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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum watching my kids

51 replies

Mommabear20 · 16/10/2021 11:13

AIBU to say my mum has to watch my kids at my house and not hers?

Basically, my mum will be watching my kids (6 months old and 19 months old) 2 days a week when I go back to work in the new year. Because of my shifts she will be watching them for their lunch time and nap time, for this reason I want them to stay at home so they can nap in their own beds and not travel cots. Given that my mum had asked to be the one to watch them, not us asking her, AIBU to say she has to stay home with them and not ferry them across town twice a week?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/10/2021 11:16

It makes sense.

If she doesn't want to do it your way then she doesn't do it at all.

As an aside, she's not 'watching' your kids, she's looking after them and taking care of them.

I know that sounds pedantic but 'watching kids' (a popular phrase of late) really does minimise the hard work that goes into it.

Suddenlyfamily5 · 16/10/2021 11:16

I would have been on my knees with gratitude if my mother had offered to do this for me. In terms of location, I would have done whatever was easiest for her, in recognition of the fact she was doing me an enormous favour.

I guess your other option is trekking to nursery with them, but then you’d have a journey AND have to pay.

skyblueone · 16/10/2021 11:18

My Mam looked after mine when they were little, she chose to come to our house because all the kids stuff was here so it was easier- she would have had a car load of stuff to take backwards and forwards if she had taken then to her house. I suppose if she wanted to take the kids and their gear to hers I would have been ok with it, she was good enough to be looking after them for free.

Original poster
Mommabear20 · 16/10/2021 11:21

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful, and only out watching as they will be napping so not a great deal of ' taking care' but noted! 😊

And while I am grateful, keeping my children in their routine is very very important to us as both can be a nightmare if they don't nap or don't nap for long enough and have a habit of falling asleep in the car then not going back to sleep when we get home so they would probably fall asleep on the way to my mums (maybe 20 minutes sleep) and then not have anything else. 😬

OP posts:
willithappen · 16/10/2021 11:23

If your mum wasn't the one to watch them then who would be looking after them when you were away and would that be at your house also?

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2021 11:23

That makes sense too about the sleeping in the car.

Have you spoken to your mum about all this? What has she said?

FluffyBooBoo · 16/10/2021 11:26

She's doing you a huge favour.

YANBU to ask if she would. YABU to expect her to.

Are you hoping to avoid having to drop them off? Due to having to 'ferry them across town twice a week'?

daisypond · 16/10/2021 11:27

You need to do what’s easiest for your mother. If you don’t like it and want the DC to stay at your home, you need to hire a nanny.

MamsellMarie · 16/10/2021 11:27

Is there anyone else at her home.
Have to say I hated babysitting - an evening at home, had a million things I could do, sitting at someone else's house - boring, usually colder than my house, I was watching the clock.

maybe she'll find loading up the car a faff and change her mind.

OberthursGrizzledSkipper · 16/10/2021 11:29

Perhaps she wants to be in her own home so that when they are napping she can get on with what she needs to do, rather than sitting and twiddling her thumbs at your house?

Ponoka7 · 16/10/2021 11:30

Your 19 month old is due to change routine. Your then 9 month old might be going through development changes, so I wouldn't get caught up in arguments about this. In six months they are going to be very different children. They'll be at an age were they're best going out every day. For development and socialisation. You won't carry on living around their naps.
So suggest until March and the better weather, passed the flu season etc stay in yours. Then look at it again.

Coconutscrub · 16/10/2021 11:32

@Mommabear20

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful, and only out watching as they will be napping so not a great deal of ' taking care' but noted! 😊

And while I am grateful, keeping my children in their routine is very very important to us as both can be a nightmare if they don't nap or don't nap for long enough and have a habit of falling asleep in the car then not going back to sleep when we get home so they would probably fall asleep on the way to my mums (maybe 20 minutes sleep) and then not have anything else. 😬

@Mommabear20 -are you serious? How long are your shifts - an hour or two?
Coconutscrub · 16/10/2021 11:32

Above post in regards to how long they nap for.

elenacampana · 16/10/2021 11:33

It’s doesn’t really matter who asked who to me. She’s saving you a small fortune and you should really be saying a very big thank you and asking her what suits her best. You can’t expect everything to stay the same as you do it when you go back to work and someone else is involved with childcare.

Beamur · 16/10/2021 11:34

My Mum used to come to my house 2 days a week to look after DD for me. She quite liked the change of scene and having all her stuff to hand. It meant she got to see me too - she stayed overnight and actually it was really nice!
I guess you have to figure out what works best for you all.

clockover · 16/10/2021 11:35

YABU to 'say' she has to do anything. YANBU to sit down and discuss the best option for all.

Merryoldgoat · 16/10/2021 11:36

My son was looked after by family for the first 3 years which was absolutely lovely for all of us.

They had toys, changing stuff, spare clothes and pushchairs at theirs.

My son is 8 and still lives going to both - he has lovely memories and feels like he has three homes.

My MIL had him 1 day a week from 6 months which was fabulous.

I didn’t ask them to follow any of my home routine stuff.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 16/10/2021 11:36

@WorraLiberty " watching the kids" has been around for decades- I think it's a regional way of saying " caring for" and isn't understood in a minimising way here.

ancientgran · 16/10/2021 11:37

Maybe slightly off topic but why would your mum have to transport all their stuff? When I look after GC the parents drop them and their equipment/toys etc off at mine. I think expecting me to be an unpaid taxi service as well as unpaid carer is a bit much.

Steelesauce · 16/10/2021 11:37

Its really upto your mum what she wants to do. Shes the one caring for them. When my Mum has mine for short periods of time, I always take them to hers. I work long shifts usually though and she does come mine for those. That is her choice though!

Spacerader · 16/10/2021 11:38

Yabvu. And I'm confident your children won't just be sleeping the whole time.

MargaretThursday · 16/10/2021 11:38

Children are pretty adaptable. I expect you'll find very quickly they adjust to the new routine. At any rate granny being there not mummy will be different enough that if different place was going to be an issue, that may too.

Say to your dm, that you wondered if it would be easier if she comes over to you as they'll probably sleep for not long enough in the car at that time and you don't want her having them grumpy from not enough sleep. See what she says. She's doing you a massive favour, so may be expecting you'll drop them off at hers.

If you don't mind sending them to a nursery instead then you can stand your ground. If you do mind, then she can call the shots here.

scammedmum29 · 16/10/2021 11:42

Just be grateful you have a parent that wants to help out

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2021 11:43

[quote Thecurtainsofdestiny]@WorraLiberty " watching the kids" has been around for decades- I think it's a regional way of saying " caring for" and isn't understood in a minimising way here.[/quote]
I don't know if it's regional but it's certainly very American and has become a popular phrase of late.

I do really think it minimises the care and attention that goes into looking after children but maybe that's just me.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 16/10/2021 11:46

Very normal in my part of the UK!

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