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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I in the wrong?

36 replies

lyssie29 · 16/10/2021 12:19

Hi my sister and I just had an argument. We went for a walk with my 2 kids and her toddler. I always make sure my 2 (ages 6 and 8) stick close and not run too far because her 2 year old likes to walk along with them. If he's not there they can run along and play, climb trees etc just like kids their age do. He likes to copy everything they do. Today we walked past a small beach with rocks and they wanted to go down and walk along it while we walked above and I told them no because he'll want to go down and he would be upset but I promised they could on the way back because it was close to the carpark and if he got upset we were close to car anyway. My sister heard me say this. So I let them. Her son cried a bit but I let him walk along the edge of the stones and he was ok. But then half way along he started crying because he wanted to go down (it wasn't far at all it was only a stretch of about 200 metres and we were almost at the car when he started crying) so because he started crying my sister got angry with me for allowing my children to walk along the beach. It was literally the one thing I said they could do out of the whole walk. I said she was selfish because they have to stop doing alot of stuff because he cries as he can't do it and it was only one thing. She said I should have told them no and waited until he was in the car then walked back with them (she didn't suggest this earlier and only said it after he started crying) am I being unreasonable to get annoyed about this? Surely you can't expect all kids to stop doing everything because yours might get upset? She said I was selfish because it upset him so I shouldn't have allowed them to do it. So to me it sounds like my kids can't do anything at all unless he can do it too even just one thing because he'll cry.

OP posts:
GoldChick · 16/10/2021 12:25

You've done nothing wrong she's being silly.

BlueSuffragette · 16/10/2021 12:29

Your sister needs to realise the children are at different stages in their development. It is not always appropriate that her little one does what your children do. She needs to understand and manage this. You did nothing wrong.

SentDeliveredRead · 16/10/2021 12:34

Your sister is barmey. Your children sound very sweet, accommodating him for so long
That poor lad is going to end up very disappointed when he realises not everything pivets around him. Not his fault though

dementedpixie · 16/10/2021 12:37

Could she not have gone down with him so he could be on the beach too?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 16/10/2021 12:40

If she was that bothered then she should have just gone down on the beach with her DS. She's being ridiculous

Travis1 · 16/10/2021 12:41

Your sister is batshit. Bit of PFB?

TheChiefJo · 16/10/2021 12:41

Why didn't she take her toddler on the beach for a bit if it mattered to her? YANBU at all. Your DC aren't responsible for her tot.

lyssie29 · 16/10/2021 12:50

Thank you everyone. Yes that's what I said to her when we were arguing that she could have taken him down. There was rocks but further up there was a proper entrance onto the beach. But I don't even think she considered it she was just angry with me for allowing my kids to do it and kept saying she couldn't because there was rocks and now I'm the bad guy for spoiling the day.

OP posts:
HippeePrincess · 16/10/2021 12:53

I’d never stop older kids doing things because of little ones that’s bonkers, young kids need to learn they can’t always do things they want and the parents have to help them navigate this. That kid will be a spoiled brat with no ability to manage emotions when they grow up.

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2021 13:03

Your sister's mad.

But why didn't you all walk along the beach? I mean if all 3 kids were siblings you'd have to cope.

Or (as your sister is the one with the problem) she should've taken her child on the beach.

liveforsummer · 16/10/2021 13:14

Your nephew needs to learn the life lesson that you can't always do everything others do. Whilst it's nice that your dc wait and spend time with him - not all dc would be so accommodating - they certainly shouldn't have to be completely restricted to things a 2 year old can do. YANBU

lyssie29 · 16/10/2021 13:16

@WorraLiberty she had the pram so we wouldn't be able to walk along the beach with it on that section.

She just always seems to get annoyed at me or my children if her son cries because he can't do what they're doing. She says I'm selfish because I would rather see him upset so my kids are happy and I don't think of him. I said to her he's going to have to learn as that's not how life works but it was just going in one ear out the other.

OP posts:
BeMoreQueer · 16/10/2021 13:17

My kid has a disability, I don’t expect all the other parents to make their kids not do anything my kid can’t do

All kids need to learn to take no for an answer and deal with a bit of disappointment

If she wants to come hang with us on the neuro ward i can show her what unfair really feels like.

Iloveacurry · 16/10/2021 13:23

So she’s ok if your kids are upset if they can’t do something they want?! She’s being a little precious.

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2021 13:25

[quote lyssie29]@WorraLiberty she had the pram so we wouldn't be able to walk along the beach with it on that section.

She just always seems to get annoyed at me or my children if her son cries because he can't do what they're doing. She says I'm selfish because I would rather see him upset so my kids are happy and I don't think of him. I said to her he's going to have to learn as that's not how life works but it was just going in one ear out the other.[/quote]
She could've put the pram in the car.

NoraEphronsNeck · 16/10/2021 13:25

Take your children out without your sister and have a nice time doing age-appropriate things.

Your sister needs to find other friends with similar aged children if she can't manage her DC's behaviour.

DrManhattan · 16/10/2021 13:26

Your sister is being unreasonable. The world doesn't revolve around her little boy.

lyssie29 · 16/10/2021 13:29

@WorraLiberty yes she could have done or I would have stayed with it while she went down but she didn't even think of it she just started on me as soon as he started crying went in a strop and walked off to put him in the car while telling me how selfish I was being.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/10/2021 13:33

[quote lyssie29]@WorraLiberty yes she could have done or I would have stayed with it while she went down but she didn't even think of it she just started on me as soon as he started crying went in a strop and walked off to put him in the car while telling me how selfish I was being.[/quote]
She sounds like one of those parents who believe 6 and 8 year olds are actual adults, in comparison to their toddlers Grin

Annoying but you do get them.

Anonymice1 · 16/10/2021 13:57

Your sister is crazy. Next time let your children do whatever they want. They are children too, and should be allowed to behave like it. Confused

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 16/10/2021 14:07

Tell
Her if she behaves like that with friends that have children a different age she's going to end up doing a lot of walks on her own Hmm

She's the parent. She should have taken him down to the rocks to play if he wanted to go.

vivainsomnia · 16/10/2021 14:14

Oh dear, if thats her reaction to him not always getting what he wants at 2yo, what is he going to be like as a teenager!

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 16/10/2021 14:34

Your sister is a dick . So you either stop these walks that must be miserable at times for your kids, or you go on the understanding that they will act and play according to their age, not the whims of a 2 yo.

ANameChangeAgain · 16/10/2021 14:47

She sounds like hard work. Sadly this attitude isn't uncommon and is the reason mine can't stand being around their 6 years younger cousin. When with grandparents they weren't allowed to do anything the cousin couldn't join in with. They just saw her as a spoilt little brat and avoid her like the plague now.

AtomicBlondeRose · 16/10/2021 14:58

She’s in the wrong - 6 and 8 is the perfect age to start doing things a little bit more independently like that and it’s completely natural for them to want to and for you to allow it. Part of parenting it managing kids who are too young to do stuff but want to join in! The little one has his own stuff they’re too old for as well. It all evens out.

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