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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I in the wrong?

36 replies

lyssie29 · 16/10/2021 12:19

Hi my sister and I just had an argument. We went for a walk with my 2 kids and her toddler. I always make sure my 2 (ages 6 and 8) stick close and not run too far because her 2 year old likes to walk along with them. If he's not there they can run along and play, climb trees etc just like kids their age do. He likes to copy everything they do. Today we walked past a small beach with rocks and they wanted to go down and walk along it while we walked above and I told them no because he'll want to go down and he would be upset but I promised they could on the way back because it was close to the carpark and if he got upset we were close to car anyway. My sister heard me say this. So I let them. Her son cried a bit but I let him walk along the edge of the stones and he was ok. But then half way along he started crying because he wanted to go down (it wasn't far at all it was only a stretch of about 200 metres and we were almost at the car when he started crying) so because he started crying my sister got angry with me for allowing my children to walk along the beach. It was literally the one thing I said they could do out of the whole walk. I said she was selfish because they have to stop doing alot of stuff because he cries as he can't do it and it was only one thing. She said I should have told them no and waited until he was in the car then walked back with them (she didn't suggest this earlier and only said it after he started crying) am I being unreasonable to get annoyed about this? Surely you can't expect all kids to stop doing everything because yours might get upset? She said I was selfish because it upset him so I shouldn't have allowed them to do it. So to me it sounds like my kids can't do anything at all unless he can do it too even just one thing because he'll cry.

OP posts:
HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 16/10/2021 15:25

@lyssie29 my sister was like this with her pfb. Drove me insane and ruined her relationship with my dc as they heard her, and she was directly horrible to them about it.
I lost my temper and told her that I wasn't stopping my dc doing things on her say so. You've been more than considerate. She told me to stop mine plugging anything in to a socket because her dc wanted to then plug his own iPad charger in! There's a 5yr age gap. I pointed out that there were always going to be things that were age appropriate for one and not the other.
Consideration is one thing, but entitlement is another.

stairgates · 16/10/2021 15:28

You were in the right, the world doesn't revolve around her child

Brollywasntneededafterall · 16/10/2021 15:46

Maybe she is a bit resentful your dc aren't still at the same very needy stage?

CarbonMonoxideParty · 16/10/2021 17:58

She probably wants your kids to lighten the care load for her.

If your kids take care of and walk along with her child she can relax plus no whinny child.

She's nuts.

lisaandalan · 16/10/2021 18:39

It seems to me she needs to teach her son he can't have everything he wants in life and also tell him no he is not old enough yet x

3scape · 16/10/2021 18:48

She needs to take parenting type action. Either she sticks to no, youre too small OR she supports him to do the thing. She sounds hard work

fourandnomore · 16/10/2021 19:01

You’re both in the wrong. Her for having unrealistic expectations and you for stopping your kids from doing age appropriate things when your sister could easily accompany her son to do those things. You are def not being unreasonable in this argument though!!

fourandnomore · 16/10/2021 19:02

Sorry I don’t mean that in a mean way to you - you and your kids sound lovely x

Chloemol · 16/10/2021 19:08

Your sister is in the wrong. The child needs to learn they can’t always do what they want

But personally I would stop going for walks with her, she sounds like hard work and your kids will enjoy it better

SoItWas · 16/10/2021 19:10

Dn has to learn that he can't have everything he wants, at some point, and how to deal with being frustrated (without crying and making a scene). You were being reasonable, your sis wasn't. She should be taking all the kids feelings into account (as you were doing).

PinkSyCo · 16/10/2021 20:59

Your sister sounds lazy. Instead of expecting her DNS to put themselves out for her child all the time, she should try parenting him herself. I’m sure she could have distracted him in some way or asked you if you wouldn’t mind looking after her pram while she took him to the rocks.

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