@IrishMel
When I was younger never called people out if they said stuff to me or were mean but now I find if you calmly say your piece of how you are feeling and say that is uncalled for or none of your business, they are so shocked that they won't do it again. Some people have no empathy for others or no social awareness and think they can say what they like to others. I had a woman be really mean to be at work and should have called her out on it. If it was now I would just say your comment is uncalled for and I think you are really mean and if you have anything to say to me please say just to me and not in front of an audience as in the whole office. They are usually shocked that you stood up to them and will retreat. As another poster said do not let them away with it once or will do again and you do not have to be mean just say in a calm tone. Some people are just horrible.
Yes, definitely agree with tackling it fairly early on. If a bully has decided you're a tasty little scapegoat then doing nothing is a bad idea
It's not that I want somebody talking about me behind my back but I once had a mean woman be so icy to me at work, I couldn't believe an adult was behaving like that.
She cast me in the role of her enemy but treated me like a ghost to punish me for what, I do not know, but she was excluding me from even the chat in the tea room (she was a dominant character, love bombed you if the association validated her, or was benevolently polite but distant if you were beneath her in the hierarchy that existed in her head)
All I ever did to her was be a bit wary around her which she sensed and she cast me in the role of her enemy and treated me like a ghost.
She would start a sentence a second after me but shout hers while I talked. She did successfully manipulate the dynamic around us which is what successful bullies always manage to do.
If that happened to me now I'd be so much braver, I'd say ''you know, you don't have to make somebody aware of how much you dislike them. You could hide your feelings in a professional setting.
If you add me to the list of people you trash behind their back then that's none of my business, but unless you need me to show up in your drama, hide your antipathy at work.
I have handled this WRONG a few times and I google the psychology behind it, techniques for dealing with it. I have dealt with being excluded in a couple of settings now, and with therapy and good friends outside of work, it's made me stronger. And I'm lucky, I know if these things happen to you at the wrong time they can compound a weakness that bullies are attracted to. I feel these exclusions were things i learnt from.