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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to help me work this out?

724 replies

Lulu2021 · 16/10/2021 13:25

My head is a mess as I'm going through some relationship difficulties with a young baby and I'm trying to make sense of my entitlement to financial help.

I've done a UC calculation a few times but it comes out with an amount that i think is an overestimate.

My details are;

  • FT salary of £47,126, net monthly income £2,516 after deductions.
  • 2 DC (ages 15 years and 6 months) - no childcare costs for eldest, costs of £700 pm for youngest when I go back to work from mat leave.
  • child maintenance of £120 pm for the eldest child only.
  • private rented property
  • no other benefits claimed
  • no significant savings

It's telling me I'd be entitled to in the region of £650 pm as a single parent. Does this sound right? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lulu2021 · 17/10/2021 09:04

@emptyempire

The slime gave me a much needed laugh too 😂

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 17/10/2021 09:04

It's impossible to say without the lha, however it does seem akot for your high salary. If it is correct it will mainly be childcare I would imagine

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 17/10/2021 09:07

All the best OP - the daft comments from the race to the bottom crew are why we're being held back from being a modern social democracy and forced to live in Daily Mail land instead.

MissMaple82 · 17/10/2021 09:09

In all honesty though, on that kind of salary I wouldn't be expecting anything, you're hardly classed as low income which is what UC is there for, low income families.

MissMaple82 · 17/10/2021 09:19

How are you going to struggle though?? Outgoings are not taken into consideration. I'd say apply but I wouldn't at all be surprised for your first assessment to be £0 , I am a single parent earning 500 per month and my assessment comes out at 800 including some childcare. I'm just putting things into perspective for you. If your ex has helped accumulate debt then your ex is responsible for paying towards that debt. And as someone else stated incorrectly, being single doesn't entitle you to UC, it's based solely on houshold earnings

Getawaywithit · 17/10/2021 09:20

How dare I suggest the PARENTS of a child pay for their child themselves not UC. We all have different values and are raised differently you have your opinion ion and I have mine

Pretty ignorant. You really need to have a bit of a think. The OP is about to be working full time on a decent salary. She’s doing her bit. She can’t control what her ex does. What she is entitled to on benefits doesn’t change regardless of what the ex pays in maintenance. OP has plenty of values otherwise she’d be looking to give up her job rather than make sure she can pay for childcare.

Good luck, OP. This is a lesson in how people think they own you if you claim any benefits. They think they have the right to pick over your life and judge you. Plenty of people would put us in the workhouse…

Runforthehills857 · 17/10/2021 09:30

A single Mum has absolutely every right to request help with childcare for a small period of time so she can continue to work and continue to pay into the system that she has and will continue to contribute to long into the future.

Should she quit work all together?

Some people.

Newmumatlast · 17/10/2021 09:36

[quote Lulu2021]@HeyArnoldHey

"A bit rude"?! When someone wishes that a newly single mum going through a really shitty time would struggle financially? That poster literally said "I hope it's wrong". Why?! No need. [/quote]
They're not hoping you would struggle financially. I think they just don't understand how you would. So I wouldnt take it as them wishing financial difficulty upon you x

ivykaty44 · 17/10/2021 09:39

UC, it's based solely on houshold earnings

Perhaps read the entire thread and you will find out why the above statement is incorrect

And if you have read the entire thread, not sure why you don’t understand what you’ve stated is incorrect

RippleEffects · 17/10/2021 09:40

I'm disgusted by this thread. Progressive society !!!!

The problem here is we don't as a society vilify absentee non contributing parents - we instead victim blame the insitu parent doing their hardest to make ends meet and raise our future generations.

We need to give ourselves a proper head wobble.

Your Ex is scum. Infact, scum squared as he does this not just to your children but his other child. Yet he walks free in society - we have all got this so wrong.

Childcare is one of the biggest barriers to gaining control of finances and being free to progress your own life and control.

If we could find a way of pulling together and acknowledging this we might actually be able to instigate change for future victims and break down some of the single parent stigma.

