How to be a stronger woman

[potentiallyme]

I'm mid 40's, think it's quite a difficult transitional age isn't it.
So say you've already accepted and embraced this stage of life but there's just something still missing which for me is being a strong woman. I feel there's just still something missing from me, still something holding me back, still that lack of confidence in myself. The inside of me if you know what I mean.
I'm trying to not be unreasonable in asking if you've felt this way, if you've found out why and for things you've done that have made you into a strong, secure, content woman.

Tbh what got me there is pain. Being raped by a family member as a child, being repeatedly beaten and raped by my ex leaving me pregnant and alone. Being cheated on. A big part was being a single parent as I had to fiercely protect him and with that also meant moving away from all of my friends, hundreds of miles away so my ex (his father who raped me resulting in conception) wouldn't get anywhere near us.

I think hardship plays a role. I am self made. I believe i could rebuild my life if you took everything away as I have done it.
I am a glass half full person. I know I'm nice. Im kind to people who need kindness but can happily telI dickheads to sod off.
I haven't become hard though. I don't feel one iota of guilt about any part of my life. I smile. I take care of myself. I don't dwell too hard on anything mostly because I'm too busy to give it head space. For me 45 is prettyfabulous

@potentiallyme I just genuinely like myself. I think we all have a number of things/traits/achievements that we consider admirable or commendable in people. I have all of the things/traits/achievements that I, personally, consider admirable or commendable in people

I’m intelligent and capable. I was always academically bright, and now have a successful career. I have a fantastic relationship. And, so on. I don’t think I’ve ever massively doubted myself or my abilities.

I’ve never really thought about it in those terms. This is an interesting thread.

Thanks op it took a lot of work but I like me and those who don't well... I don't care anymore I used to but I've reached the conclusion you just don't gel with some people and that's OK. Also the feeling you don't deserve something and feeling like you shouldn't take the job or you don't deserve the beautiful house yes you do !!! Or it wouldn't be there for you people often see our worth before we do. Also as I've got older I've realised over the years I've run myself ragged working running the house , making sure the kids were well looked after but I forgot myself . Nowadays I have plenty of me time everyone gets a piece of me but just a slightly smaller one so I get a piece too . Xx do you know what you feel you are missing op ? X

I think women consistently underestimate their capabilities and undervalue their achievements, women are pretty amazing.

A biggy for me is what others presume of me, that's definitely something I feel holds me back.

I can relate to this but I reached a bit of a crisis point in my mid thirties and was given some excellent advice and tough love, I'll share the gist here with the intention of being helpful rather than rude.

Why do you think you are owed someone else's good opinion of you?
Is it not slightly codependent to make someone else responsible for building your confidence?
If you give someone else power to build your self esteem then you also give them the power to take it away, why would you do that?
To thine own self be true has become a cliché but there is truth in it, know who you are, if you don't like that person change it but don't compromise your core values to please someone else.
You are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own, never let anyone try to make you feel you are.
Run your "fucks to give" account in overdraft, you will know when you are in the wrong.
Don't take yourself and life too seriously, we're born, we die, try to make the bit in-between fun.

Like I said I was at a crisis point and receptive to doing things differently which meant changing the way I saw the world and my place in it. Becoming who we're meant to be is a life's work but not one we should obsess about.

FOJN
those words. I will definitely try to comprehend them.