy old cow sometimes, but I am very true to myself, very loyal to my friends, don’t sweat the small stuff, don’t follow influencers, unfollow people who wind me up on Facebook (posts about woo, MLMs, etc) and that sort of thing.

I basically Marie Kondo’ed my life 😃

Buggritbuggrit · 16/10/2021 20:40

@potentiallyme

I literally just mean that feeling of, no matter what's going on in any area of life, I've still got myself, I've got that belief in my character and strength.

I know there's always going to be crap going on, but it's that rise above feeling I don't seem to be able to hang on to.

I didn’t actually understand your question/what you were looking for until I read this. I have complete belief in my character. I think I’m pretty great. Apart from a slightly wobbly bit during my angst filled teens, I think I always have.

Original poster

potentiallyme · 16/10/2021 20:46

Buggeritbuggerit

What is it inside you that makes you great?

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Armychefbethebest · 16/10/2021 20:50

I've gone through a lot of shit in my life I was abused age 8 , I went through horrendous beatings and emotional beatings from my narcissistic mum. I was replaced at 17 by my younger brother after I joined the army . My father I've not seen from 6 I found him at 21 but he didn't want to know , I have made some seriously questionable choices some good , some awful and it wasn't until I hit rock bottom and took a hard look at myself and my life .I felt everyone who was meant to love me and protect me had shat on me. I have 4 children as I wanted so badly to be loved but as I said rock bottom stopped me trying to be the young women seeking approval and love. I started to work on myself I would look in the mirror and see the doubtful confused young woman turn into a grown woman with her shit together . I have a job I love , I help the youths in my community with their journeys, I'm with the partner I should have been with 20 years ago it would have saved so much heartache haha. And my children mostly grown up are happy, healthy and well rounded individuals who know they are loved . I know my own standards my own expectations and I actually love the woman I have worked so hard to become and as for my parents I don't need the negative in my life blood or not , once I have been wronged then people are cut off and I no longer blame myself.

Original poster

potentiallyme · 16/10/2021 20:54

Armychefbethebest.....that's what I'm talking about, you're who I need advice from, you did it, you became and now are a strong woman. A STRONG WOMAN

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ponkydonkey · 16/10/2021 20:55

@Needspace21

I'm 45 pretty strong self reliant and independent. It can be very isolating though. Strength is overrated. Vulnerability is probably better long term.

Totally agree! It's not what others think It's what you think of yourself

I am a strong woman, because I think I am
And I am because I've realised that boundaries and stoic beliefs are the way forward! I'm 50 it's taken a while