The CMS encourage trying an informal agreement yourself. Shockingly it can work to do an estimate based on things you know, put it in writing and see what happens. Obviously, it can not work but its worth trying. Then theres the never quite having the confidence to build that money into your budget as game playing can commence.

I've tried to live debt free. I don't actually think this was always the wisest thing to do. When you did your studies and took on your student loans you did it investing in your future. Knowing your potential could be reached and you'd be able to repay that debt.

Now is time to reinvest in your future and your career progression. Your childcare costs are going to be significantly higher for the first few years than subsequent ones and with young DC career progression can also be a little more challenging - as they become more independent (it flys by) your career can potentially progress again.

Interest rates are at an all time low. If you spread the costs over say 10 years rather than paying all upfront you may give yourself a little breathing space and make the journey forwards more comfortable for you all.

You're obviously an intelligent women. It feels like a minefield at first. You will survive. You will find your path forwards and if you have days where you can skim over the negative posters mumsnet can see you through, just like it did me and many, many others here.

emptyempire · 17/10/2021 10:08

[quote Lulu2021]@emptyempire

The slime gave me a much needed laugh too 😂[/quote]
Haha....freudian slip, my daughter had a couple of years turning my house into a slime factory. I'm clearly still in recovery

@RippleEffects has it! I agree, society should be focusing on getting these men to pay for their children, rather than castigate the lone working mothers trying to make ends meet and paying for childcare single handedly in order to work.

honeylulu · 17/10/2021 11:10

The problem here is we don't as a society vilify absentee non contributing parents - we instead victim blame the insitu parent doing their hardest to make ends meet and raise our future generations

This in a nutshell! Well said @RippleEffects

I can't find the other post that I was going to quote but it was something along the lines of "why should the taxpayer subsidise a relatively well paid mum?" No no no! That is looking at completely the wrong issue. We should be saying how wrong it is that the taxpayer is effectively subsidising a well paid but selfish, feckless DAD! £120 in maintenance when childcare to enable the mother to work is £700, and whilst he has a hidden income the CMS is seemingly showing no interest in. What a shambles!

Babyroobs · 17/10/2021 11:30

@honeylulu

The problem here is we don't as a society vilify absentee non contributing parents - we instead victim blame the insitu parent doing their hardest to make ends meet and raise our future generations

This in a nutshell! Well said @RippleEffects

I can't find the other post that I was going to quote but it was something along the lines of "why should the taxpayer subsidise a relatively well paid mum?" No no no! That is looking at completely the wrong issue. We should be saying how wrong it is that the taxpayer is effectively subsidising a well paid but selfish, feckless DAD! £120 in maintenance when childcare to enable the mother to work is £700, and whilst he has a hidden income the CMS is seemingly showing no interest in. What a shambles!

But even if op's ex paid a significant amount in CM, op would still get exactly the same amount of UC so the tax payer will still be paying exactly the same ? I absolutely believe absent parents should be forced to pay for their kids by whatever means it takes but that isn't going to alter the fact that op is entitled to UC as well.
Musereader · 17/10/2021 12:05

And for all those of you saying that her income is too high, what would be low enough for it to be acceptable for her to get help? And why that threshold?

The thing is she will not get or need help once child is 5 and goes to school, or maybe even when they are 3 and get the 30 hours of childcare, she will be getting about 300 towards childcare for 2-4 years that is it and then she won't be eligible at all like the others of you on a similar wage, why do you begrudge her that help for the 2 years when her childcare is highest? Would you feel better if it was not UC that was giving her some money towards childcare but some other government scheme? Why is it her fault that the help towards childcare for 2 years is going to come from UC?

FWBNC · 17/10/2021 12:25

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

All the best OP - the daft comments from the race to the bottom crew are why we're being held back from being a modern social democracy and forced to live in Daily Mail land instead.
Bollocks. The benefits are designed to help those that need it out. Not those on a decent salary who don't want to stop their voluntary pension contributions (savings) and debt they got into so they could save!

