Am I cold and selfish?

[DoleWhipFloat]

A friend’s relative has had a baby. I would call that person more of an acquaintance.

I didn’t realise that this person had given birth. In fact, I didn’t know she was pregnant. The reason is that, whilst I do have her on my FB as a friend, I have unfollowed her. Hence, I didn’t send a card or even a FB message. (I have now byw).

If someone I know adds me as a friend on FB, I generally accept. But I feel not an ounce of interest in their updates so I unfollow everyone. I only ‘follow’ and receive updates for my siblings. Nearly every one of my ‘50’ FB friends is shut off. So realistically I receive updates for around 2 people and a lot of my interests e.g. Gatorland.

Anyway, I tried to explain this to upset friend, who didn’t respond as expected and was horrified that I unfollow everyone. I had showed her my phone to prove this. She accused me of being cold and selfish, and that clearly I have no interest in anyone but myself.

I’m a little hurt by this. Am I unreasonable unfollowing everyone? Am I unreasonable for not noticing therefore that friends relative had a baby. I mean, she could have called and told me?!

Just for information, I rarely post myself (last post was a pic of something I made a year ago) and don’t give two hoots if anyone replies.

@BoredZelda people in the groups I follow abd belong to are easier to find/tag etc if we’re ‘friends’ so arranging meets/activities etc is easier.
Doesn’t mean I want to see what they had for breakfast each morning …….
Also, I’m ‘friends’ with some people for my work. Have no interest in their lives.

Also, f/b tells you friends birthdays, so you can still send them a message even if you’ve unfollowed.

It’s not about wanting them to see my posts - I rarely post on my public feed and wouldn’t mind in the slightest if they unfollow me straight away.

I think that scrolling through millions of people’s updates is not terribly healthy - you only have to read the posts on here of people comparing their lives/feeling miffed they weren’t invited for drinks etc to see it causes more bad feeling than good.

Even if I had seen my friend’s sister had had a baby on FB, I wouldn’t have sent a card. Not even my best friend, much less someone I meet for a coffee a few times a year. Nor if I was told in person either. Why on earth would I? Since when was “friend’s sister had a baby” an occasion for a card?

I am on FB only for the groups. Have hidden everyone's updates. I dont add friends any more. Maybe I am cold and selfish then. I dont really want to know the minute details of people's lives.

I think if you accept a friend then that means you are interested in their life. If you unfollow then you are not actually interested in them. That doesn't have anything to do with being cold or selfish though and so I don't understand your friends argument

I had something like this just this week...a mutual friend of myself and my partner - his father was terminally ill and died of cancer. I'd unfollowed said friend years ago as he's more of my partner's friend than mine, and tbh I find him very annoying online...he's very 'woke' and as a 45 year old man has recently decided that he's 'gender fluid' and has changed his first name to a 'gender neutral' one and started wearing make up (he looks awful). Partner told me about both his father and the name change as I of course didn't see any of it...partner was a bit taken aback and was saying 'oh you should send him a message, he'd really appreciate it, he really likes you'...I was a bit miffed with partner, thinking 'if we are such great mates as he makes out I'd expect to be told directly, not have to find out through social media, and I'm not so insecure I need to be told that others like me'...but then again I'm 53 and don't live my life on there like so many seem to nowadays...

Don't understand why you're accepting friend requests given the way that you use the platform (no judgement implied).

If you really don't want to reject friend requests, how about changing your settings so that people either can't search for you and/or can't add you as a friend?

@Redjumper1

I think if you accept a friend then that means you are interested in their life. If you unfollow then you are not actually interested in them. That doesn't have anything to do with being cold or selfish though and so I don't understand your friends argument

I am interested in meeting my friends in person. But I don't really care for "FB behaviour", for lack of a better word. Even the most sensible people seem to post a steady stream of pouty selfies, love notes to their husbands who are in the next room, and endless photos of their children/lunch/ outfits. I sometimes have to add people because other wise they keep asking, but why do I need to look at their feeds?

I've unfollowed a lot of FB friends too OP. If I hadn't all I would get on my feed would be cat videos . I just follow groups and other local businesses too.

Ignore your friend. What and who you follow on FB is your business and no one else's.

I don't use Facebook, I use Twitter.

I've got loads of 'friends' on FB. I've hidden almost all of them for various reasons - sharing endless Minions memes, a thousand and two holiday photos, promoting their sister's MLM, lentil weaving, whatever.

If I get a friend request, I'll accept it out of courtesy, but if I then start getting dozens of dull posts from them clogging up my feed all day long then I'll hide them.

If I posted something on Facebook, I wouldn't expect everyone to know about it. Mind you, I rarely post. If it's important, I'd find out anyway. I have a scroll about once a month, but usually just use it to see links to things. I have clear lines on social media, so Twitter is for strangers, LinkedIn for work etc. I leave requests hanging from personal for LinkedIn etc, which is probably equally annoying as unfollowing. I don't think that makes me cold, it's just the way I use SM! I hope this blows over for you OP - it does seem a bit of a storm in a teacup.

YANBU. It’s a friend’s sister that you don’t even count as a friend - not sure why she’s in a huff that you aren’t avidly following her life updates! I have relatives and acquaintances like this - I’d never have know their news unless I read their Facebook updates. In the end, I left Facebook and figured that I always know about the news of people who matter because I’d see or hear from them. It really weeded out who were really friends and who were simply people I knew. It’s quite clear that your life hasn’t been badly affected by not seeing this woman’s posts and it’s more about her feeling offended that you aren’t particularly interested!