It's not designed to 'pay off' £2000 beds etc.

I don't begrudge a single Penny to those that need it, but I'm flabbergasted that people get UC when they are on £47000
& might struggle to pay childcare because they have a lease car, £2000 beds on finance and pay into savings as priorities.

I don't think that's really controversial.

Original poster
Lulu2021 · 17/10/2021 12:27

@FWBNC

It's the childcare costs of £700 per month without a second income that will financially** cripple me. Not the bed, ffs. Stop deliberately missing the point and just leave the thread unless you have anything remotely constructive to add.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lulu2021 · 17/10/2021 12:30

I mean. If I didn't have the bed I could free up £50 a month. Ooh let's see. That would buy me one whole day of childcare per month with £12 left over 👍🏻

Yep. You're right. I need to get rid of the bed.

OP posts:
drpaddington · 17/10/2021 12:30

@Boobahs I don't know if you already know but there's a Facebook group, universal credit essentials. The admins are really knowledgable and will be able to help you check whether your award is correct. If it's not, they'll know how to help you sort it.

drpaddington · 17/10/2021 12:31

@Lulu2021 you should also join the Facebook group!

QuestionableDanceMoves · 17/10/2021 12:32

@FWBNC her outgoings other than rent and childcare aren’t taken into consideration when UC is calculated so what you’re so het up about is a moot point.
Ultimately her take home pay (excluding her student loan deductions) means she can get around £330 towards her living costs which will help her stay in work and continue contributing financially to society.
If you don’t agree with the system then there’s no point berating OP for it, write to your MP.

Original poster
Lulu2021 · 17/10/2021 12:36

[quote drpaddington]@Boobahs I don't know if you already know but there's a Facebook group, universal credit essentials. The admins are really knowledgable and will be able to help you check whether your award is correct. If it's not, they'll know how to help you sort it. [/quote]

Yes I am aware, thank you! x

OP posts:
drpaddington · 17/10/2021 12:36

@FWBNC her outgoings (aside from things like rent and childcare) make no difference! If she's entitled to UC, she's entitled to it. I can see some people don't like that, but they need to blame the system, not the OP! She didn't make the rules.

Original poster
Lulu2021 · 17/10/2021 12:41

I don't begrudge a single Penny to those that need it, but I'm flabbergasted that people get UC when they are on £47000
& might struggle to pay childcare because they have a lease car, £2000 beds on finance and pay into savings as priorities.

Bed. Singular. I don't have multiple beds.

I "paid into savings as priority" as part of a couple because I was pregnant and we jointly planned a baby , which would require me to be on maternity leave losing £800 of my net income. We saved jointly to cover that shortfall for me to have 9 months of mat leave. What was the alternative? Should I have struggled through mat leave instead? Would that have made bitter people like you happy?

Yes, I have a car on a finance agreement. It's not an extravagant top end brand new one, either. It's pretty middle of the road.

And no; I don't shop in Waitrose as suggested by a pp early in the thread. I've never stepped foot in one, wouldn't even know where my local one is. 😂 I shop in Aldi and Tesco. Not that it's relevant. I just felt the need to clear up a few wildly inaccurate (and in some cases amusing) misconceptions about my life.

OP posts:
Reallyimeanreally2022 · 17/10/2021 12:42

And you’re back

PicturesOfLily · 17/10/2021 12:44

@FWBNC I can’t believe you are criticising op paying into a pension scheme! It is completely different to having savings. She rents so no housing security (& very little chance of saving a deposit in the next few years). If she were to opt out now, she’d not only miss out on employer contributions but also really struggle to make up her own contributions before retirement when it’s massively more expensive. Paying into her pension now is safeguarding against future poverty and/or needing to claim a damn sight more in the future. How many posts do we see on here about making sure you have adequate pension provision?!

Best of luck op. I certainly don’t begrudge you a little help for a couple of years so you can keep working and look after your girls. I’m disappointed that so many do.